When I ask,
How could you do this to me?
What I mean is,
How could I do this to myself?
But mirrors do not give answers--
Only judgemental looks.

Think of what it is to miss someone.


They are missing from you.
A part of you,
That is now elsewhere.

The place on my skin
Where you once fit
Now aches with the memory of the feeling.

I miss you.
I want you here.
I am empty without you.

I hate because he broke my heart.
I hate what I had to give up for him.
I hate because it's easier than dealing with
Regret
Loss
Confusion
Blame
Emptiness
I hate because I know he will hurt me.
I hate because I know I will hurt him.
I hate because I'm jealous.
I hate because I still love you,
And hate is the only thing strong enough to mask love.

It's not your job to care
Anymore.

Life is like one big sweater
By the time it's comfortable
It unravelels.

Let me bask
In the excellence.
Let me wonder in the explosion
And add the new colors to my pallette.

This is mine
Such desolation
Can belong to none other
This is but another ode to my craftiness.

Pain is mine.
I create the victim
I conduct such an orchestra
And all these are players on my team.

I own it.
All destruction
That dare to befall me
Only adds to my repetoire of tricks.

[Please allow me to introduce myself...]

Yeah I'll go
To watch things escalate
So I can see
The beauty of the explosion.

Yeah I'll listen
To your venomous reasons
So I can feel
The rush of our suffering.

And I'll speak
To watch the evolution
Of your eyes
From human to animal

You hide well
From their you to mine
Kitten to tiger
Gentle lamb to violent snake.

You remind me of an old friend--
The part of you that sends me to relaxed anxiety,
I know I can share anything with,
And I nearly have.

You, destined to the impossible task:
Loving the woman whose heart you hold
And me,
Destined to endeavor to escape, unscathed.

Shall I play to win your heart
As a precious, living, incomprehensible prize?
Shall I play as the snake
Tempting you with the fruit forbidden.

I wish I were the serpent.
Were I he I may claim some control
But as it stands,
I am nothing but the forbidden bite.

You pretend we are nothing,
But your eyes negate your words.
Your searching gaze
Sees in me someone I wish I could be.

Summer lent us a temporary glow
But warmed us deep within ourselves
We changed each other
More than the sun changed the hue of our skin.

It is hard to keep my head up
When it is home to my heavy heart
And my back
Can only carry so much.

How can you say
I am not the center of the world
When yours so clearly revolves around me,
Pretending it is hers.

You say when I cry
The tears eclipse the sun
Because my eyes reflect
Aten's brilliant beams.

Well let him drown.
As I shed these tears,
So I shed you
And only the memories linger.

This is not sadness
This letting her be happy
And letting myself find happiness
At least I can enjoy the search.