The whole world was you and the christmas lights above my bed

Your face lit so soft and the soft curve of your hips

As they rolled closer to mine

A morning of the freshest air I had ever tasted wrapped in your arms

That night a celebration out in front of your house

An independence day party where we made wishes on sparklers

And ran in the streets

One wish on our minds our whole lives

May our paths cross again

May they cross again my lover

May they cross again my friend

I laid down and closed my eyes.

They open.

Brown blurs of dust and memory sweep past as my mind is slowly centered.

A force pulls and I am walking.

Drifting though corridors of clutter, the scenes are ***** and familiar.

A decrepit house from memories past surrounds me and engulfs me whole.

I turn a corner and see her there.

The swirls of dust somehow do nothing to obscure her certain presence.

It is her.

It is her who I have longed for but could not have.

Drifting lazily but surely, I approach and make conversation.

As the words leave her mouth, suddenly everything is different.

The shadows focus and become definite.

The fog in my mind blots away.

As if a crystal clear presence .

Sweeps away the cobwebs from a dusky corner.

I know what I am.

I am a dream.

A dreaming entity who is merciless and invincible.

Her eyes are clearer than my own imagination could envisage and I know.

She is aware too.

A world of mind at my fingertips, a thrilled flourish runs up my spine and the only thing that occurs to me is.

'Run.'

Come my dearest, we must run.

The dream world is infinite.

But only in size, not in time.

My god I love her.

Grab my hand, we must hurry, must rush, for perhaps if this house grows so too will our essence.

My lungs, as they are only neurons, are free and wild and carry my thoughtful limbs to the reaches of my conscious.

We run and run.

Past the doorways and wallpaper imprinted with illusions and dreams blurring past me, I have never felt happier in my life.

I have the layout of the disorderly house of eclectic architecture.

Imprinted in my mind and I lead her around corners and past dark windows.

Photographic bits of floor and wall find my eyes and I take in every detail of them.

She is behind me and we are laughing and whispering and running.

We have stopped.

I have found a room with no other exits.

One door is slightly ajar but it is a nonthreatening closet with an array of fancy santas nestled within the dust.

I shut the doors.

She is in my arms and we are spinning and laughing and darting about the room much like two gleeful fish in an aquarium.

I fall on an aging and very welcoming couch.

In fits of laughter and take her down with me.

Her arms around my back, there is nothing that needs to exist any longer, not the house, not the memories.

Not the walls not even running.

In this dream it is now, it is here that I only wish to be close to her.

Our faces close the distance.

Our hands roam through the waters of conscious and over each other's skin.

Our.

It is our shared mind and shared dreams.

It is now that our souls are truly connected with each pass of the tongue and each glorified breath.

It is now that the house of memories is being weakened with each passing moment in this new situation.

We are an unstable force.

The dream is crumbling.

The edges of our world are closing in with light and the dust swirls madly.

The harsh physical plane is manifesting.

The cool shadows are melting.

I take in one breath.

And you
are torn apart
from me.

tell me when you last felt your heart grow
like it did in front of me
I saw it swell when you spoke
your words would echo like a symphony
twice I paid for bright red yarn
to patch the holes up in my heart
to leave you with a quick goodbye

sometimes the seeds blow away in the wind
sometimes your sewing doesn't stick
sometimes a frost hits the garden
and the air gets very thick

I showed you my home
picture frames and board games
you showed me your home too
light and warmth and life and I knew
I could never leave
I could never leave

Conventional wisdom states
That a heart beating is a heart alive
But some hearts beat solemnly
And drag along solemn shoes with tired feet
Although this heart may pulse it does not know where it's going
The feet not a clue it's objective
And shoes that feel no purpose
Perhaps I am a hopeless optimist
Or if you are a pessimist, I am one too
Well my eyes see no living heart
Just the steady drum
That drives the undead

Rows and rows
Brick by brick
Cubicles and doors
Everything is happening
The moon is the same moon
The sun is a shared one
Every story is different
Each room differs
By oceans
Vast interconnectedness
The walls keep us together
Appearing to keep us apart
Feelings shared
Never at the same time
Or at the same thing
Turning turning
Spinning sputtering
Smoothly now
We eternally go

I was born
To the rhythm
Of the hot July sun
Beating down on the Earth
And you must know
That I love her so
With her swimming pools
And all

