I cnt hold my feelings inside even though my love i abide i wud love to mke u smile instead of cry wlk around with u by side but to also let my lips slide up ur thighs ik its alot i must hide but please dnt judge me im only a guy

This poem is about my brother
And all the girls hearts he's smothered
I don't get why there so attached
After he hits he lights a match
Ur relationship goes up in flames
only you are to blame
told you he looks at you all the same
But you belive he will change
Like your someone special
Like he feel for you
Once agian I have to rescue you
From a night of cry or suicide
Like your life now is do or die
If he is a drug with the strongest high
I told you from the start he will only lie
He'll have u like a dog howling at the moon
But Don't worry I'll come soon
Sweeping his mess up like a broom
So soon he came make room
For whoever next thinks he'll be there to be groom

I hate I ******* hate it
Compare me to him
I ******* hate it
That should be a sin
You call yourself a friend
Open up to you and u still judge in the end
Try to be nice but can never win
Because I'm tied to to that as aka my kin

A friend told me my poems are sad
like im always depressed and mad
Telling to cheer up, be glad
Like i can get rid of the emotions i had
Or have
The things i be dealing with
Im just bein real and ****
Wish i had drugs to take away the feel of it
But this is suppose to be happy
So yay thumbs up my life is ******

Last night I posted a quote saying I'm my own team
The same night I had a dream
Were I got hit by a car and couldn't walk
Dreams the night before my body was outlined in chalk
I think I know something is coming for me
Wether it's the devils inside or god setting me free
Is it a sign of selvish ways
Or telling me this could be my last days
I am quite afraid
My life Is not yet made
Haven't got a job or got paid
Never went to college and got good grades
Haven't gotten married to the woman I will praise
Haven't had kids that I can love and raise  
I don't think I'm yet saved so I am afraid
That I will die and the memory of me in peoples minds will fade

All alone once agian
i think im better off by myself thn with friends
cuz no one will be there in the end
but me maybe one two three a my fam
who gave a dam
friends will drift away like wind blowing sand
i tried to hold on to them but they slipped from my hand
breaking away like old rubber bands
faker than deaf drake fans
i know i sound mad
but im attually glad
that i at least know sumwhat of who i am
im not a kid but not yet a man
jst living life with a goal not so much a plan

I know its been quite some time that you have read any messages of mine... and i dont know how much more it will take you to see this but i guess until then it will be just my secret there are some days that i have to keep my lips shut or i will say how much i think of you everytime i hear lana del rey you know those poeple you talk to not often but when you do it is like you never stopped i wish it was like that if we could talk i know your in love and mean no disrespect it is just that sometimes i loose some myself and dont know where to check i know it is cheesy i know im trippin i dont know what to do... what im sayin is that i miss you

I hate that your not there when I need you the most
Waiting for you so long my mashed low cud roast
I began to seep seep seep into a deep depression
Thinking this was a lesson
not to try to push the limit with friends
Hoping she would notice me if I bought tims
When I kissed her lips I felt something
I'm guessing now to her it was nothing
It hurt to see her and not talk
But to look at eachother then continue to walk
I even built the courage to ask her out
But now I know she'll say no without a doubt

Honestly .....
I'm not the guy girls think I am
I do try to save them from there hurtful fam
I want to bring out the best in them that's the plan
But I'm myself am not yet a man
I still have problems why I don't know
Sometimes I sit and the tears just flow
I put a wall because my self of steam is low
Listen to others feelings and take them on for me to tow
I can be harder to read than white ink in the snow
I'm broken I know
I think love can be pointless like a dull bow
Because a girl broke my heart it's still trying to grow
The things I'm put through I try not to lean on anyone
But the one thing I need is anyone
Anyone that says they love
Because mind is stupid and will check the box will everything above
Witch means I will buy them bears to hug
Lend them my jacket keep them warm and snug
Defend them from everything from a bug to a overgrown ****
Take on her emotions
So much left over like extra lotion
I'll cry for them
Be there only friend
With my life I will defend
As long as they say they love me in the end
That is my weakness that is my strength
I can be alone on anything else
Just need to share love with someone else ......

