A barbie doll. A basketball. A mickey mouse sweatshirt.
A barbie doll. A basketball. A mickey mouse sweatshirt.
That is all that I see.
My knees are tucked against my chest
And my arms are wrapped around them.
My chin is positioned between my knees
And my eyes peer out between the spaces.
I shrug my shoulders against my ears
So that I don't have to hear
What's going on downstairs.
A barbie doll. A basketball. A mickey mouse sweatshirt.
But the words, like a poisonous gas,
Seep through the air vent.
"*****. ****. You don't see
What's she's doing to us."
I tilt my head and bury
My face in my forearms.
I bite my lip and try
Not to cry.
But I can feel the heat building
And my chest tightening
As the tears begin
To crawl from
My eyes.
I listen again,
Unintentionally,
To the shrill voice
Piercing my not-so-silence.
"Take her home,
We can figure this out
On our own."
I try to breathe,
But oxygen escapes me,
As if it too hates me.
My chest shakes,
My heart rattling
In its cage, cold from
A lack of love
And warm embrace.
I bury my face deeper,
Into the crevices of my legs,
Until I hear the footsteps
Crashing up the staircase.
A whimper escapes my lips.
She twists the **** and throws
Open my bedroom door,
Long strides to reach me,
And a fist near my throat.
She reaches for my hair,
And knots it between her fingers,
Before using it to pull me like a rope.
Dragging me across the carpet,
And into the kitchen,
She tosses me
At my father's legs.
"Now tell her exactly
What you told me."
I look up at him
Through frightened eyes
And he reaches down
And pulls me from the ground.
"I'm taking her home."
A trickle of relief
Slides down my throat
Until a wave of pain
Crashes into my leg
From behind.
My face hits the
Linoleum first,
Followed by my hands
Then shoulders, then hips.
"That's not what you said!"
He steps between
Her and me
And lifts me
From the floor,
Holding me close,
And walking quickly
Out the door.
And finally,
I am safe,
For another day.
But as my father
Sits me
In the passenger seat
And drives away,
I silently pray that
No other ten year old
Would ever feel this way.

"will you give me your whole heart, my darling?"

my darling, my love,
my heart is not whole
it's shattered in pieces
and the pieces are lost
for I've given them all away

I gave a piece to my mother
but she traded it for a diamond ring
as she traded her family
for a life with a rich older man

I gave a piece to my father
but he forgot all about my love
as he drank to forget his misery
and the love that he'd lost

I gave a piece to my baby sister
but she let it fall from her hands
as she fell too hard and too fast
into the arms of a handsome bad boy

I gave a piece to my best friend
but she took it six feet under
when she took her own life
because my love couldn't save her

I gave a piece to my first love
but he stole it from me
while he stole the hearts of other girls
because just one love wasn't enough

I kept only one piece for myself
but I threw it down a wishing well
wishing for a better life and
someone to love my broken heart

so forgive me, my love,
my heart is much to broken
to give you my whole heart
that you truly deserve

"then all I ask is for one piece, my darling"

so I gave the last piece to you
but as I laid it into your warm hands
I fell dead and laid on the cold ground
as my broken heart at last stopped beating

-sg