Everyday, hell every minute I get to call him mine
I fall deeper and deeper in love.
I decide that I'm going to give myself to him.
Time doesn't slow down,
And so I decide to follow my heart.
Trusting him with everything.
We pick a playlist, a date, and a time;

Then we make love for the first time.

It was everything I wanted and so much more. His gentle embrace afterwards assured me that I had picked the right guy.
But life happens, and and after a few more times, my parents find out.
Two months.
We had only been dating two months
And what seemed like the end of my world had begun.
Tears fell like snowflakes on a cold December night
I expected him to leave me
But see, this is the first time my luck changed when I needed it too.

He held me through the tears
Picked me up when I was hurt
Reassured me that he would never leave
He was strong for the both of us and made me smile when he could
Possibly the biggest obstacle a high school couple could face was thrown at us early in our relationship
I guess we should've waited.
But I don't regret my actions.
We endured it, grew closer, and loved each other like nothing had changed.

Loving him was the biggest epiphany I've ever had,
I stopped trusting the universe and put some faith in myself
And the ones I loved

The world has been brighter ever since.

Hard months pass.
We attend his Junior Prom
I slow dance for the first time
And the Star Wars series is completed.
Before we realize it, summer is in the air, along with it our half year milestone.
6 months pass with this boy and I feel as if he asked me out just yesterday.
We spend the day together and I thank him for the wonderful date and kiss him goodnight

Under that full moon which has watched my relationships end, he holds me close after our kiss.
With teary eyes he thanks me for the best 6 months of his life.
I hug him teary eyed as well.
I shut my eyes and take the moment in.
His scent, the cold breeze, and the cicadas singing to us in the dark.
If there is a love anymore true than this, please tell me.

I look up at the night sky at the distant worlds and ponder our own
Earth may be my home planet
But I know that I'm holding the other half of my life in my arms.

My parents begin to ease up
Theres talk of college in the air
I start to feel happy once more.

I paint my canvases with bright colors
And begin to stain blank pages with my life story once again.
A new sun is rising.

Warmth spreads from touch and tongue,
warm breath from hot lung.
We are laying in bed- waiting to paint our world red
and I am dwelling on every little thing you have said.
Wishes float in the air-
and your hands encompass everything I’ve sought,
here we live in a thought.
Bones form a full body with moving dynamics
and your mind fills with ad hominem tricks.
I’ll look through your skin; it’ll look back in shame of its sin.
Indulgence of the flesh, the meat of your faults melt when our hands mesh.  
A single frame doesn’t move, bordered by broken limbs and forgotten whims.
Your kiss smears on my cheek, softly we become weak.

Hold close your bit of me defined,
and I'll grip tightly to the only chipped piece left behind.

It seems as if with time I fall a little more out of love with you
Like as the time tics you become a little less adorable
With a toc your touch feels as if my father is touching me

I never meant for this to happened
But it was bound
I decided to evolve myself in a relationship
I wasnt fully committed to anyway

I just need some affection
And there you were my knight in shiny armor
Saving me from my own loneliness

I come to figure I just needed a friend
You see you needed a lover
Some who doesn't mind anything about you

We should part our ways
We are just holding each other back
I need to find a new friend and you need to find a new lover

I finally realized why
The young must love so fleetingly.

It started the day
Your biting remarks laced with venom

Showed me how cruel you could be
Any affection I had towards you perished

Like the leaves dropping from branches
On one chilly autumn eve.

We fall so hard
So heartbreakingly fast

Is it any wonder that the impact
Is so incredibly
Shattering

When I hear him talk to her,
I crave for a cigarette in between my lips.
When I see them walking together,
I crave to drown in a bottle of whiskey.
When I feel her presence,
I crave for the cool metal of a loaded gun.

But how strange that
I’ve never smoked a cigarette,
or drank whiskey,
or pulled a trigger.

But the urges
are one of an addict.
And at this moment
I’m not really sure if I’m me anymore,
Because I’ve become addicted to things that I’ve
never even done before.

I know I’m not an addict,
there is no way I could be an addict,
But ******* I could use a cigarette right now.

"Smile and others around
Will too"
That's why I smile
Don't I?

I do.
I did.
I tried
Even though
I might've well
Have died

Endure...

Frozen over
Legs numbing
Feet burning
Neck straining
Just five more minutes..
Five more..

Endure

Limbs aching
Temper shortening
Time running
Eyes closing
Annoyance building

Endure..

Gut sinking
Stuffiness building
Lung capacity shrinking
Body trembling
Insides quivering
Look around...
Remember? 
Remember what you said?
Remember what you
Promised?

*Endure...

On a Sunday afternoon, in the city,
I sat on your porch watching,
a panicked papillon dance about
(that means butterfly in French, boo)

You were running back & forth
Smiling, slamming doors & saying
it’s hot, but I sweat through
& I said, good ‘cause I like *****


So you ride your bike & keep a garden
but you don’t put your money in the bank
& I think that’s quite foolish
what about inflation my dear?

so you love cheese but you don’t drink milk
& you won’t ever fall in love
because you reckon you’d get too fed-up
with their complexities & mazes

well me neither I said, but
you stole those words from my mouth
& I have a hard time believing you
when “baby" seems to be your favorite word

You’re always saying the things I expect
& it’s what I’ve always wanted to hear
yet the simplicity is suffocating
& I’m somehow just as easy as you

& last night, when we were lying
in your room, on a bare mattress
Under the heat, I wondered if the words
pathetic,easy & empty circled your mind too

I wondered if you wondered why
we were already using terms of endearment,
why they came without effort or care, or
why we laugh & lock eyes in a week’s time

And you said you never sang aloud,
but in a moment I heard your voice tracing lyrics
& I said that’s really quite sad
& you said it’s only emotions; count yourself among the few

What an honor, what a privilege
I thought maybe we’re both lying to ourselves
& maybe you feel kinda lonely too
only because I’ve said the same before

You said I noticed that you
don’t listen to me when I speak
but then again you’re always telling stories
and I am but a woman & you are but a man

I thought I’d want to touch your feet
You reached out to hold my hand
But there’ll be distance to maintain &
I know better than to get any closer

We split asleep, turning our backs
towards mirroring walls, space enough
I dreamt I lost a lung & when I awoke
we were tangled up like ivy on ruins

This paradox ****** my mind
& I’ve been silent ever since I left you,
standing on the sidewalk
with cold coffee in your hands

*When do you leave, again?
Soon, soon enough.
Good, good, get excited.
The city is melting but I’ll see you soon

if you take time to think about it -
water has many different personalities.
it will burn you, unapologetically, if it's boiled
but it can be so cold that it chills you to the bone.
water can flow freely, or be stagnant.
water can be clear, completely transparent -
or clouded & dark, all depending on where you find it.
water is life-giving; it will save you if you're dying of thirst,
but it can also be a poison - if not properly treated, before taking a drink.
it's powerful enough to destroy entire cities,
but gentle enough to bring life to flowers.
water can hold up a ship- but it will still slip through your fingers.

(water - was the color of your eyes,
  and ever since the day you left -
it's all that seems to come from mine.)

Drift on the clouds into melancholy

In the depths where creativity dwells

Dip the brush into the palette of my mind

And fill the canvas with strokes of genius

In dim lit rooms and smoky hallways

A thousand violins begin to play

As smoke becomes sky and light becomes moon

Ocean currents move in perfect rhythm to the music

The stars make way for the sun’s birth

The shimmering light and the hidden sights a new world it brings

The branches of the trees conduct the white noise of the wind

And after all this time, imagination is still fiction

Eyes bring the only reality

If only I could hold a mirror to the world and show it its own beauty