Never count on a girl Theyll poison ur world A world tht is now fallin down Take my life away nd dumo me down town No happy future no cap or gown **** me swiftly no pain or sound Clean my blood of the ground Wat i have found Is wen a girl leaves you ur heart is no longer bound Volnerable every girl wants to pound At ur heart Leave u alone in the dark So now i want the mark Of death Wnt my life to end faster thn it did start

Got me up all night, all I'm singing  is love songs
**** this **** I'm tired of it
Get sick when I think to long about it
Why couldn't they **** some ***** instead of you
Died inside when you said it was true
We weren't together but still
I was ur prescription and you were my pills
Did you not think about the year that we had
Plans we had after the night of our grad-uation
This is a serious situation
You got ****** and I hate it
**** we could've made it
If u didn't leave me in the first place
Was so mad couldn't even see your face
Tried to put my feelings into other girls
But they weren't you
Kicked em to the Kurp like Kung fu
But not you
My love my boo
You let another ****** **** inside you
So what does that make me
A boyfriend that's crazy
You say it was the past
But just the thought of him grabbin your ***
Forget it I should've been your only one
But you wanted to have fun
I do too but that was befor we really tried
Our love we didn't hide
Thanks I really appreciate the thought
Your lies I always caught
Your still the best I ever had
And I'm glad
Got me up all night all I'm singing is love songs

I pretend if you pretend
Girl i know u have other men
At least i think
To much hurt to mend
I dont know what to believe
**** it i dont care
Love you too much too leave
Dont know what to to do
Blood line stains on my sleeves
Ill pretend everythings ok if you do
If laugh and cheese
But when your with me then we can be good
Until then its a wrench lost in the hood
Of this car called us
I dont wamt you riding other people
This is no bus
Tell me the truth please
Its a must
I painted on you my canvas
Ywou allowed others to add to my work
So what am i worth
Nothing right
So i hope you smile as i walk towards the bright light

Wake up
Sit at the end of my bed
Cant remember my dreams
Nothing in my head
i feel dead, but i continue to move ahead
Pop pop pop gulp
Take these meds
Itll keep my demons binded in threads
Look in the mirror i dont like what i see
But **** it its what everyone around wants me to be
Look to my left theres my mask
With a fake smile painted on it
strap it on... at last
I can cover my past
for today
until once agianst in my bed i will lay
let the demons in my minds out to walk astray

To makes sense of it all
doesnt make sense at all..
Like hitting the sky when you fall...
well ive fallen... fallen deep in love
No one understands it except my god up above
I dont know what you want
I give you you everything you disire
love you till the very end
Somtimes the truth doesnt rhyme my friend...
but time is what im really tired of
Spending it crying hard to trust theres a reason for spying..
Inside im dying of the insanity within me
But honestly you put it there
When you made it clear you didnt care
When u lied
You ****** lied
Once more nd we may hve to divide
Cuz lies plus lies equals no trust

It finally stopped the hurt
It can't get any worse
Don't call the nurse
As I fade away
Can't stand another day
Don't want to fell the suns rays

I'm so lost
In my bed I turn and toss
That night I can't get out of my mind
There was something there I'm not blind
I'm tired of looking for love I can't find
That kiss
Sent me into a bliss
Those lips
dancing close holding your hips
I miss the feeling I had with you
I don't know if this will get to you
I probably won't even press send
Cuz I don't want to loose a good friend
But Ik.. I thought there was a spark
Now I'm left, confused in the dark

Sorry to you im boring
Im like this with everyone
I crack jokes
Others laugh a ton
But not you
You shy away
Like the sun at the end of the day
I try
But is that enough for you
I fear youll text sumother dude
Its in my mind
I guess thts not normal
But im one of a kind
So ill think what i want
The thought of you fallin for another will always haunt
Just know i try
Ill try and try
Until the day i die

