I think it's time to throw in the towel. Watch the flames get smothered out. They always said you should never reignite an old flame. We thought we were a perfect match, but darling matches burn. I think we've burnt out. I've done everything I can and I still find myself staring at your back as you walk out that door. You just keep leaving and I guess there's nothing I can do to make you stay. There's always a place in my heart for you. Whether it be the size of a crater or the size of a penny, it'll always be there. I keep a picture of you in my desk drawer. It holds all of the memories of us that I can't keep in my head anymore. They're like nails on a chalkboard. I can feel my heart wrench every time I think of you. Imagine all the boxes shoved in the back of your closet. How every single one of them holds a memory that you cannot grasp anymore. You kept my monsters at bay but now they're eating me alive.

I scream your name down empty hallways hoping your voice will echo back. Sometimes I wish for the death of the emotions. I want to feel nothing, just for a moment. It's like everything in my life is crashing around me like waves on rocks and all I can think about is how you hate the ocean. I wonder what it'd be like if I just didn't exist anymore. How the world would carry on without me, how you would carry on without me. It's like seeing crumpled bed sheets and wondering who laid there next to you while you fell asleep. It's like a car crash you can't look away from. It's tragic yet hopeful. You see, I understand that things couldn't work out but I still manage to wish they do. I would start praying to god if there was a chance he could save us but things aren't getting better and I just don't believe.

I've realized that when I can't be with you, you'll be with someone else. I've come to accept the fact that other girls' sheets have felt the skin on your back as you give yourself away to them. I wonder if you realize that every time you're with someone else you're throwing away a little piece of me. You claim the girls you're with are only temporary, as if they were placeholders trying to fill the void in your heart where I used to be. As if they were just keeping my seat warm. When in fact they're just setting my spot on fire and as it engulfs in flames you just stand and watch me fade away. It's like I'm always just a step behind you, trailing along like a child looking for their mother in a grocery store. When I get lost I click my feet three times but it never brings me home. I can close my eyes and see images of you walking out the door but I can never figure out where you're going. I've started drinking ***** to wash down the memories but it boils in my chest until I cough them back out. I wander the streets hoping I might run into you because I forget we're on different paths now. It's like a dirt trail through a forest I have never seen before. It's a never ending journey that I find myself making in hopes of crossing paths with you again, hoping that if I get lost you'll come find me. I turn songs on the radio and all I hear is you shouting leave me alone and I can't love you anymore. It's like every empty picture frame haunts me with the thought of never seeing you again. I want to be able to run home to you but there's an ocean between us and I forgot how to swim. I drown myself in the salt water that leaves trails down my face as I remember what it's like to listen to your heartbeat. I wonder how fast it goes as you lay next to someone new because I know I can feel the blood rushing through  my veins at the thought of you with someone else. I'm starting to shake again and as my hands are trembling I just want you to hold them and tell me everything's gonna be alright.