sometimes I know
sometimes
I am only
a tree
with unbreakable heart
moved only by the wind

Be to her, Persephone,
All the things I might not be;
Take her head upon your knee.
She that was so proud and wild,
Flippant, arrogant and free,
She that had no need of me,
Is a little lonely child
Lost in Hell,—Persephone,
Take her head upon your knee;
Say to her, “My dear, my dear,
It is not so dreadful here.”

a sharp blow
swung out by
you,
who was thought a friend

produced a small hole
at the base of my skull
behind my left ear
ringing echoes inside
and shining sparks down
the splits of the mystical dendrite forest
thicker than thieves,
illuminating
the deep and dark of me

and out of the hole
comes some stuff of wisps,
lavender colored dust
with quiet rays of glimmer flickering all through it
floating and curling in the air thick as smoke

is that stuff me?

then it settled in a fine layer on my lashes
and my alveoli
and my eyes were filled with a vision
time slowed as we moved faster
slowly closing my eyes and then

I was in the porch of my infant home
on a late afternoon when there was the first breath of relief from the heat.
but in the familiar air there was a deep stillness
unsettling as I had never known it
and I looked out into the back yard, and over the tree line there
in the distance was a towering wall of dark clouds
and wind whipped through the line of trees

I closed my eyes and when I opened
I was with my little brothers sitting on the cold tile
of the patio of our home in Costa Rica
and rain was pouring down in lines from the sky,
thick sheets running off the slats on all three sides
I got up and stepped into the rain
Mayala reached out for me and said "¡ joelle, NO !"

this time when I closed my eyes,
I opened them but there was no longer anything
and in fact there was no longer vision at all
I tried very hard to remember what vision was.

I suddenly realized
there was not much left of me.
I felt the purple mists of me going out with the wind
to become the nothing
time moved forward with grace
one step, and two
then
it was all done.

caged brain
unsteady as
two wheels in a row

"we have deep bonds
ye and me"

please
tell me how to put this all back together
so that they all face forward
and don't cry
shaken awake
by the false soul soul press
of warm dreams
please
give the truth
gently say which way
to go
away
please so
the weight, after your face
won't
anymore

now
I wish I still had that gifted pill
to ease my ache

now
I wish you hadn't crashed your bike
that night

now
you only look at me and say "undo"

well
I wish
that I could

all fangs,
when i soften
as i embrace
a fatal sting
still
i cannot hold
you close enough

one five foot seven
teardrop fountain
forgetting to exhale while
remembering to drink down fast
the bitter green elixir to stretch out
widen the space between thought and thought
to soften up and fall out through the faulty wire frame.
slip out in pieces
so carefully dissipate, recede
draw in and drop out
to ready for the blow

some drift of fog from her lips
when quivered expired on the face of the ground
fallen
after the loss of the vision