You are fireworks
in my chest and
things I can't hold on to
are slipping between my toes as I walk
across them. You don't care
that you showed up and stamped
a small portion of my stomach
with your butterfly-shaped coil.
I want it off
gone
out
done
but I know you'll come back
and I want you to feel the outline of it.
That way you'll know I never stopped trying
never stopped caring.
I need you to care, too.

A blurred division
between consciousness and reality,
this is where I dwell.
It is absolutely certain
that I've lost the line.
Someone has to pull me out.
The flames cascade across the floor
and eat me alive.

Sometimes I don't like what I see in the mirror.
Love handles over the jeans like grubby hands picking for the last slice of pizza.
Sometimes I don't like the words written on paper.
Words hunched over till 5am that still come scrambled as my breakfast.
Sometimes I don't like how I kiss you.
My lips not being able to move in the way your hips do in those jeans.

But...

Sometimes I can't handle love that I see for myself.
How I find every scar on my skin a Van Gogh of flesh and memory.
Sometimes Laughter can not help but shuffle its' way from my chest.
Every facebook status a Emmy award winning season of words
Sometimes I can not wait for the next day.
When I get to taste the air in my lungs only to have it taken away again by the sun.

Sometimes a love/hate relationship is good....sometimes.

Thank you
For my life
Thank you
For everything
Thank you
For giving
That inner light
For allowing me
To see it in others
I am grateful
For your guidance
Even when
I have fallen away
I am thankful
For the mercy
The grace
And the healing
You bestow upon me
Thanks for answering my prayers
Even if its not exactly what I thought
But more importantly
I want to thank you
For the love you give me
Everyday