I remember our last night
You had that look in your eyes
And I knew somewhere
You were saying goodbye

While I was holding on
You were letting go
I remember...
Time slowed to a crawl

The words you spoke
Weren't really yours
Something else had taken over
It was all in the look in your eyes

Your voice said go
But your eyes said stay
So I wrapped myself in you
And held on tight

Tried to console you
Until we feel asleep
And for a moment
Everything made sense

Then morning came
I had a plane to catch
An unpacked suitcase
No time to waste

I remember our final goodbye
Outside the security gate
Tears blurred my vision
Pain consumed my heart

I felt your strong arms
And your soft lips
Whisper, "I love you"
Then I had to go

I saw you one last time
******* a kiss
And as I tried to catch it
You were already gone

Grief...

Sneaks up on you
without warning
like a thief in the night
blinding you with its unthinkable power
forcing you to stop in your tracks
rethink everything you thought was real
stealing your happiness
smothering your joy
masking your pain
rerouting your future
Mere seconds
Is all it needs
to sweep you off your path
leaving you wandering in the dark
with no signs pointing where to go
an empty, frightful road ahead
but that part comes later


At first you forget...
How to think
How to feel
How to breathe
But you must do these things
To survive the impact
Shutting down inside
Until you are nothing
Memories on replay
Questions with no answers
Nothing makes sense to you
Yesterday was a dream
of the life you once lived
Today is your reality
Cold, hard, blunt reality
Where time has ceased to exist
But only in your world
And all you can think about
is the divide between
then and now

You may stay here a while
then slowly you start to notice
the eerie silence
of being by yourself
and you reach out to someone
anyone who will listen
you can talk
you can cry
you can scream
you can laugh
you can be alive again
the emptiness has been filled
with emotion again

Then you find yourself
on your knees
paralyzed by the strength of grief
you can't get up
and face the truth
so you hide behind a faithful ruse
those fake smiles
the forced laughter
the countless “I'm okays”
but this will never be okay
how can you accept this
tragedy of your life
and that is the beginning
of all the real emotion
springing forth from a trapped well
inside your soul
feelings you forgot you had
fear you never imagined you'd have
thoughts you wish would stop
pure, raw, human emotion

Anger that threatens to consume you
in fits of rage that threaten your sanity
asking over and over why
knowing you'll never have an answer
mad at him for what he's put you through
mad at yourself for being angry at him
mad at the world because it exists this way
your search for answers
leaves you asking more questions
overwhelming you to the point of tears
then you cry and let it out
until you have no more tears
and you yell at him
and tell him how much you love him
and tell him how much you hate this
and tell him how you wish he was here
and then you yell that your sorry
and you don't even know what for
but there is nothing else to say

The push and pull
between holding on and letting go
feeling happy and feeling sad
wanting to live and wanting to die
knowing you don't have a choice
but to go on and live your life
even if you don't know
what living it means right now
waking up is hard to do
and getting through a day
is your main challenge
so you push through the pain
and fight back the tears
but when the sun sets
and all is still again
there you will find
your old friend grief
welcoming you back again

Why?
It’s the one question on my mind
That holds so much power
In my thoughts these days

And If I could turn back time
You know I would
And if I could undo what’s done
You know I would

But I can’t…


Why?
Couldn’t I see all your pain
Didn’t I do enough to help
To make the hurt go away

And If I had one more day
We’d spend it laughing
And If I had one more hug
I’d never let you go

But I don’t…


Why?
Did you have to go so soon
Did you have to leave me here
To face this world without you

Why?
I will never know the answer
I will never understand
Until I see you someday again

But I need to know....
Why?

Love is friendship set to music
A beautiful score played for us
A melody I will hold in my heart
And cherish for all eternity

Love is friendship on fire
A flame that burns so bright
That dances between two hearts
Intertwining them forever

Although it was for a brief moment
Our paths crossed for a reason
Syncing up for key moments
In each others' hopes and dreams

You came into my life
In the most unexpected way
The circumstances weren’t right
But we became friends

Over the years we grew closer
Helping each other through
The many twists and turns
All the good and the bad

We couldn’t see each other
As much as we wanted
Life got in the way too often
Forcing us to wait it out

But we spent each day talking
And we spent the time laughing
Making our days a little brighter
One conversation at a time

You were always there for me
When I needed you most
With comforting words
And a heart of gold

The love you had for me
Expanded to my daughter
And you accepted her as your own
When her father moved on

Now you have left this world
But you will never be forgotten
Your battle is finally over
You are free now, my love

You were the love of my life
The greatest friend I’ve ever known
The sweetest lover I’ve ever known
The strongest man I’ve ever known

As tears fall from my eyes
And sorrow fills my heart
I know this isn’t the end
And someday we will meet again

Until that day…
I will miss you so much