A trace of light,
behind the curtain window.
An existence of life
under the willow.
The smell you left
on the yellow pillow.
It maim me deep,
even it's shallow.

They call me naive,
And hollow.
Please call me, Naive-
I am in sorrow.
Right here where you left me,
got nothing to follow.

Still under the willow,
laying beside your pillow.

"Inaalala ang araw
Na kumikinang
Ganoon ako tuwing nakikita ka;
Aking liwanag sa dilim"
----
"Naaalala mo pa
Ang mga araw na masamit
Nung tayo'y magkasama?
Abot ang ngiti sa malayong bituin

Kumusta ka?
Okay ka lang?
Pagod ka na yata
Sa katorpehan ng tao
O baka naman sa akin pala"

Twenty sixteen it is.
Vivid evocation
That's what this is all about.
I remember a girl,
too fool to fall in me.
But it's the first time
I ever felt loved by someone.
You were the best.
But I can't comprehend;
Too young for love;
Too dumb for life.
The day I left you, a hyacinth grew at top of my head.
Now it blooms all over my grave.

Pwede mo kong saktan
Pwede mo kong iwan
Pwede mo rin ako saktan;
sabay iwànan.
Basta yun ang ikakasaya mo
kahit ano para lang sa kasiyahan mo.
Ikinagagalak kong mamatay sa kamay ng isang tulad mo.

Bukang bibig nanaman ng aming bubong ang himig ng ulan.
Binibigkas ang iyong pangalan;
tila lungkot nanaman ang aking naramdaman.
Hinahanap ang iyong yakap at lambing--
habang naka tingen sa ulap na itim.
Lungkot at kakalungan ako'y iyong lubayan.
Masyado ng tahimik kelangan ko ang iyong himig.

My fire inside turns blue--
She said it's the warmest,
Yet, I only feel loneliness.
More like dead
Unalive fed with lies--
Bet everything for my favorite vice.
Things didn't go well since we cut off our ties.
Maybe this is how it ends living a life with those beautiful lies.
May we meet again, my little witch.

Your lies ***** me
You laugh and keep on laughing
Your soul is only already had a binding spell intertwined with his.
As you shake your potions and wave your wand. I, the one who is called the wicked one is afraid of the next spell that'll spill into the thorny tongue of yours. But then a flashy vivid light catches my eyes it carries all yellow and grey memories of ours.
Then the next spell you cast entered my body. It hurts, it hurts— Why? Why?
This more than death. This eternal misery. A spell that only have one loophole, a reverse spell, the spellcaster must die. In exchange for my freedom— At that moment I know that death is the only option I have. Avada Kedavra

When will it be? The day that I would stop breathing, my skin would pale. When would it be? Is it tomorrow? Maybe now while I'm typing this letter. I can't answer it time will always tell when would that be. It can be either death will let you know that you're on a death bed, or you're just gonna end up dead, clueless. While having this kind of thought, probably someone in this world only got a second to live. And here I am wondering, when would time be? It's funny because for the past few days. Five days to exact, I had a good life. I've lived a life where I make jokes to my grandma, still lazy, but ain't depressed. And now I just saw a post that Helen Mccrory died, cancer it is. The killing machine of this world. A night like this makes me want to live. That's why I can't sleep because I'm afraid that I won't be going to wake in the morning. Probably because I always wake up in the afternoon. It is a joke. Please laugh. But seriously, death is inevitable. It is the same fate that everyone shares. Even Klaus Mikaelson can relate. There's this line of Klaus that pops in my head "What if there's nothing after this, no peace, just darkness?" What if that's how it ends? That'll be, I don't know. I don't know. I guess we are all victims of this life that they gave us. So let's live life while we can embrace the pain, enjoy the moment because death is certain, and after it is not.
But always remember that let time tells when would that be. So don't **** yourself. We are perfectly made into this Imperfect world to live an imperfect life. So be it. Don't waste it for just another lonely night.

Life is still wonderful even it's *****

It's 4 AM
A few minutes ago it started
this unsure feeling that keeps on spreading.
Sometimes it's okày to say I'm okay
If you are not sure on what you feel.
Ring... Ring..
It is nostalgic—
It made me pick up my blanket
and wrap myself.
Stares at my ceiling
and did try not imagine.
But it keeps coming
the pain
the memories
then followed by numbness.
And then pain, memories, and numbness.
Then pain, memories and numbness

I fall in love with you every single day.
Every time I wake up, I fall in love.
Even in my dreams, you give me yellow butterflies.
There's something about you that I don't understand.
I can feel the stars in your voice.
It makes a happy man happier.

