Why must I look into your eyes
And ask where I stand
In front of you
where you can't see me
Beside you
where I am forgotten
Or behind her
as a shadow you can neglect

I wish I can look back
And say I had no regrets
That I learned all my lessons
And in front of you is a new person
But I keep making the same mistakes
And somehow I have more questions
Like how is it that I still feel broken
Even after my supposed salvation

I beg her to stop hurting me
As she digs the knife deeper
Telling me she loves me
Telling me she knows better

I beg her, 'Mama please'
But she's not listening anymore
In her eyes, I am only child
Still a child and nothing more

and I am the shore it faithfully returns to.

I forget that I am not always warm sand and sunshine for the few seconds
before the water hits
and washes my sandcastles away

Sometimes the waves break first
and slowly bubbles its way towards me

Gentle enough to make me wonder if maybe
the cold is meant to comfort me instead

Gentle enough to make me forget of
the tsunamis that left me stranded and bare

But the sunset is beautiful
And no other shade of blue is more romantic
So I sit by the shore and let the waves push and pull at me
Make me forget, make me question memory

A hand writing silly notes to leave with the food meant to keep you alive during work

A shoulder staying still so you won't wake up from your nap on a 2 hour drive

Arms that tighten around you, figjting to hold you together

A back against your door shaking in tears, refusing to leave you behind

Eyes straining to keep awake so you won't be alone on one of your darkest nights

A soul spilling unto paper to write a poem of how much you are loved in this life

She tells me

I should be grateful,

that I survived.

But why does survival

FEEL

like I'm hooked up

to a machine

forcing air

into my lungs;

keeping me alive

when I've long been

DEAD

Mermaid pick a voice
that's more than nice
Find someone who'll listen
throughtout the night
Maybe he'll drown
your sorrows instead
By the end of this story
Maybe you won't be dead