Lauren is a small-town girl with crazy psycho anxiety and a fondness for Los Campesinos! and Arcade Fire. She spends her time self-diagnosing herself with cancer, studying, and hanging out with her boyfriend.
Sometimes she plays music and turns the wo 22 followers / 2.9k words
She, Thick eyeliner'd eyes Racoon-rung, fingers slunk around The overused pencil, smudged on her hand And yet, it's not how she feels More, how she wants to feel. Oh, such a scarred star In a sea of dulling graphite.
One time (for real) I dreamed I was nothing And everything had Been a dream And I was a speck -(it's) Weird and everything was Blue Blue Blue And I was nothing Everything that had been something was -Not Anything and What was -Worth Anything?
-It Ended, obviously (how queerhow queerhow) And nothing is the same Now, and how can I see the Worth in things when Once Upon a Time I remember being absolutely nothing?
(like in utero) (like a wordly zygote) (suspended in the amniotic fluid of a quiet suburban mother)
You are depressed And I am anxious We are a headcase
And when you're crying, I am swearing and probing And when you're suicidal I am angry and empty I offer you no sympathy And you ask for none
You offer me no comfort and I Endlessly demand it.
Your depression (like an uncertain vice) Squeezes around my life. (i don't care if i live or die) (an unintended pregnancy will be swiftly stopped with the death of its host) (cancer may be met with a compliant body)
My anxiety (like a wet blanket) Smothers your indifference out. (you are nauseous with worry) (my unending talk about cancer and pregnancy ***** the remaining life out of you) (You love me but hate my conversation)
And now whose to say that I am depressed and anxious and You are anxious and depressed and You're gone for the summer and I'm home for the summer, wishing on blood. We are a headcase.
And when you are worrying I am indifferent And when you speak of death I listen without repulsion And when I am anxious you are egging me on And my Plan B is suicide (is it your Plan A?)