stuck in a bad dream,
a loop of nightmares of
losing you and leaving you
and I can't wake up.
I watch myself make
the same mistakes
over and over again.
watch myself ruin all
the things that once made
me so happy. watch
myself lay hands on
everything but you.
I just want to wake up
in our bed, in your arms,
while you kiss my face
and tell me everything
is going to be okay.

there are days
I want to tell you
how you broke me
and there are days
I remember
you don't deserve
the satisfaction

burns, seared
into my flesh -
every mistake,
every wrong
turn, every lie,
everything
I have ever done.
can you see it?
feel the heat of it?
I live in  fear
of the day
you touch
my skin again
and read it on me
like braille.

the rhythm something
like drunk dancing
on the edge of a cliff
lit up by moonlight -
afraid maybe you'll fall;
afraid maybe you won't.

chest is a graveyard
full of the ghosts of all
those that i have loved;
every rib bone a eulogy,
fingertips a prayer.
you'll find me on
my knees, begging
for forgiveness, for
rebirth - untying
every nerve, disconnecting
every bone. undress
this body, bare this
soul and you'll find empty
canvas, empty promise,
empty glass.

i hope
when you kiss her
all you taste is
me.

plucked
the flowers
from my ribs
whispering,
love me,
love me not.

they left blood
smears across
my skin, left
dead petals
at my feet.

left me the
altar of love
that will never
be mine.