Face of stone she gazes at it's reflection
begging the darkness for its lurid affection
the silence doesn't care, for years secretly she's known
clearing the space where the bitter fury has grown

her bloodshot eyes hides a butterfly of crystal
fragile and delicate, majestic yet wistful
the world turned, her strength shattering like glass
a beautiful psyche intoxicated by its past

["Oh please! Don't go!"]

singing upon the banks of heartbreak's river
a voice once so strong now trembles and shivers
fingernails drawn, skin white, ribs concave bars
she gazes to the night's sky into a sea of stars

her babe flew away and left a whole
black and gaping in her heart and soul
whisked to another planet, a distant foreign land,
his kiss a statement forever lingering upon her hand

["The non-existent angels sing
I beg of them to guide me home -"]

and there's something in the skies above
there's something lurking in those stars

["but my ship's burnt, my virginity dead -
#sob#
oh baby what have I become?!"]

something watching from within the black
a transparent symptomatic entity masked by a farce.

Slowly burning it glazes my eyes
a sorrow so pitiful, quietly it cries
excitement subdued, older but not ready,
my mind exhausted as I go on twenty

I feel shattered, these past years I resent -
a chance to live life, but in mundanity they were spent
'tis only now that I can see those wasted years
older and wiser and closer to my fears

my ego blames others, alas the fault lies with myself
insecure, selfish and obsessed with wealth,
serendipity being the most lethal disease
becoming the recluse I strived so hard to appease

at times I'm angry, the fury both caustic and draining
and if it's not my hygiene it's my love that is waning
blood black, clumpy and running thicker
soul cold-hearted, callous, self-centred and bitter

I care about nothing, no one, only about how it all could've been better
oh why should looking back make my heart heavier?

March 12th 1996, the day I started my graceless fall

this Saturday I'll be 20

but I simply don't want to be older at all.

20 years wasted.

Propped up at the bar
her beauty sweetly intimidating
as my heart begins to skip
so do my legs start shaking

eyes set and sparkling
face narrow, cheek bones high
with the grace of an eagle
she moves around as if to fly

pulling pints and setting sights
her fellow girls glare
smiling, knowing
behind her back every man will stare

and I think to myself, I think
as I look into those eyes
how do I know I'm not good enough
if I don't even try?

It's that deep uneasiness I find so strange
the fear of beauty is enough to perplex, for when it comes to lust
you tread the fine line of wanting someone's love
or simply wanting them for ***

the days where I feel worthless are mounting up
I fear I may have to face this perpetual loneliness for the rest of my life
sitting alone inside my bedroom

sometimes I sit alone to cry

all around me love reeks
do I like them?
do they like me?
A blind prophet seeking truth
through blinding tears I try to see

wishing, why can't I be normal
normal just like her, or even you

when you're drowning in the sea of lies
it seems impossible to find the truth

this way, or my way
a scapegoat cut from the scenes

realising the mundane reality of it all
as pain slowly pulls me at the seams

Lavish peroxide and stiletto heels
a chilling chaos slowly unreels,

low lit phosphor covers you like dust //-/-
to abstain my filthy feelings bite I must

removing your clothes shamelessly you tease
I tried your love but all I tasted was ******,
skin pale as milk, breath perfunctory and sour
instilling resentment upon these low level hours

luring the dumb and friendly
with a body insipid, curvaceous and bendy,
drawing blood from the beaten heart
disgusting, disguised as a queen but truly a ****

oh what is her name, does she even have one?

How long has it been since she saw the daylight sun?

Is she human or a vampire wanting more and more -
she's this disgusting creature known as a *****

spending her soiled cash on dope, exotic cocktails and *****

cutting swathes with her razor-heeled shoes -//-/

[the heart's filthy *****
her love stings like a stitch -
sin bloated black and growing
oh gold help me where's this going

-now?]

took me for everything I was, alone and left to languish
embarking on a romance infectious and outlandish

-///--/-

now I've stitched my wounds, burnt all her clothes

pushed to the back of my mind

alas her sordid laughter still echoes.

Shivering to the thunder on each side of the wall
clutching each other, crouched to the ground where the bullets fall

peppering our bodies with lead, intoxicating us with gas and spray
two lonely strangers caught in a war, death lingering whichever way -

the cracks grow louder and you grip me tighter
smell of charred asphalt makes my head spin lighter

[for hours we convinced ourselves we'd be okay, praying for a cease-fire
ah but the gunfire's approach only proved our hope a liar]

children scream, cars explode and foolish men curse
idiosyncratic ideologies being the only first

brains polluted by a faith stagnant, an unwavering loyalty that decays
legions upon legions of khaki clad knights sent forth to erase

and yet in these flames of conflict our shrewd love blooms
growing like the little Daisy poking through the rubble at our feet -

lovers that have shared each other's lives forever
yet 'tis in the face of death that we truly meet

--// Prrrap-Prrrap-Prrrap //-

I look in your eyes, see the beauty I saw in our teenage years

specks of powdered concrete on your lashes

pupils dilated in fear -

oh baby, p-please don't leave me

--// CRACK! //-

I want to die in your embrace, right now, right here.

They arrived with grins on their faces
***** blisters upon their cheeks, cataracts in their eyes,

shambling side by side their former shadows
bringing along swarms of rats and flies

skin woven from the finest flesh
breath stolen and rattling,
mud and decay ran down their mutilated faces
washed by a downpour of rain that was battering

no longer human and not quite beautiful
frazzled brains driven by the lust for perfection,
hair twisted static-charged nylon
covering their faces marred by nightmarish complexions

fingernails grey, attached by permanent adhesive,
teeth black, gums bloated and oozing
septicaemia and gangrene
spread by the inferior equipment they were using

oh they stole unattended babies
farming them for fresh stem cells and skin,
crawling around beneath Manchester's sprawling city
living in their world claustrophobic and dim -

what is the meaning of their existence
where did these freakish misfits spawn from?
Ah that is a question we already know the answer to -

'tis from the paranoid mind of a greedy schizophrenic they were born

and they exist to serve as a constant reminder
that total perfection we will never gain

and to try such an impossible deed

would leave any man bereft, inhumane.

A great mind departs into the winter's night-sky
wreaths and shrines adorning the ground where he may lie
died doing what he done best, knowing his time had come
now he traverses the stars with Ziggy and Major Tom

sitting in his tin can far above the likes of you and me
gazing upon our world through tears, alas now he's free -

wanted eagles in his daydreams, diamonds in his eyes
escaping the black side of reality he so very much despised

['Look up here man I'm in danger
I've got nothing left to lose.']

carried away upon a tidal wave of fame
albums meant nothing 'cause they'll sell again,
defying sexuality, pioneering the glam-rock scene
achieving goals only the common man can dream

['Ground control to Major Tom -
your circuit's dead, there's something wrong!']

now his voice is followed by the chilling whisper of death,
sang to the end with his very last breath
body failing but soul very much alive
empty silence filled with his hazy cosmic jive -

and yes, years will pass from this day, but we will never forget who you are

farewell Ziggy Stardust

our brilliant shining Blackstar.

AJ

["I'm happy... hope you're happy too..."]

RIP David Bowie