i remember this so well
i remember this feeling
i remember this place so well
feel my heart giving up on me
im worried about more than today or tomorrow
im worried this might be forever
i still worry more about you
and i am here in pieces
i'm sorry again
i told you i would love you
i did then and now
i'm sorry i can't anymore

tonight i felt your hands shake
i saw your eyes close
and i felt your heart ache

i love you.
please believe me.
i promise we will be okay.

darlin do you ever think of the day we both have to move away
darlin do you ever think of the day you'll stop lovin my ways

i've only written about you and i for awhile
since i started to allow myself to love you.

i've only thought about you and i for awhile.
you are every good part of my days
every smudged line of my ways

please don't promise me anything
like that you'll stick around

the first to hold my hand
the first to kiss my lips
to brush away my hair
and look into my eyes

the first to love me deeply
truly, to love me without commas

to map out and memorize the freckles and lines of my face
to look at me with gentle and soft eyes

the first that i loved so deeply
with an aching in my heart.

i loved you quietly for years.
i didn't know i loved you or how much in fact that i was in love with you.
i should have guessed
when i started feeling dizzy when you would walk in a room.
or when my heart would skip a beat or two when you looked my way.
i should have guessed when i thought so hard for so long
about the moments our paths would cross.
and no matter how many times i told myself to look at you, to face you
my head bowed down at the second we would brush by each other
a habitual action of fear
of missing you and refusing to look at the face of lost love

now i see how much energy was put into holding myself back from loving you
and it makes sense as to why it was so difficult
i forced myself to look away from your speckled green eyes
i told myself not to love you, never to allow myself to love you.

you wouldn't believe me that some moments are so empty.
some moments i feel so completely empty.
and i can't tell you but