You told me I needed to love myself before anyone else would and even though I might agree with you that's just so **** hard. I'm not expecting you to love me enough for the both of us and I'm not asking you to pick up all the pieces and put me back together. All I'm asking for is for you to be there while I do it. I understand you've probably never been with someone who's felt broken but I'm starting to feel whole again and I'm making myself happy now and it's not that I need you it's that I want you and you bring a certain light to this grey world we all live in. You make me want to look at things differently and want to think about the best part of every day. And if that isn't what's making me fall in love with you maybe it's when your eyes light up when you talk about something you love. Or when you get the childish grin when you finally figure something out or when your laugh raises in pitch when you think somethings funny. I just can't stop myself from admiring all your qualities and I understand if you can't do the same. All I've ever wanted was for you to try

Stop building a home inside of people. You'll feel it all. Every tremble in their hands, every lump in their throat. Trapped behind a rib cage that protects you from nothing. Holes in your heart from all of the stitches you've made in theirs. You're disappearing. Let the blood rush through their veins and hope you don't drown. You don't need help to fall apart.

Tell me how it sunk in your chest. The thought of them coming home. How history is constantly repeating itself. Dragging you back to the person you used to be. How distance is only a number. That the difference between here and there is a single letter. How every time they leave is like a weight tied to your feet. Slowly drifting to the bottom. How the darkness consumes you. Your heart being shoved back in your face and you're too blind to see it.

Empty hearts and broken promises
It's like you left me in a daydream
All I remember is that it hurts
A never ending storm inside my chest
Each spout of thunder crushing my bones
There's puddles in my memory that I keep tripping into
Drowning in the idea that you might come back
That things could be better this time

This love of ours
is ripped at the seams
I keep falling through
cracks in my heart
Just let me kiss
all of the places
your hands wander
when you think of me
I find traces of you
drowning in cigarette smoke
Sometimes I
hear your voice
in mine
Home doesn't have
an address
But maybe I'm just sick
of feeling empty
and alone

I've tried to rebuild the home you stole from me when you left. Something is always off about it. I go searching for you but it seems as though you don't want to be found. I find myself knocking on doors of abandoned buildings. I can't figure out which one of us I'm looking for. I've knocked so many times my knuckles bleed. They say to heal a wound you need to stop touching it. But I keep tracing the lines of my body in search of the last place you touched and I can't ever find it. I can't ever find you. Things are supposed to get better with time but I feel my life slipping away from me and nothing's changed. Trying to tie the loose ends of the strings you left on my heart. Each one tugs at a different memory of you and I'm trying not to just rip them all out. Every time I smell alcohol I remember the night I told you I like the taste of it on your lips. I'd rather taste it on your tongue than hear you yelling it through the phone. In my hallowed out soul I can still hear the echoes of our love bouncing off the walls.

I think it's time to throw in the towel. Watch the flames get smothered out. They always said you should never reignite an old flame. We thought we were a perfect match, but darling matches burn. I think we've burnt out. I've done everything I can and I still find myself staring at your back as you walk out that door. You just keep leaving and I guess there's nothing I can do to make you stay. There's always a place in my heart for you. Whether it be the size of a crater or the size of a penny, it'll always be there. I keep a picture of you in my desk drawer. It holds all of the memories of us that I can't keep in my head anymore. They're like nails on a chalkboard. I can feel my heart wrench every time I think of you. Imagine all the boxes shoved in the back of your closet. How every single one of them holds a memory that you cannot grasp anymore. You kept my monsters at bay but now they're eating me alive.

I scream your name down empty hallways hoping your voice will echo back. Sometimes I wish for the death of the emotions. I want to feel nothing, just for a moment. It's like everything in my life is crashing around me like waves on rocks and all I can think about is how you hate the ocean. I wonder what it'd be like if I just didn't exist anymore. How the world would carry on without me, how you would carry on without me. It's like seeing crumpled bed sheets and wondering who laid there next to you while you fell asleep. It's like a car crash you can't look away from. It's tragic yet hopeful. You see, I understand that things couldn't work out but I still manage to wish they do. I would start praying to god if there was a chance he could save us but things aren't getting better and I just don't believe.

I've realized that when I can't be with you, you'll be with someone else. I've come to accept the fact that other girls' sheets have felt the skin on your back as you give yourself away to them. I wonder if you realize that every time you're with someone else you're throwing away a little piece of me. You claim the girls you're with are only temporary, as if they were placeholders trying to fill the void in your heart where I used to be. As if they were just keeping my seat warm. When in fact they're just setting my spot on fire and as it engulfs in flames you just stand and watch me fade away. It's like I'm always just a step behind you, trailing along like a child looking for their mother in a grocery store. When I get lost I click my feet three times but it never brings me home. I can close my eyes and see images of you walking out the door but I can never figure out where you're going. I've started drinking ***** to wash down the memories but it boils in my chest until I cough them back out. I wander the streets hoping I might run into you because I forget we're on different paths now. It's like a dirt trail through a forest I have never seen before. It's a never ending journey that I find myself making in hopes of crossing paths with you again, hoping that if I get lost you'll come find me. I turn songs on the radio and all I hear is you shouting leave me alone and I can't love you anymore. It's like every empty picture frame haunts me with the thought of never seeing you again. I want to be able to run home to you but there's an ocean between us and I forgot how to swim. I drown myself in the salt water that leaves trails down my face as I remember what it's like to listen to your heartbeat. I wonder how fast it goes as you lay next to someone new because I know I can feel the blood rushing through  my veins at the thought of you with someone else. I'm starting to shake again and as my hands are trembling I just want you to hold them and tell me everything's gonna be alright.