dragged down to hell
        if there is one
in a dizzying stupor
        blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol
lying and lying and lying
        can’t find my pants anywhere
forgetting that shy girl holed up in her room
        she was boring anyway
and releasing a *****
        maybe i’ll make more friends
forget the past
        doesn’t matter anyway
forget tomorrow
        not to mention class
forget four years down the road
        when i have to grow up
**** that ****
        tonight i’m gonna party

“And the people in the houses
All went to the university
Where they were put in boxes
And they came out all the same.”

unity
        or
                insignificance?

living for the weekend
dreading the week
but going through it
because it’s required

drowning in a sea of decisions
that won’t matter in a hundred years

finding self fulfillment
inside your own mind
to escape the emptiness

forced through a path
willingly
because it’s good enough for everyone else

        zoom in
        splashes of color
                        zoom out
                        shades of gray

they said i could be whatever i wanted to be
president, actress, astronaut
my limit was beyond the sky
i didn’t have one at the time
but growing up changes things
they say “you need a job that makes money”
life becomes more permanent
deadlines approach
decisions need to be made
and I sit here
dreaming of everything i could be
half my head in the clouds
the other half’s on the ground
        part wishing
        part wanting

guidance in the form of clasped hands
only goes to the stop sign
past that you’re on your own
sooner or later you gotta let go
cross the street by yourself
one foot after the other
find my own way.
armed with the knowledge passed down year after year
words of wisdom
but what if i make a wrong turn?
what if i have to back track?
how long will it take till I am finally ready to live on my own
what will failing feel like?
what’s the worst that could happen?

Once upon a time there was a girl
who didn’t know what she wanted
(I don’t think any of us do)
you have to convince me
you are what I want
need
will die without
because if you can’t
I’ll just wait
wait to get swept off my feet
by somebody else

Little girls grow up believing
that magic is real
but it’s all just smoke and mirrors
we know Santa isn’t real
neither is the Easter Bunny
or the Toothfairy
but Prince Charming...
Prince Charming is real
somewhere deep down
I believe
my “soulmate” is out there
searching for me
as hopeful as I am searching for him

Is it a curse
haunting
creating false words
and false scenarios
that will never come true?
Hollywood says otherwise
if my life were a movie
you’d call me beautiful
write me songs
never let go
doubt overwhelming
but not giving up

Pale bare skin
hasn’t seen the sun since some time last August.

Dark roots growing out
since lack of bleaching summer rays.

Dinners of Turkey and slices of pie
pile fat onto my body.

Insecurites

Talk to guys, but haven’t been able to make one stay
since the last one left in August.

Coldness has seeped into my skin
filling my veins with icy bitterness

Oh sun, fill me with warmth
shine, sizzle, burn confidence into my being.

Conceal