the two that broke me
combined , don't have the strength
to put me back together.

you make me laugh and cry in the same day

i tell you this
you answer,  i do that to myself
i say
it's me,  me i'm talking about
because of you
my eloquence is gone
now i'm fumbling like a fool reaching for words to keep you
when it's your words i need
just those words
i need you in my life
is it that hard for you to execute
those patterns of caring
of loving
of remembering

yes

one day i will break you
and break down that wall of resistance
and when that happens
will i love you even more?

no

it's not possible to love you more
than i love you right now

i love who you are
don't change
not even for me

the word love thrown around
love
my fathers love
when i wanted him close and he was too tired, too busy too occupied
i waited and waited for something
some sense of caring
was he too busy did he not care.......
no
he was a man
a man with needs and desires
filled with love and lust
all along a little boy wanting to be loved
to be safe
he loved me yet i didn't feel it

and then there was me
dad can you take me here take me there
i'm too tired babe
oh ok
he doesn't love me
he has no time for me
i'm nothing
nothing
love means nothing
love means nothing
it's just a word
love
and now he's gone
and i can only tell him how much i miss him
and how much i loved him
but he knows, and he tells me so

they don't get it

and then there was he
that word it's thrown around
love
but for some, it's their whole reason
their reason for being
to love
someone
who needs to be loved
and i am deserving of it
i know she loves me
with all my weary
maybe i can love her fully
some day
if she'll be here for me
she will
i feel it
and
my dad tells me so

We had fed the heart on fantasies,
The heart's grown brutal from the fare.

where did you go
did i miss the day you left
cause i'm still here waiting for you to say goodbye

i didn't see your razor gone
the sheets are still a mess
going over in my head everything you've done
or i've done wrong

am i suppose to guess
once more what you're thinking

i can't finish your sentences anymore
your words became my poetry
i'd finish what you never saw

you've left a mess of me

where did you go
and how long were you gone
or were you never here from the beginning

another poem
another song

if i had blinked i would have missed you
you didn't hover long
i barely had an interest
i turned and you were gone
you came back strong for another shot
i started to pay attention
i hear all the lies now, that then i forgot
your selfishness you forgot to mention
you made me believe it was worth being with you
your throne to my knees i did bend
and now i'm out here on my own pretending
ah, you were just a lover, never a friend

i was alone
you lived your life

every inch of my soul is shred to tears
i doubt i can ever forgive you
love and laughter,  now  grief and fear
crazy that i could still want you

you broke off pieces till nothing was left
i dare you to come get the rest
although  you know you don't deserve to
they'd only shatter in your carelessness

how sad it doesn't matter

i was always alone
you will live your life

there's nothing left
i can't pretend

how deep does it have to be to be considered soul?
not many or many few people have what would be considered soul
what depth of feeling and emotion is it?
is it pure empathy?
is it an understanding between as few as two people
sharing something or some experience that they and only they connect on?
many characteristics make up a truly caring person,
intelligence, compassion, empathy, insight, foresight, grace and a sense of humor.
why does it seem that the deepest thinking persons find humor in the most remedial of  things?
is it because we know and understand the heartbreak and the love lost
and the true love shared for each other?
so it's ok to poke fun, or to be ridiculously silly without judgement,  cause
the humor masks the pain and fear of knowing that
the laughter simply hides the tears.