what is it like to hurt?
to feel sad?
to feel pain?
are they all the same?

When the world is quite
it's just me and the stars.
I often look up
and wonder where you are.
If you're watching me
as I am missing you.
Or
if your the slight breeze
I feel blow by my cheek.
In these moments when I am overwhelmed by life
and feel like breaking down to cry,
I wish you were here
to comfort me when no one else cares
And to tell me everything will be okay.
Just as long as my faith never goes astray.
I love you and I know you are in a better place
your presecnce is forever laced
in my heart
and runs through my veins.

I crave the way you touch me
with your lips
and the way your fingers
float across my hips.
I crave the way your legs
go in between mine
and the way your smile
gives me butterflies inside.
I crave hearing your voice
the way you say I love you
and I crave falling asleep
feeling safe and sound next to you.

What if I was crazy?

If the thoughts in my head were more real to me than real can be
and
If the tears I cried
were from a cutting pain deep down inside?
If I never slept because I was afraid
of the thoughts that would come out in my unconscious to play.
To tug at my emotions and tangle my strings
and to remind me of a past I've tried so hard to leave.
What if this is a secret
I've kept for a long long time
and the crazy inside of me is just waiting to burst out
and shine?
It wants to take over, I'm trying to hide
these thoughts of crazy inside my mind.
What if all of this is true?
I'm not making it up,
will you still accept me and my crazy?
or will it be time to pack your **** up?
and run for the door
and jump on a train
and get away from this girl you don't know anymore

a girl who's insane.

I believe in you
and I believe in me.
I believe in the way
the sun dances upon the sea.
I believe in wishes.
And looking across this wide bay,
I believe in promises
I will work hard to keep each day.
I believe in rain walks
and getting ***** in the mud,
I believe that all these things
is what makes life so much fun.
I believe in love.
And I believe in trust
but most of all,
baby,
I believe in us.

If I lived in paradise
I would spend all of my days
letting the sun soak me into its rays.
I would swim under waterfalls
and into caves
I would play on the beach
and collect shells all day.
If I lived in paradise
I would build castles in the sand
and I would find you
and we would hold hands.
We would surf and hang
and chill with our friends
our family would be there too to lend us a hand.
We would all barbecue
and watch the sun go down.
Thankful to be living in paradise and not in some busy town.
We would all laugh and
tell stories and
drink beer until
it was time to go home.
And then me and you would be happy to be alone
we would go to the shore and let
the water soak between our toes and tell each other secrets that nobody knows.
We would begin to count the thousands of stars
and feel so lucky that this love is ours.
I would wonder, 
How did I get so lucky to come to this place?
I wonder this as I gently touch your face.
You lean in and kiss me
and suddenly it's clear.
My paradise lies in you
and I begin to tear.
Not of sadness but because of joy
for I finally realized
that you are the boy  
I gave my heart to
and so my days spent in paradise
is a life spent with you.

I'm stuck in time.
Right in the middle.
Right at the point where things are supposed to happen.
Nothing ever does.

You make me furious
You make me yell
and make me burst into tears.
You make me want to throw things
and brake things
and punch holes into walls.
But, you make me want to take chances
You make me want to dance
and to sing as loud as I can.
You make me want to create
and to try new things.
You make me feel things I have never felt before.
and for that.
I love you.

Night's like these
when I can't sleep,
I think about what could be wrong with me.
I think in rhymes
I think in song
I think as if I'm writing a poem.
I stay awake until the sun comes up
I stay awake until the birds are singing
I stay awake as the moon rotates along
the earth
and though life is going on,
Between the time of dusk and dawn
the world is still
and quiet
and it's just me
thinking.

I held your hand
as you told me the news
just as I was feeling like life was to good to be true.

I held your hand
as she shaved off your hair
I said you looked beautiful as you broke down in tears.

I held your hand
as you threw up each night
I held it
extra extra tight.

I held your hand
as you cried in pain
I held my tears in
to give you strength.

I held your hand
through it all.

And I am so happy to say
we never listened to death when it called.

I am not scared of death or dying
at least i wasn't
until i met you
and now it terrifies me.
Because losing you
terrifies me.
Not being with you
terrifies me.
and so in a time of passing
i can only pray that
we are together
so I don't have to be scared.

she wanders through the dark
and sings to the stars.
and dances under the moon.
and smiles to herself
a happiness only she knows.
How lucky she is
to have a secret with the night.

The ocean breeze, breathes onto my skin
salt sticks to my hair
alone on the beach, my body is bare.
My soul is lusting for the waters warmth
the comfort of its rocking me back and fourth.
The current wraps me in its arms
I do not dare sound any alarm.
It carries me beneath the waves
and takes me to a better place.
So please,
do not weep for me
you see,
my heart truly belongs
to the sea.

Like....
the first day of summer
finding yourself in a new exciting place
the moment in between jumping and landing in the water
singing my favorite song outLOUD!
baking the perfect pie
swimming with dolphins
finding a hidden waterfall
waking up to snow
falling asleep to rain
chocolate
truth
love

Sometimes in life
I feel like I have it all together
I feel content with where I am
I am agressive towards reaching my goals
I am secure in my life style
I am happy with the person I am becoming.
Other times
I am uncertain and anxious
I complain about little things
I am insecure about myself
and I am weak.
I wish I could be the first person
all of the time.
But is anyone?

I'm guna miss you tonight
I"m guna release all of my feelings inside
I"m guna break down and cry
tonight
i'm just going to lay here and miss you and cry
and by tomorrow i'll be alright.

There is something inside all of us.
No one is really sure what it is.
But it's there.
There's no name for it.
There's no explanation.
But we can sense it.
It's a weight on our souls.
It anchors us to our bodies.
and to each other.

I want to love you
and I want you to love me.
I want to watch a million sunsets together
and never have to wonder what "could be".
I want to make you smile
more than I make you frown.
I want to be the one there
when your world turns upside down.
I want to make memories
and I want to grow together.
and I never ever want our love to wether.

My most peaceful moments
have been when I was alone.
In my secret hiding spots,
the brush behind a pond
or
miles down an empty beach.
At night
when everyone else is asleep,
ontop of the roof,
Watching the sunrise
watching the stars.
My most peaceful moments have been when I am lost
in my own thoughts.
when I have time to think about life
when beauty and silence combine
and create peace
in my heart
and
peace
of my mind.

What more could you wish for?
The world is at your feet.
Flee!
Run!
Runaway as fast as you can...

No.

Stroll...walk steady and paced
Enjoy what the world has to offer you.
Explore new places,
Learn about people, things that are different from you.

Stop and breathe.

Breathe in the salty air
the wild air
the free air
As it wraps around you.

Never forget to look up towards the sky
to look up and wonder
and feel small
and know that the world is large
and to wish that you can see it all!

You know my weakest moments
you've been there as I cried
you hold me as I clench my arms tight around your side
my makeup stains your clean white shirt
you wipe away my tears
you tell me "dry your eyes" my love
for the end is no where near.