Now I understand what it feels to be infinite.
Thank you, April

She is December.
A zephyr of melancholy maim you.
Thee who bleed in the name of love—
The vessel of the abyss contains thy blood.

She turned twenty.
A lunula, an agony and bliss.
One should fall into the sea,
One will shine for thee.

She is December.
She decided to be moonless—
She's the end and she'll start all over again.

Braver, stronger— smarter
Hello, December.

For Zea,

I am the wicked warlock into the woods--
Which chose to be silently in love with a short-haired poetess wizard.
We were poles apart from beliefs and identity.

A spell versus curse;
wand versus potion,
mind versus heart.

Who will win?
(sigh)
I'd made a potion for you--
A potion for fondness;
Brouhaha; ain't laugh of the devil,
But a mirror of my emotion.
I opened the potion,
but I was rejected!!,
by your spell, 'Avada Kedavra'--
I died--
I died.

Patulogin mo ko

Seya, the little witch.

Dawn is near, my love -- I hope I can see you for another sunrise.
Shine like a sun smile like a moon.

Tangina ang sakit ahahahahahahah

I don't how or why it happened
but for real it *****--
the world is turning around up side down
making fun of me.
The audacity of life for giving me this irony.
*******-- I'm happy and yet you torture me silently.
Giving me this kind misery
that makes me think if this is the reality
or it is just still some sort of mystery.
*******-- for making me make this poetry.
I hate it, I really hate it.
I, who loved her first is having the little portion her life.
And you, you have her time, *******, I hate you, we both draw,
shares a same birthday-- in love with the same girl.
*******, please make her happy, please.
I hate you, bro.
But I'm happy both you.

Didn't know that moon can change its own orbit;
because now she's giving light on another planet.

Hey lana,

There's four corner in my room.
I was in the middle, fighting at midst
of a war between my mind and life.
Crawling, shouting, asking for help trying to reach someone's arm.
But end up being beaten by mind--

No one can help me.
I'm like at all the bottom of a swamp but I'm not drowning because even the water can't fill the void inside of me, checkmate buddy.
I'm dead inside
all I need to do is to literally die.

A bullet in my head,
marked by your name, lana.
You save me, in this four corner room.
You sat with me the middle.
Listening every thoughts in my head.
Giving words and transparency.
Making me comfortable, helping me ease the pain, and becoming my friend.
But in the end I know that it has to be ended.
I need to remove the bullet and heal myself.

Thank you, Cristina Castellana.
May we meet again

Solid rocks and pebbles;
barefoot and naked eyes.
The breeze of the sea touch upon his skin.
A smell of your den-- coming from a nine-mile yon away.
As he calls thy name- you left him with another thorny mile away.
You made him run so far away--
up and down into your lovely glen.
As he reaches the lea and saw a brae.
And his naked eyes turn into a serene sea.

I saw someone wearing red--
and shine like gold, smiles like silver.
Moods are blue but it can be yellow.
He lays in a greeny yard but feels gray inside.
He thought of violet-like it is a garden.
He ate orange to feel alive--
but the sky is pink.
It reminds him of her.
His tears flow upon his tan skin
and the sky starts to get darker.
Clouds starting to turn into ash--
And every color turns black.
So if the combination of all colors is black.
So is the emotion.

Love is strange but life is much stranger.
We let go of someone we because it's what society said.
Life is  strange good and bad exist.
So we always need to choose and there is always a choice.
And it gets stranger when we regret what we chose even
though it is right.

Maybe love is strange like when every time we think if aliens are real or why our sole is the only part we can tickle that can cause itchiness and laughter.

I miss you, that's all.

Gusto ko sanang matulog ngunit mas masarap ang mamatay.

