I am dissolving like sea foam
on the surface of the universe
an unfolding flower
vast in an ocean of space
and time? it must be passing, and yet
it doesn't touch my skin
it whispers past, like the brush of death
a chaste kiss on the cheek
before stepping swiftly out the
already open door
into a world of swirling stars and galaxies
and here I sit, observing
all the world spinning around me
to the tempo of my beating and
still beating heart
and to this sound
time
comes to rest.

I held the mirror up to myself
and what did I see,
but mirrors upon mirrors upon mirrors
a thousand arms of kali suffocating and tearing
I see and see and cannot see behind the veil
layers of reflections
they speak to me,  and out of my mouth comes others' voices
I cannot hear a thing
I must be must be must be must be
something else
what, I do not know
in the eyes of those who aren't watching

I need the phantoms to see
what I cannot:
me.
I forget
I can see myself
without my eyes.

I need to prove -
what, I do not know
to whom, I do not know
I have such a need to
prove myself fitting the definition,
the standard
of those who
hold no standard to me, in reality
I need to prove
nothing
I can be everything.

Finding beauty in the ordinary: it is like
being guided by the light of the stars
trusting in the beckoning fluorescence ahead
tracing the paths lit up between high clashing waves
choosing a direction, just as much as
being chosen
after all, any is better than drowning,
movement keeps you alive, rather than than staying still, unchanging
we all swim in this grand ocean, perpetual
particles, lost, floating
guided by the light we see.

When I die
I want my ashes to be emptied into the sea
so I may touch every shore
and reach into every place I’ve ever been.
I want no grave
let me rest in the entire world.

I want to see it all, to hear it all
to take my own suffering raw,
to drink it straight
the blood of life
to rend the marrow from the bone with my teeth
to claw roots from the earth, digging in the sand
hunting down every drop the world can give me
every memory
every moment of time which ripples the surface of the water, of the ocean we swim in
inseparable yet separated
joined in the wave, alone in our own
breath, our own heart
beating beating beating
experiencing
feeling it all
apart and still a part
of everything.

We crave to quiet the cessations of the mind
desperate to hear the voices of the blessed, the voices of the ******
yet in the silence
it is our own we hear, crying out
for the cloth to be torn from our eyes
so we may see clearly every second
all we can.