I wait at the window and I watch her sitting out there in the air, empty and open to the early morning.

I am motionless and I wonder if I went out there and stood looking at her if she would feel in that moment that life and death themselves were the simplest things anyone would ever know and that questions were more fulfilling than the answers. That our brokenness was our only claim to existence.
We would be aware, but untouched. One second would trip on the next and we would surface and the roar would fill our heads again.

She blinks and focuses, she sees me. She looks at me with an apology on her face, waiting for something readable on mine.

Well, I guess I always thought it would feel different in the moment when someone saved my life. I thought I would feel more than this, but all I feel is white.

Limping aimless down the sidewalk
You shattered gait
Smelling awfully of smoke and drugs
You shaved head
Grasping a cigarette in both hands
You oversized ugly shoes

No one likes you
Turn the corner and you're gone and I never saw your face

Do you remember when you sat down next to me with a smile and I told you that you must be confused?

I give more thought to my enemies
I said

You looked down your long nose at me and called me naive
before you stood up and walked away.

But I know you just wanted me to think about you.