It's where I work
Where I play
Where I go to bed, where I wake up
Those extra five, ten pounds
I can't seem to shake, to find the strap to release
To drop it from my shoulders

I can carry it here, I can wait to get home
Where I can let the strain show in my face
When I get a chance, a moment, to be alone
But I wonder
When home is no longer a place to hide
If I'll embrace comfort over sacrifice
So I can put down the weight
And focus on my own life

What are you willing to sacrifice?
What do you want to prioritize?
It will take and take and take
And you must decide
Is this greater good worth the weight you carry?

How will it feel to reach the top of the hill
How many times will you fall, and climb back up
Before the summit was a sacrifice
Of too much?

But if you enjoy the downhill
Convince yourself into contentment
Would it be a lie? And would you wish
You had given just one day more
Because maybe, it would have been enough?

It's all around me, yet I couldn't point it out to you
It's too dark to see it surrounding me
I can see the shapes, but I know to you they're only shadows
Tell me, is it the dark or the light that is the illusion -
Are these merely shadows in the sun
Or moonlight cutting through the dark?
Can you see it?
Nothing here is clear to me.

I trust my past
Knowing it could be worse
And if it couldn't
Knowing it won't last.

I remember, I remind myself
Of the times the sun felt warm
The laughter felt unburdened
The breeze felt unhurried
The company felt wanted

I know it will feel this way again.
In times like this
I appreciate the sunlight on the leaves,
The moments of brightness speckled in the shade
And wait patiently for the clouds to dissipate.

Time lulls,
Slows to a dull throb
From the incessant ticking
That spears behind my eyes
Giving me migraines
Through long days and late nights
In some places, in the right light
It slows until it is barely heard
A calm beat, even on occasion
Complete and simple silence.

Airports, park benches
Country roads where you wonder
If by some accident you drove over the edge of the world
Because there is no sign of life
Only the endless horizon
Frozen at dusk:
The clouds aren’t moving as you speed,
Then slow
To enjoy the view
And you find yourself surprised
Not expecting the next stop sign.

Lulls in time
On walks through your neighborhood
In the odd halfway hours when no one is home
You feel as if the world is open ahead of you
And every claim of prosperity heard in childhood just might be true
You step around the oysters at your feet
Imagining the perfect color which will catch your eye
The moment you’ll select, finally, just the one
Rolling a smooth pearl gently through your fingers
Immune to the passage of time
It is weightless, rolling off your skin like rain
Peaceful
And in this lull, sweet and calm
You are safe and strong and
Everything you had dreamed.

What is said in the unspoken?
In shared glances
In messages deleted
In letters left in the bedside tables and
Notes left in the backs of drawers

Pens with ink that haven't been bled
And pages empty, wishing they could say
The message you think but won't put down
Or say aloud

But I can hear in the spoken pauses
The extra breath between sentences
The stutter in your words

Can you read between the lines
See behind the camera lens
Hear the chord missing from the harmony?
Are these audible pauses
Or am I the fool, listening to silence
As it speaks volumes?

Why do I convince myself
I'm not alone anymore
When as soon as I believe it
I'm left behind?

From just below the surface
Reflections of dreams and nightmares
Lay on each side of the mirror.

I wipe the fog from the window
And look through
To see myself.

My bed is cold
Even as I burrow deeper into the sheets
Waiting for spring
With the flower buds buried on the windowsill.

I can't tell if I'm asleep or awake
As I drift
The numbness, the quiet
Is peaceful.

When the sun rises
I will stir
And unearth from the soil
Blooms which have been waiting, so patiently
To show the brilliance
Hiding below the surface.