Your'e going to have to try harder than that,
way harder.
The words you say just
go right through.
I've heard them a million times before,
and how could I not?
With all the guys I've been with
it's hard to remember who's-who.
Was it John or Drew
that gave the bear for Valentine's Day
or was that at the fair or zoo?
But anyways, it doesn't matter now.
It's you and me,
right now,
in my room
and even though you're a different guy,
there's nothing new.
I mean, I wish this time could be special,
but it's not.
I don't feel like it is,
and I don't have a girlfriend
to call and share my thoughts.
Well, maybe I should just give up on this
because I'm staring you down
and you're probably wondering
what my thoughts are
jumbling around.
I'll just say nothing-again.
Any you'll say "okay",
and I'll hope to God I'll be just that the next day,
because I want you to try harder,
I'll try harder to-
But I have to start with me,
not you.

Grabbing me, touching me, holding me, loving me,
Do you know what it meant to me?
Kissing me, squeezing me, leaving me, telling me,
this is the way it needs to be.

You need to follow in their footsteps,
they set a path for you.
You won't even leave a mark,
they've got you covered.
But I'm so used to it.
I've walked this way before,
I remember the weather.

I barely feel a thing.
I didn't notice you were seeing the skies
with different eyes.
I lost mine.

You're not the same,
but I don't care.
And you're not my prince,
but I'd follow you anywhere.
There's nowhere else to go,
you make me warm when I get cold,
but that only lasts a little while.
Gone like a spark
from a fire blown out.

Why did you change me to ashes
when I once burned bright?
You didn't know your own strength,
I didn't know mine.
Fighting through the tears
to keep what remains,
keeping it inside,
to hide the pain.

Walking down the hallways
with her wrong fingers crossed.

Head down,
glasses crooked,
hair all tossed.

Something in the air
makes me stare at you.
Something in the water
gives me these feelings
and tells me to do the things I do.

I don't even know you
I've only talked to you once

But I still can't help but
hold my breath as you walk by
avoid eye contact
giggle
act shy

**this is ridiculous

I never thought this would happen-
the lights falling on me this way,
lifting my soul up,
and you are watching with those shining eyes.

The light is coming from you,
revealing all my imperfections.
You wanted it to be this way.
I'm not sure if I do.

I want to shrink,
hide under a warm blanket of darkness,
but you are still there.

The light calls to me
in a most peculiar way.
Shattering my fears
that were building to a ******.

And even though I know you are watching,
I can't reach you.
Even if you are reaching,
I can't touch you.

Your light got so bright,
it was blinding.
I cover up with a fort I built with lies,
in the night,
I look up.

I see you in the sky.
Little spots of you in me.
Little spots of hope in the dark.

Okay, say I'm okay.
Haven't had the time
to think about anything else
but you today.
Too busy running things
around in my head-
thoughts of words left unsaid.

Oh, won't I get up
and do something about it?
Can't fight back
cause I don't know how,
but I can fight back tears easily.

Laying down under the sky.
Not free, but trapped by lies.
An invisible force lies within my soul.
I want to leave,
can't let go.

Don't.
            Touch.
                           Me.
I can't feel a thing.
Nerves burnt,
feelings warped,
calloused heart that stings.
Don't.
            You.
                        Look at me.
You pierce right through.
My lies hide the hurt inside.
If you really knew.

I just happened upon love one day
as I was walking by
an old couple holding hands by the slides.
I saw them look up,
and it looked like they remembered
the times they spent together
back when they were younger.
They couldn't skip, jump or run,
but they could smile,
and in their hearts they have traveled miles.

The predicament of love
is you never know when it'll be over.
When you have to stop running,
and start heading back to the starting line again.
But those hands-
The ones held so tightly knew
the roughness of pain and sadness.
They remembered the winds that tried
to pry them apart.
But they held on.
Held on to their hands, and ran.

Pebbles thrown at me
felt like boulders weighing me down.
But eventually I picked them up
and made a path on the ground with them,
and now
little snide remarks about my
style
feelings,
and attitude
are through.

Yeah-
you left me with some ammo I can use.

I don't know how tomorrow will be,
All I know is that I'm waiting for it to come.
I don't know how tomorrow will be.
We should leave.
We should leave.
We should leave behind the seeds
that have begun to spring from the dust.

I'm not sure if we belong here,
I just know you found me.
I'm not sure if we belong here.
You should be,
I should be,
We should be away from all fears.