But taking my soul
And holding it dear
Can only be done
By Her Majesty herself
The ever-magnificent
Queen December

Gliding in on a
Berry-red sled
And feathery gusts
Of excuses to cuddle
And the twinkling lights
Pour brightness into the eyes
Of all who admire

December, darling
Be good to me
Wrap me in the warmth
That only white landscapes,
Silent icicles,
And hot coco
Can bring

Mock what I am made of
I have deserved it
And now you are delivering
What only is right
Slicing at what I have built
Out of the slices of others
I had a high rein
But what goes up must
Be rebelled against
And must fall
And I fell hard

The never-ending branches
Of complicated things
People connected to me
Like lace fit for Satan's bride
Vain relationships
Flimsy fake friendships
I had so much pride in them
Even I wonder why
Why I had so much pride

I have nothing to be proud of
And I never have
But I know now
And I deserve it
My rein is over
Goodbye my timid subjects
I cry for the pain I caused you
But my eyes are dry
For the blows I receive
As my punishment
As I fall

Some say I'm too emotionally invested, love
Some say it's all gonna fall apart now
I know it will, yes I know

But I can't bear it, no I won't bear it
Losing you to time, darkness creeping in
Now we are happy oh yes so happy yes

Just look at us laughing look now
I know deep somewhere though, stop telling me
Tell me more jokes now, love

The dark isn't there, just disregard it please
Us two will be split soon
But it's better to ignore the inevitable

To save the pain

For later

The dark isn't all so bad

It will free you

In lightness there lies

Wretched daggers of light

Stabbing your eyes

If only light itself were porous

Soaked with the blood of our kin,

It would be

And dripping with desire  

Which glints like diamond's fire

But touch it and it will burn

Burn you like the embers wrought

Across Poe's own chamber floor

And pushed into a darkness

Light

A darkness unlike the darkness here

The sheltering, nurturing cool swirls

Of navy beauty

Rest assured here,

that nothing can harm you

Mismatched furniture welcomes another day together

The couch leans against the cracked paint on the walls

Sunlight wanders in, bounced off the gray rooftops of the flats adjacent

The sweetest coffee is dripping, eager to serve it's purpose

While indie melodies roll low like the clouds

A white kitten is perched on a small wooden table,

It is a treasure discovered at a flea market

A trolley ride got me there

It was a ship set sail to conquer the familiar

The coffee shop around one corner had paper lanterns

And another around the next just opened

And if you walk one block south

There's another there, it has the best espresso

The fog drifts in from the bay like a cool caress to the land

As I walk up the stairs to my sanctuary

White kitten purring as the clouds roll over

The clouds move with such sincerity

And the bay sparkles and starts to froth

In anticipation of the coming autumn

I set my keys down in the wooden bowl on the counter

Everything is right

You helped me though
Some awful times
Now where did you go?
What can I do?

I can't bear the fact
That you are gone
Was it just an act?
With actors, too?

You have all new friends
And I'm happy for you
But can't you just pretend
To be mine too?

I miss you more
Than I can count
I walk out the door
But I look out
And don't see you
   Like I used to

I miss those times
I miss your smile
I want to find
Your friendship once more

Through this sea
Of drowning darkness
This just can't be
My bones are sore

You aren't here
To hold me up
You had to disappear

What do
I do
Now?

Sitting on a Sunday morning
Lazy on the couch
TV on and laptop humming
I breathe the smell of bacon

Coffee mug in hand
Mocha swirls around inside
Makes me feel so warm
So alive with my heart beating

Air as fresh as the clean linens
I just crawled out of
Cold tiles are no match
For my fuzzy socks

I don’t think about my schedule
What I have to do tomorrow
Or my lengthy list of chores
Just think about this Sunday morning

Just breathe the Sunday air

crackle
goes the fire
possessed
by my ****** heart  

Flying sticky waves
Of achy-stabby sweetness
Going towards the boys
Towards the girls, to everyone

A never-ending flash
Induces a hyperactive coma
We all sleep together
With our organs jumping around inside

A complicated mix of particles
Together form waves
Just like light that comes from grandma's lamp
Soft like a kitten  

This panting babbling concourse of love  
We understand it like frogs driving cars
Races through our minds like molasses
It fills us with *****, sweet *****

