I feel my friends slipping away
Grasping and clawing trying to hold on to them
Cold white hands reaching out of the darkness trying to find someone
No ones there, they've already left, moved on in there own lives
Having fun and making memory's
While I sit alone in terrible thoughts
Reaching and waiting for people who aren't there

Hell isn't a place but merely a moment, but for me hell is my life bcs the devils living inside of you
I remember when you used to say you loved me before walking out the door each morning
Although I don't quit remember when it stopped it's apparent that it did
Now I get fake sympathy, pity love but even that's scattered and broken
I remember when I was the invisible girl for 6 days straight
You didn't look at me or talk to me so I spent my time outside making friends with the rocks and worms
While you spent your time buying his love
((I would've just given you mine))
I remember when I had hope so I went searching for the good in you
To bad all of it had vanished, replaced with cold emptiness that seeps out of your mouth, glazes over your eyes, and is embedded in your fists and pretty soon the darkness crept it's way into me
I remember when you told me you loved her more then you'd ever love me, oh how I've always wanted to be as perfect as my sister
Oh how I wish you loved me just half as much as you love her
I remember when I wanted to be just like you when I grew up
How sad that day will be
To bad I got what I wished for
I heard you crying alone in your room
Giant sobs that shook your fragile body
I heard this and the corners of my mouth turned up
For the first time in years you made me smile
The futures inevitable, I'll grow up to be just like my mom

I itch to get out of my house
I need a distraction
I try and run from my thoughts
But I can't do it by myself
I itch for you to listen
I need you here with me
I run to the one person I have
But your going to bed
I itch for the pain to leave
I need some help
I run to the blade
But this is the last time
I itch for relief
I need to leave
I run to welcome my death

She told you she was sad and you told her she was the sun. Warm rays penetrating your skin making you feel happy and free, but when the sun stopped shinning so did you

She told you she stopped eating and you told her she was a flower. Unique and beautiful in the most imperfect way, but when the flower wilted away so did you

She told you she cut and you told her she was a river. Winding and twisting creating deep cannons all over the earth, but when her rivers over flooded you drowned in them

She told you in her note she was sorry and you wanted to tell her she was the sunset. Breath taking and colorful, never being able to see her true beauty, but this time the sun set and never rose again.

Seriously ****** up in the mental
Dreaming to see my grave
These scars on my skin weren't accidental
Sadness comes in waves

Drowning in my own thoughts
Submerged in voices that aren't my own
My mind is tangled in knots
Deeper under the waves I'm thrown

Extremely messed up in the brain
Wishing to lay 6ft underground
All the life in me has been drained
I'm not going to wait and hang around

I'll take a boat, plane, even a car
As long as it takes me far away
A gun, rope or pills in a jar
In my mind I'm not about to stay

Immensely ******* up in my head  
Where did I go so wrong
All I want is to just be dead
You were right all along

I'm beyond the point of relief
For me the world has gone dull
So don't you dare give me grief
I'm caught up in my skull

I GUESS YOU DIDNT MEAN ALL THE SOBER WORDS BECAUSE THE TRUTH CAME OUT WITH THE ***** AND MAYBE I WOULD'VE LEFT YOU IF I COULD STAND ON MY OWN WITHOUT FALLING OVER
BUT IM FILLED WITH THIS EMPTY BURNING WARM FEELING WHERE YOU SHOULD BE
I SWEAR YOU NEVER LOVED ME SOBER BUT MAYBE THATS JUST ME

Deceived to think I was living in heaven when it merely turned out to be hell
Discovered the devil had made a home of you, planting seeds in your darkest places
Who knew those seeds would grow into trees and root themselves deep within your veins  branching out towards everyone around you
I remember a time your knuckles implanted the seeds in me while your neglect of 3 words helped them to grow.
I tried for so long to get the seeds out, plowing my skin with a razor
Desperately trying to unearth them from my veins
But these seeds aren't going anywhere, they've made a garden out of me and they'll grow out of my bones when I finally dig to deep

Laughter is the best medicine
Except when you've been faking it for 2 years
Then laughter becomes the best disguise
And sooner or later
You won't remember what a real laugh even feels like

I hated the way
you smoked 2 packs everyday
concered for wrinkles

SHES DEAD SHES DEAD
I COULD'VE HELPED
BUT I LAYED HERE INSTEAD
UNABLE TO MOVE
TRAPPED IN MY BED
THE WORLD IS TO MUCH
TEARING ME TO SHREDS
SEEMS NOTHING BUT DARKNESS
LAYS UP AHEAD
PRETTY WHITE SHEETS
NOW COVERED IN RED
ITS TO LATE NOW  
SHES DEAD SHES DEAD

I should've never let you in
But i did
We should've just stayed friends
But you became more
I shouldn't have kissed you
But I was selfish
I needed someone who understood
And you did
But you knew to much, understood to well, I couldn't let you in anymore
So I pushed you out and far away

Everyone thinks I go to bed at 10
Little do they know that's when I awake
The real me, inner me, little voice inside my head that can't be hushed
all come out to say hello
Screaming and filling my head with terrible thoughts
It's in these next hrs that my friend comes to visit, my blade
The type of friend who you don't have to say anything to, he just understands
Helps me cope with the stress, loneliness, and numbness I feel  
I'll bleed out all my secrets and he's there to listen, never missing a drop
In the morning my friends will still be with me, just quieter, whispering,
But tomorrow night they'll be back loud and clear and we will talk again

I can't untangle the string anymore
Hands shaking, grasping at the knots
Purple, cold and numb are now my fingers
Arms shaking, weak, barley moving anymore
Vision has gone blurry making it impossible to see the knots
I can't untangle the string that is me
The tangled knotted mess I've become
But then you came along
Hands not fatigued or aching
With a better view of the string, telling me where to pull  
Slowly slowly
The knots began to fall, till there was nothing more then creases

I was smiling but not happy
I was alive but not living
I was a body who had lost it's soul
I was at the point of no return
I was already dead
I was dead long before I pulled the trigger

Feeling the damp wood on my thighs
Humming a tune and closing my eyes
Awaiting the arrival of my friend
To come and take me to my end
Wearing my prettiest dress
Hair in a tangled mess
I can hear the whistle off in the distance
I'm at the end of my existence

As I lay here in my bed
          I've decided
I'm going to rid these voices from my head
          Or die trying

I know people care
that's not the problem you'll see,
It's just people care but don't share
there feelings for me

Or maybe people haven't noticed,
maybe people haven't seen,
maybe people just turned a shoulder,
at all the marks carved into me

I wished someone would realize
and come and save me.
But I know it doesn't work like that,
Once people notice they usually flee.

When I'm standing here all alone,
after I've beaten myself to the bone,
Id just like someone to say
"I love you, I want you to stay"

But there's no one here for me on my last fateful day