We can be saved from this drought-
from the spring we found-today.
Tomorrow, we can dip up our wells,
and pull far away.
Pull away, and towards something
greater than us.

We're just trapped inside,
in the middle.
A lot of nothing out of something.
We're something out of nothing.
Seeds springing from the dust.

If I kept a journal of my thoughts,
it would overflow.
I think a lot.
A lot of you,
and you steal my dreams.
You're the prettiest thief I've ever seen.

Remember watching the stars with me?
How we talked about going out to sea.
You'd learn to sail,
you promised me.
A lot of things.

I remember.
I remember everything.
All your words,
songs you like to sing.
And when you said you had favorite "little things"
you like.
You like about me.

I wouldn't say I'm a fortune teller,
but I knew just what would happen.
No words came out of your mouth.
Stapled shut.
And you're coming undone everywhere else.

When my eyes open to another cloudy morning,
I'll think about it.
You may think about me.
This is how it goes.
No words come out your mouth.
And then we're friends.
And we're friends,
and we're friends.
Then we come undone.

No one can take you away from me.
Tucked in the corner of my heart,
that's where you'll always be.
Like a precious figurine,
I polished you brand new.
Setting the idea on fire
in my imaginary world.

And the clouds whispered by,
'you'll never be the same',
while I laid in a field of dreams.
Rush over me.
Wind rush over.
Carry him away on your breeze.

But no one can take you away from me.
Trapped in the depths of my heart,
that's where you'll always be.

The angels were laughing at us.
They knew we'd never last.
Only you would.

I'm washing away with the rain,
following the parade of rainbows,
searching for him.
The one with the golden touch.

Too bad you can never have
what you've always wanted.
The powers I adored,
they're your worst enemy.
I'd like to say I miss you,
but I know that you transformed me.
You're not who I thought you'd be.

I glitter but my heart is stone.
Searching for change,
searching alone.
It's hard to be soft,
tough to be tender.
Burn 'till I melt down,
try not to remember.

I dig for treasure.
I dig for gold.
I dig for stories left untold.
I dig for passion hiding in the dark.
I dig for the meadow.
I dig for the lark.

I dig for knowledge.
I dig for truth.
I dig on paths already used.
I dig for people lacking spark.
I dig for a fire.
I dig for hearts.

I dig people.
I dig you.
You dig her,
she doesn't dig you.
She digs him,
He digs me,
and when we look up we see
past our shovels and mud,
we're all the same inside-
everyone.

We all have skin.
We all have bones.
We all have bodies.
We all have souls.
We all have livers.
We all have spleens.
We all have silence.
We all have screams.
We all have morals.
We all have lust.
And when we die,
We are all just dust.

I dig for treasure.
I dig for gold.
And I dig for dreams,
I dig for goals.
I dig not just for the future,
not just for the past.
I dig for the present.
Although it never lasts.

I dig for knowledge.
I dig for truth.
I dig for the trapped.
I dig for the abused.

I dig for you.
I dig for me.
I dig for everyone to see,
we are all just dust-
eventually.

When I was young, I loved.
How naive.
Now that I know, you shoved
tricks up your sleeve,
it's me who will leave.
Yes, I will leave.

Blank stares with your wide black eyes.
Going nowhere in disguise.
Don't talk to me,
I won't talk back.
Don't talk.
I can't take it.

When your arms stretched to hold me tight,
they were strong.
Now your branches for your limbs
have done me wrong.
But I, despite all the fears you have caused,
will climb past your thorns
to say I've won.

Your body is porcelain,
Something to be smashed,
thrown off the edge into an abyss.

I see your blank stares,
and your wide black eyes.
You’re  going nowhere in disguise.
Don’t talk to me,
I won’t talk back.
Don’t talk,
I can’t take it.

I have seen the devil in my microscope,
and I have chained him.
Locked away,
Never to be mentioned.
The spirit of man crawls inside me,
trying to get out of its cage,
to destroy me.

The fear of synchronized whispers,
slashing through the air at my words,
haunts me like a deep inferno inside my soul.

Quench my thirst.
Even if you’re full of lies, I’ll beg for more.
I’ll reach out, wave my hands in front of your face.
You reach out, showing others,
Only making a barrier that builds itself with time.

You're dead to me.
A hollow corpse smiling back at me,
through the flickering lights.
Eyes blink,
Close them tight.

You're dead like the dusty gray leaves
that withered away with time.
Or the noises in the walls
that scurried past as we slept.
Quiet,
Slow,
Dangerous, but I've found
a poison more venomous.