I want to be seen.
I want to be heard.
I want you to love me as I am.
All the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Every time I think
That we're going somewhere
That we're moving forward
You show me why I have to take two steps back.

I'll get drunk on a random friday night
Let the poison consume me
and curse your name to the gods
I'll smile like a child on Christmas morn, thinking about details of you
I'll stumble and fall on the kitchen floor, crying my eyes out at the fact that you're never coming back
I'll live with the dull ache inside my chest and feel empty most of the time because no one has ever touched my existence the way you have
I'll miss you like no other and think of what could have and should have been for days on end
I loved you then, I love you now
But I'm not going to call you and force my way in a door that has been bolted shut.

Words are cheap.
Show me who you are;
Show me the monsters under your bed,
Show me the skeletons in your closet,
The demons that you hide, and
The storms that rage.
Show me a world of wonder
and of things that ache.
Show me what you see in the mirror in your wake,
The flowers that bloom beneath your feet
and the crown bestowed upon your head.

Let me see your heart,
Is it made of gold?
Have you held the world in your hands? Have you had it at your fingertips?
Have you lost it in the blink of an eye?
Eyes of ember, show me your soul.
Show me how gentle, how destructive you can be.

Show me what you fear
your imperfections
and the tears you've resisted to let fall
Show me the things you struggle with and the things to which you've given your all.

Show me what keeps you awake in the dead of night
What keeps you tossing and turning in your bed
The sins that have come back to haunt you  
Your unanswered prayers
Your hopes and dreams
Your what-ifs and oh-wells

Show me what breaks you
What binds you
and maims you
Show me what fuels your rage
and what shakes you to the core

Show me what brings you joy
and what makes you smile
Show me what makes you stay
and keeps you warm inside

Show me the little boy inside struggling to get out at times
Show me the man you are now - flaws and whatever it takes to be human
No lies
No deception
No masks nor facades
Just you.

Show me what it is to be human, and I'll show you what it is to be divine.


All my love,
Faye

May we forgive the ones who refuse to see past our faults and our flaws.
May we forgive the ones who make us feel like the results of our upbringings are our faults and ours alone.
May we forgive the ones who make us feel as though we are the heaviest burden to carry.
May we forgive the ones who have wronged us.
May we forgive the ones who have beaten and broken us,
and
May we forgive the ones who struggle to see our hearts.

My heart aches and yearns
For what isn't mine
Every pump and drop of blood
Excruciating as I continue
To take a breath of life
Do my seconds count
Do my heartbeats matter
I sit here blinking away my tears
and my thoughts of you
Heaven forbid I die at your hand
I long for your sweetest touch and the sound of your voice
Look at me with those pools of ember as I come undone in the moonlight
I'm your backseat lover
I'm your sigh of relief
One look
One sound
Three words
I'm all yours and everything else
Flies out of the window

Touch my hands
Touch my soul too
Show me warmth
Show me light
Wrap your arms around me
And tell me we'll be alright.

She sits in the corner
Feet bound and mouth covered
Held captive by a mind none other than her own
She drifts into oblivion
to the heavens and beyond
to Mercury and the Moon
While the world stops not on her account
Incoherently, the chatter continues
She dwindles between dreaming by day and slumber by night.

I see you
I see your soul and the storms brewing
raging
in your eyes
All you want to be is you
To live this life
and not be bound to labels
the senseless bicker
and the ever-prying eyes
of those around you
My darling, let me tell you this:
They do not matter
This life is yours to make
Yours to live
You have a soul that needs no change
Your smile
Your eyes that hold so much life, so much love, so much pain
Your heart that the world needs so much
You are free to be who you are
You have never been bound to anyone nor anything.
So fly
Flow freely
Ignite the fires within and burn ever so brightly, that the world will tremble to take them away.

All my love,
Faye

Wandering this earth at 21
With no right path
No green pastures
Just rock
Mud
Dirt
And the frightening thoughts that run through my head
I fear the worst
As I am lost
My compass has long been broken
This nothingness is maddening
And shakes me inside out
I wish to cry
And scream
And fall
Into the dark abyss
To become
One
With nothingness
Silence
Peace
Solitude
Take me under your wings
And let me
Bid farewell
To the gray area
I call my life.

I envy the words that spew out of Mercury
How he had the world at his fingertips
With just a word or a string of notes
He is the glue that binds
The hopeless and the hopeful
The faithless and the faithful
The misfits and those who belong
He knows love and he knows pain
Eyes of oak and voice of honey

To be continued

I don’t exactly remember when I realized that I like you. I just remember all the moments in between when I’d catch a genuine smile or wait for you to laugh after my corny punchlines or feel your hand softly brush against mine or get caught up in the warmth I feel whenever you tell me more about yourself. I don’t remember everything. But I do remember you.

Saturday, 28th of March 2020

Humans can be quite complex beings.
We love, we make mistakes,
We love making mistakes,
We harm --
Harm the people that we love.
But I wonder; do we ever truly know how much damage we’ve caused
When we choose to make the wrong decisions,
Or harm the people that we supposedly claim to love?
It is quite daunting.
And yet, we manage to forget that regardless of being forgiven,
And the thought that redemption is still acquirable,
We forget that there are still remnants of that pain,
Of the hurt,
And anger,
And betrayal.
We forget that we have caused so much pain
That whenever we are met with a reminder of our errors,
We flinch and we act as if we are not at fault for the hurtful words strewn across these walls.
We become in denial.
When all the other soul yearns for is the well-deserved apology
And reflection
They have been denied of.
All the human heart ever truly aches for
Is sincerity
And the most tender of touches built to soothe the brokenness
For angry hands can never mend a broken heart.  
We forget that it is painful to be hurt by the ones we love.
And we still hurt them anyway,
Simply because we are human.
“To err is human. To forgive, divine.”
So Shakespeare preaches.
Maybe it is wired into every human that is born into this glorious world.

Walk through this life
knowing that the heavens
Can and will
Throw stones
Raise mountains
Raise hell
Send storms
and ignite flames that will burn you from inside out
Everything will ache
and it will feel as though you've cried rivers and oceans of pain
But
the gods will send and fashion you with a soul so perfectly curated to match yours
and nothing will ever be the same again.
However broken you are,
However lost you may be,
All will be well and you will heal
You will mend each other's aches
and complete what is missing
Together, you will grow
and gain more strength to move the mountains you have been assigned to move
Not all will be easy, for that is the way of life
But you will learn within time and reason, that they are worth fighting for
Amidst all the struggles and pains
So hold them close, my love.
For that soul is rare to find, and rare to have.

All my love,
Faye