Wandering this earth at 21
With no right path
No green pastures
Just rock
Mud
Dirt
And the frightening thoughts that run through my head
I fear the worst
As I am lost
My compass has long been broken
This nothingness is maddening
And shakes me inside out
I wish to cry
And scream
And fall
Into the dark abyss
To become
One
With nothingness
Silence
Peace
Solitude
Take me under your wings
And let me
Bid farewell
To the gray area
I call my life.

I'll get drunk on a random friday night
Let the poison consume me
and curse your name to the gods
I'll smile like a child on Christmas morn, thinking about details of you
I'll stumble and fall on the kitchen floor, crying my eyes out at the fact that you're never coming back
I'll live with the dull ache inside my chest and feel empty most of the time because no one has ever touched my existence the way you have
I'll miss you like no other and think of what could have and should have been for days on end
I loved you then, I love you now
But I'm not going to call you and force my way in a door that has been bolted shut.

I don’t exactly remember when I realized that I like you. I just remember all the moments in between when I’d catch a genuine smile or wait for you to laugh after my corny punchlines or feel your hand softly brush against mine or get caught up in the warmth I feel whenever you tell me more about yourself. I don’t remember everything. But I do remember you.