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Lauren Pope May 2013
I wanna find a boy and break his heart,
the way you broke mine.

I wanna tell him lies and make him swoon,
the way you did with me.

I wanna be an emotionless shell of a person,
the way you are.

I wonder how it feels to destroy somebody,
the way you destroyed me.

Is it fun? It must be. I wanna try.
I wanna make a boy cry.

I wanna make him think I care.
I wanna caress and kiss his hair and
then **** his best friend.

I want to make him need me.
Crave me.
Love me.

Think he'll die without me.
Then I wanna rip it all out from under him.

Baby, I wanna be like you.
Lauren Pope May 2013
Eleven Weeks. Is that all it took?
To take us from strangers, to
lovers, to strangers again? I knew
you for eleven weeks yet it felt
like a life time of memories.

Eleven Weeks. Is that all it took?
For me to break every rule of
love for you? To let down my guard
and make you the exception?

Only Eleven Weeks. For you to
become the most important person
in the world to me. For me to become
so co-dependent on you that the
thought of you not being near made me ill.

Eleven Weeks to go from a strong, independent woman to a love sick fool.
Eleven Weeks to sell my soul and give you everything you wanted from me.
Eleven Weeks to lose who I was because I thought you were so great.
Eleven Weeks to rethink my previous notions about love and affection.
Eleven Weeks to become the loneliest I've ever been.

It's not a lot of time and the simple fact that
Eleven
Measly
Weeks
Can change who I am at the core of my being is not okay with me.

Twenty one years being who I was.
Eleven Weeks to tear it all apart.
Lauren Pope May 2013
Electric Wonder.
Exciting Beauty.
The girl with the smile.
The perfect storm.
Wonderful. Just. Wonderful.
Skinny Love.

Aren't we a shy pair? The names
you use to describe me to others are cute indeed
but I'd like them better if you used them with me.

I'm more than Lauren, your friend from school.
I'm the electric wonder who you deemed "too cool"
to pursue back in eighth grade. So you sat back like a
fool and let me get my heart broken by a boy who didn't care.
I forgive you though,
my friend,
because you were there when he let me down.
And it was your hug that I'd wished had been his all along.

And back in tenth grade when another stood me up,
it was you, skinny love, who picked me up. From a
lonely cold night outside the movies. It was you,
my friend,
who took me out for ice cream and it was you,
my friend,
who told me he wasn't worth the trouble.
In tenth grade you deemed me an exciting beauty who
could never fall for a man like you. But all along it was
your hand I wished had been holding mine.

And my senior year when we parted ways,
and we reminisced about the days we had
you had a look on your face. Like there was something
you just had to say. But instead,
my friend,
you told me you'd miss me when I was at college
and nothing more. You made me the girl with the smile
that ignited the light in your heart but you did not tell me.
You let me go. And I never let you know that I wish it had
been you in school who I called my own.

Summer after I came home from my first year away,
you said I had changed. I had purple in my hair
and the care I once had of the opinions of others was
gone. We spent weeks together, like nothing had changed.
And when I cried because I had to leave you again you
were the one,
my friend,
who calmed my fears and promised to visit
once you'd moved in.
I was your perfect storm of grace and tragedy.
And it was you,
my friend,
who I wanted to share every moment with
during those warm summer nights.

Sophomore year you brought me to a party. I
didn't know anyone and your friends were rude.
And when I wanted to leave and never come back it was you,
my friend,
who stood up for me and told them I was perfect.
You said I was Wonderful. Just. Wonderful. And after all
the times I let the truth stay bottled up inside I finally
let it out. That kiss on the porch was not the wine, nor the
****. It was me. It was you. It was us. It was all the times
you were there for me and all the times I'd secretly wished
you were those boys who'd let me down.

So why? Skinny Love? Why continue on this way?
No need for another heart break. Let's admit the
way we feel, my friend,
the way we've always felt.

For tenth grade me.
For senior year you.
For the times we cried together.
And hid our feelings for each other.

Come now, skinny love, tell me how you feel.
Written for a friend of mine who I've always considered my soul mate. He's my skinny love and has really helped me through the recent heart break.  Hopefully one day we can be more than just two people who are too shy to admit our feelings outloud.
Lauren Pope May 2013
What we had didn't matter to me.
Didn't mean anything to me.
Without you I feel free.

Your touch of my skin didn't make me feel.
Because I knew it wasn't real.
You're nothing to me.

The words you said didn't captivate me.
Enamor me.
It was just an act,
I'm sure you'll agree.

You were just a game to play.
A heart to betray.
You're worthless to me.

You're a ghost to me.
At most you'd be,
nothing more than
a mind to ****.
A stupid schmuck.

Sorry.
Sorry.
I just needed to lie for a second.

Because my lies are your realties.
I'm done with the formalities.

It hurts. Because I cared and shared
all that was the mess of me with
somebody as unworthy as you
because I thought I knew
who you were and your intent with my heart.

I should've seen from the get that I was
just another
twit you could mold and fool.

I'm sorry.
I just need to lie again.
For a moment.

I'm fine now.
I'm strong now.
It doesn't hurt.
I'm moving on.
I'm better off.
I feel alive.
I'll be okay.

Sorry.
Sorry.
I just need to lie for a second.

I'm glad we had it.
I don't regret it.
I'm glad I opened up.
I'm glad I shared my trust.

Sorry.
Sorry.
Sorry for the lies.
Lauren Pope May 2013
Ten
"I don't want you to be angry with me, alright?"
Alright

Nine
"This just isn't what I want right now, okay?"
Okay.

Eight
"I feel really bad for leading you on."
It's fine

Seven
"I'm just not in a good place."
I understand

Six
"I don't wanna ruin our friendship."
Me neither

Five
"And you're a sweet girl."
Thanks

Four
"It's just really hard."
No, I get it.

Three
"Are you alright?"
Yeah

Two
"Cool then?"
Yeah

One*
"Cool."
Cool

— The End —