I.  On the brink of an adventure
But not quite ready to say goodbye.
Bags are packed, tickets already printed,
Too late to change my mind.
I wouldn’t want to anyway.

II.  Paris- a city supposedly filled with love.
Underneath tourist traps and museums
real suffering is found
in homeless living on the streets
in gutters filled with cigarette butts
in natives stumbling drunkenly on the metro.
This city is far from perfection.

III.  There’s no place like home,
Nothing could be closer to the truth.
After hours of walking and sight seeing,
Listening to foreign tongues from strangers’ lips,
I realize every place has secrets;
Some things people aren’t meant to see.

“Missing someone isn’t about how long it’s been since you’ve seen them last or the amount of time since you’ve talked.  It’s about that very moment when you’re doing something and you wish they were right  there with you.”

Memories float:
4x4 hats
Red, white, blue handkerchiefs
A smile spreading across rosy cheeks
Card games played late into Saturday night
And jokes that got everyone laughing...

The simple offer of ice cream or coca cola
felt like a million dollars
when offered by you

Death is final
No coming back

Dreams of you
Ambush my psyche

Upon waking
Reality rushes in

Fear is a prison
I’m afraid to forget

Clinging to old photographs
As if the world would fall apart if I didn’t

Still hurt by the pain
I stumble

Relapse
Like you died all over again

What I’d give for one more hug
One more conversation
One more drive...

Never
Will I Stop missing you.

Pouring my heart out-
word by fragile word
floods out my pen
onto lined notebook paper
like an ocean wave hitting the shore
a love letter…

Shot Down

Brushed off like it was nothing
No confession
No real emotion
Just a silly little note
from a silly little girl
Feeling anonymous

Feeling Alone

No, I cannot be friends
“just friends”
after this

Not Possible

My heart beats too fast when I see your face
My mind imagines future days with you
smiling and talking and loving me….

Not Possible

Have you ever had that feeling-
that feeling when a particular individual
catches your eye?
That squirm in your stomach
which, in horror, tells your brain to ACT NATURAL.
He’s just a boy
you’re just a girl.
Could it ever be...more?

Have you ever had that feeling-
that feeling when your phone springs to life in a whir of vibrations and light
and the name you wished to see
magically appears like shooting stars against a midnight sky?
A smile spreads unexpectedly
from the corners of your mouth
when he tells you to have a good day
and sounds like he genuinely means it.

However, enchanting as this may be
I’m afraid to invest in half-fantasies
that I’m not entirely sure are real,
but not totally confident they’re false...
My head over-analyzes everything you’ve ever said
even as I’m screaming “STOP.”
If this continues there will be nothing left of me;
just the shining image of you I’ve created.

They say, “if you’ve got nothing, you’ve got nothing to lose.”
They also say, “easier said than done.”
But I feel like taking a chance;
all I want is you.

This world is too obscure to live each day in darkness.
So welcome happiness into your being
and accept that heaven -or hell
isn’t that far away.
Suppress each feeling of disdain
and replace it with feelings of compassion.
Don’t leave words unsaid
because they usually end in regret
say it now.

Remember  you are not alone
life isn’t as confusing as you think it is
and everyone deserves a happy beginning;
don’t worry about the ending.