Help I'm lost in this L-U-V
Has me feelin more alive than my ADHD
I can't even tell who
**** my feeling it's too hard to tell witch are true
I just want to be loved
Or liked
To feel more needed
More accomplished like I rode my first bike
Took my first hike
Flew my first kite
Won my first fight...
Please all I ask is to borrow
Your heart I'll protect it
So I can get through this sorrow
I need the cure
Even if it's fake
In my mind it's pure

You can never be truly happy
Life is a joke
Ill end it now dont bother To poke
At my lifeless body
Bye....

I really don't know what to write to right
This Is my way to let it out, just to right
I'll just talk about the luggage I carry on this flight
This light piloted by life
Me and my ex stay in fights
She left me I guess she had her rights
So lost a year of tears I cry out a night
Want her to be happy without me in her sights
Tried to run to my second love
I cud explain but it's tough
Stupid to think I have one but my problems are rough
Needless to say she went up in a puff
She got a man now yea just my luck
Emotions slapped around like a hockey puck
A old friend asked me to prom to get a tux
Talking to her brings up old feeling aww shucks
I think I like her now this *****
Want to kiss her don't know how she feels I'm stuck
Harder to control my heart than a wild buck
A girl I like really likes me
Want to go for it but I'm not ready
Sad to be single but stressful to go steady
I don't know if I'm ready
I don't know if I'm ready
I tried suicide seven times this week
And all it did is show me that I'm weak
Those that inherit the earth are the meek
I barley eat
Don't sleep
I'm a freak
deep down under the sheets
I'm a freak

If i am timit like a sheep does that make me weak or am i strong to not show wen i weep dare not to let these tears drop to my feet even wen emotions are at their highest peak pecking a at my heart like a birds beak it makes me grind at the teeth have to hold it in or theyll call me a freak theyll make me take a great leap from sumwere up high sumwere were i can fly sumwere were its just me myself and i were i can rest and i can die without worrying about sum judgmental eye

There is anger in these thoughts teens r treated like kids but expected to act like adults ***** its not my fault this is ******* having me cleaning up like im a maid's kit but its the same punishment my 18 year old brother gets so am i 18 is all tht maturity supposed to hit i guess since im letting my anger out here and not in a fit cleaning the bathroom washing the floor i hope thts cps knocking on the door you dont trust me on the streets but expect me to hear my alarm when im sleep putting my education at risk all my teachers r goin to be pist but i hve to get bck to being cinderella and cleaning this **** i first thought it was a joke but im not taking the risk

I stare into the mirror
The thing i see is everything but me
Funny sweet friendly
But inside my minds deadly
I wish no one talked to me
To be a loner my greatest apifiny
But im not im known
Never to be alone
Its ok i can push through each day
Pretending i love the person i am
The one people think i am even my friends
Im messed up and dont know why
Nothin falls down when i cry
To all my loved ones bye....

Girl you got what I need
But this things so stressful
I wish I smoked ****
But u around me it the one thing I need
I wont beg I wont pleed
**** that im already on my knees
I cant act hard
With you im hollow
Lead me anywere and ill follow
Wether its up or down
Smile or frown
Ill be ur rock always holding u to the ground
Wether we laugh nd fool around
Or stare at eachother nd not make a sound I need you ik this Is love I feel
The happiness, strussful, druglike feelings shows me its real
As I sit here and watch you on skype
I think about our beautiful life
The one ahead when ur my wife
Everything wont be nice but nothing perfect youll argue and laugh jst find someone thats worth it

I'm a fool
Yes I know
Use me like a tool
I'll fix everything you know
Treat me with love or be cruel
Just love me and I'll be good to go
Cut me off and cheat
I won't say anything my mouth I'll sow
Beat me like ur tenderizing meat
And blood will flow
I will never surrender to my defeat
I am a fool
Yes I know