Love is a big lie-- no one wants to die with you nor can accept your nightmare self. Dark side sky, the troubling sea-- reflects the light of a rumbling sky at three. Terrible thee-- drinking a cold coffee in the mid of autumn twenty-twenty. Your watch becomes blurry because of a cold-breeze of the bitter eve.

hmm, yeah, another night to start pretending that everything is okay.  Another night to start asking whys, another night to suffer.
Another night to miss her.
another night--
another night
another night
another night to feel okay
another night to become numb
another night to bother somebody because of this another night.
another night to choke myself
another night to fail
another night try to **** myself again
another night to fail again
another night to write
another night **** things up
another ****** up night
another breathless night
another night

Hey, I think I'm dying literally--
didn't know if I'm overthinking or it's indeed a taste of death.
Either way, I want to live and never leave.
But if the reaper cuts my throat and rips my heart.
I want you to know I will die happy knowing that she loved me.

Sometimes I feel bad,

when I'm happy,

because I know,

I'm supposed to be lonely,

and live an entire misery.

patayin niyo nako

I wish you could see me into this thick tinted window,
watching you pass through it.
It *****, and every night is a sorrow--

I am here near the surface of the sea.
Seeing her passing in a serene sea.
As she flees away, I start chasing.
Hoping for a wave to push me to get faster.
But there is no wave that will help.
I need to move faster the ship is sailing away.
But I guess she's heading at the east  to meet another Sol
that will rise at six.

"Sun and moon aren't meant to be together."
They're flawed and blessed;
They shine together at 6
be separated at 8.
One shine so bright--
The other one shines through his light.
One is whole all the time-
The other one depends on what day she has.
Sunkissed can burn you,
but for her, it gave her life.
And the sun loves to give her light until the day they will meet again.

happy  1 year and 5 months

Hey, my little witch; a curse that is too much to handle.
We gonna live with it forever the mark of it will remind us.
How horrible this curse made us separate. How I wish this rainbow between us makes you smile.
O my Alizea, I hope you'll make an amazing and wonderful life.
It ***** that sooner or later your laugh will cease to exist but always lives inside my heart.
This isn't a poem anymore how I wish I can make you another lovely poem.
Just like what I always said, " Love is still superior".
I hope you love yourself more than you love me.
I promise if ever our heart meets again-- We will do all our promises together.
For now, live a life without a curse tingling inside your heavenly soul.
May we bloom and meet again, my little witch.

I wanna take drugs
ain't to cure my depression.
But to make me forget of all this ****
that makes me more vulnerable and sick.
I wanna overdose myself feel
the life and death situation.
And if I'm not lucky to die;
I wish it'll make forget every **** that
I and this world did.
Amnesia--
Amnesia--
let me get one.
I want some.
I need some amnesia in my life.
I would embrace it more than my flaws.
**** society.
******* STUPID ME.

I love her I can even conquer my fear for her.
I can hike with her even I'm afraid of height.
I remember, I did my best to comfort her while we're riding
on a twenty kilometer per hour Ferris wheel
and almost one hundred feet high.
I love her, I can die knowing she loves me too.

Soon my body will get cold and I wish you are there at the den or just a window to stare at your daily life. I wish you can hear me even tho I'm far away. I wish there's a pillow whenever I hug I can feel what you feel, so we can share it together. I wish I can tell you how much I love you before I go. I wish Mr. Morningstar will make me suffer thru your breathe that whispers into my ears. So that I can suffer happily, adios, mi amor.

The moon always leaves me hanging into its shady part, maria.
I ask her does it hurt when you're not full.
Because I can feel your pain here at your seas--
it makes me feel gray and wants to brighten you up.
But I'm just a meteor that landed and left you a scar--
shattered into pieces and melted by your fire.
Now I am part of you
but as a bittersweet scar.

I dreamed about you
I thought it's was real--
I thought we're wearing
a crescent moon again.
But the time I woke up it all fades
and I wish I can go to sleep again
and dream about you, my little witch.

We're afraid, yes we are, the one is afraid to be left, the other one is afraid to leave. But, as we, we are afraid to love again,

"Sun and moon aren't meant to be together."
They're flawed and blessed;
They shine together at six,
be separated at eight.
One shine so bright--
The other one shines through his light.
One is whole all the time-
The other one depends on what night she has.
Sunkissed can burn you,
but for her, it gave her life.
And Sol loves to give her light until the day they meet again.
But the apocalypse came--
And both of them didn't shine for golden dawn again.

I keep on dying everytime, I'm worthless for her

another day to wonder what death looks like