Kul - Hello Poetry

Kul Apr 23

My existence is the reflection of me,
I am the Creator of My World,
My perspective is all powerful,
even overpowering my own existence,

It’s not the narcissist in me saying this.
Okay, maybe a little.
But it’s true for anyone:
how they view the world shapes who they are.

And it’s not even the things
that I perceive that matter most,
It’s what I say about them that does.

All these new lights I create—
they’re what make me me.

Everyone is a god in their own universe.
But the question is: Do they realize it?
Do they understand what that means?
How valued their honest perspective is?
How each person’s authenticity
makes the world a more beautiful place for us all?

Kul Apr 21

Crude

Catching a train of thoughts,
But I am always too late, ain’t i?
How do you expect me to be disciplined here?
It’ll be messy just like i am,
Crude and barely held together,
barely resembling a human,
and that’s how i shall write my poetry as well.

And just like as i age i slowly bond,
with these parts of myself,
slowly becoming and feeling like someone,
maybe my poetry and art
shall have some form too, eventually.

Forgiveness to oneself is more important,
than to anyone you know,
Once you can forgive yourself,
It's easy enough to forgive others.

Or maybe you’re just a narcissist,
I still struggle to forgive myself.
yet i am more comfortable giving in to my ego,
Self destruction doesn’t need forgiveness.

I hold grudges still,
i can’t let go ****,
Everything is personal to me,
Because everything i do is personal to me,
And my lack of vulnerability means one thing only,
That i don’t wish to do anything,
because it’s too personal to me,

You don’t deserve my innermost self,
and perhaps you don’t deserve,
even my outermost shell’s kindness,
All you’ll get is my bluntness,

Out of no fault of your own,
But it’s all vindication for me,
I feel cheated by this world,
And you shall face my spite.

I hate being kind,
and kind people,
it’s all been too fake for me always,
How can you be human and be kind?

That’s a power only gods possess,
and i am a non believer,
The only gods that can exist is in our minds,
And it all means one thing only,
You’re not kind,
You’re just polite,
and afraid of who you truly are.

Kul Apr 21

Connexion

Is it human to disconnect?
Is it human to have some detachment to the world and its people?
That’s the sense world has beaten into me,
You can’t be too sensitive or care too much,
You have to be practical and not be dumb enough to be taken advantage of.
It’s not they are wrong really,
The advice works, wonderfully in fact

Maybe that’s what brings in more pain,
Every connection has an inevitability,
It must end,
you must not get too vulnerable,
you must not get too attached,
Or you could perhaps,
and live a life of torment,

“Nothing human is alien to me”
But i feel the opposite really,
I feel alien and everytime i see people bond,
I feel like an outsider,
knowing in my 25 years of life,
I couldn’t feel that warmth,
Every time i get close i get scared,
And if not, it becomes a romantic entanglement,

Love has always been easier for me to find than friends,
Not to say i have been too successful at love,
But i can find more comfort in a romantic partner,
My body rejects any genuine friendships i think,
Or maybe it's just another lie to console myself,
and not accept my patterns,

I feel too terrible whenever i have to accept it,
I truly don’t see a point in friendships,
When you know there’s an end,
When you know there are boundaries,
It feels dishonest somehow,
despite knowing that’s not true.
I struggle too much allowing any true friendships to nurture,

I am aware that’s probably the root cause of my depression,
Not having people,
Always being and feeling alone,
Even when i have people,
never letting myself be vulnerable,
I know it will be the end of me,
Cold and too far away from anyone,
The only question is if life will decide my end or I will.

Kul Apr 21

This Spring

Branches, coming from the one single origin
Flowering, Blooming and growing
fills my heart with joy and love
This spring, it just awakens something in me.
How can nature be this wonderful and
yet we humans not care for it
not nurture it
how can I not despise humans?
So full of arrogance we are,
not caring for what they come from
losing their love, giving in to the hostility,
being so miserable and alone,
I’m miserable and alone too
but i have a lot of love in my heart.
I only wish to have someone
to be able to give that love to,
yet i see people not caring,
maybe I am ignorant of their lives too
Ignorance is inherent in humans maybe
I feel jealous not having the people to love
Every act of cruelty hurts me too much,
I can empathize with both the accused and the victim,
And the dread of being alive hits uncontrollably,
I could weep down the streets with the pain i feel,
Feeling choke hold by own issues
barely being able to do anything,
Not being able to reduce the pain any less
if anything causing more pain,
How can anyone live like this?
Maybe nihilists aren’t so wrong after all,
And we should all be dead.

But there’s beauty too,
Which will remain regardless of humans or not,
Nature has caused deterioration too
But the way humans do it,
it feels so ugly and personal
We have the intellect and power to build an utopia
yet we live in a hell of our own creation,
filled with misery and loneliness
The impotent rage presents itself
as depression eventually,
it’s dangerous
But what can we really do?
Maybe becoming an Eco-terrorist isn’t so far off,
Would a century year later
you will regret not showing the rage?
Not knowing the worth of this moment,
which we are living through
We’re always living through history
yet we are so obsessed with raging
for what has happened, the dead past.
Rage, anger, so uncontrollable
pointless rage, it does nothing, does it?
And soon you’ll be back to your comfortable life,
because it won’t really affect you
until it’s too late.

— The End —