Creaky withered wood abruptly freed from it's jamb
Flung inward into the cottage by violent gust
Releases a torrent of feathery flakes
That bite the skin and chill the air
Riding in on a robust and wintry gale
Hiemal gladiators stampede inward
Toward the scorching hearth
That is ablaze with a passionate fire
Crackling madly at the brumal intruders
White blistering embers fly wildly
And the tiny snow soldiers marching in bravely
Never stood a chance

I see you standing there
Eyes a vast ocean
Heart all torn
I feel a flash of heat
A wave of regret in my throat
A knife in my stomach

I see your back
Getting smaller and smaller
But I just stand
Leaving myself to bleed
Grief pours from my veins
Drains me dry
As I see you leave
As you walk away
From what we were
What went wrong?

My head fills
With lost questions
That wander the tunnels of my mind
Trying to find an answer
Trying to make sense
Of this disaster
What did I do wrong?
Why are you gone?
Did you ever love me?
But I just stand dumb and bleeding
Without a clue

I know I did something wrong
Flood of torment rushing through me
Regret making my head heavy
And my heart as dense as stone
And I know it was more than one thing
That I did to make you go

But I can't find the words to say
I'm sorry
Nothing I can say is the right thing
You cut my tongue
Right from my mouth
You cut my conscience
Right in two
But I shouldn't be blaming you

I'm sorry but
I must escape
This Earth
I am so tired
Of the horrible things here
I am going to escape
Maybe I will bring my lover
Maybe I will go
To the white sandy beaches
Of Greece
Maybe the quaint city
of San Francisco
Or maybe I will choose a place
Entirely different
And infinitely bigger
A place within my mind
I am sorry but
I must drift away now
I am going to my home
Leaving this Earth
I can take you with me
We can see the three suns
And the giant moon
And the love and peace
That grows on trees
Succulent fruit
Immaculate paradise
So far away from your world
Don't shake me awake
I beg of you please
Let me be
As I reject this reality
And substitute my own

The blows hurt so much worse

The kicks ******* so much more

The jabs bleed out profusely

And my bones become much more sore

Than if you really hurt me

With your fists and shoes and knife

But instead you hurt me with your stinging words

These words that slowly drain me of my life

These limbs reach
They stretch to the limit
Of their mortal muscles
Extend towards the gem
In the dark
Shrouded in smoke
These achy limbs are ignorant
Only guessing
As to what this gem is exactly
My head is filled with
A pulling sensation
And it pulls me to this essence
This ruby, gold, emerald.
Or knowledge, riches, companionship.
I only know
That I must have
My diamond in the rough

All the swaying bright green grass
And all the tender fruits
And every brilliant butterfly
With golden wings spotted with dew
Every single kitten's purr
And fluffy tail of squirrel
And hot, yellow summer sun
Make nature horrible.

Now, it sounds like I'm depressed
Emo, you cloud say.
But believe me, I am not
I just see things as they are.

The itchy grass gives me a rash
Fruit rots,
bringing fruit flies,
buzzing and nasty.
A single butterfly can move a single wing
And miles away,
that tiny puff of air
Turns into a hurricane,
destroying lives and homes.
And that kitten?
Well, it grows up,
it scratches you,
The cat gets into catfights,
scratched and scarred forever
In this horrible world.
And squirrels are easy prey
for viscous dogs and beasts alike
Ripping entrails
all over your porch,
****** and furry.
And that crippling sun!
It burns my very flesh!
It stings with a scarring pain.
And it doesn't stop when I leave the wrath of the blistering ball of fire,
I have this burn
For weeks and weeks,
all over my body!
What a cruel reality!
I'm staying inside.
Nature is horrible.

I love to spin and feel the ground shake

I love to spin and make everything quake

I wanna go fast, make the sky bend

I wanna ride rides like there is no end

The negative G's are too amazing

All the big bright signs are blazing

I need to feel the wind through my hair

Absolutely crazy, but I don't care

Static...

A snap.

A low and slow wuub wuub wuub

In the distance

And a faint note arising

Slowly but surely,

Turns to a chord

And then moves to make a melody

Neatly rested in the hills

Of the constant wuub wuub wuub

Then I hear a gliding crescendo...

And

The bass. It pounds. Every blast. Like bombs.

I can feel my stomach wriggle

I can feel the power through

Oh god it's empowering

Like sweet, sweet *******

Oh, feel the air

The bass. Constantly pushes. Makes waves. In the air.

It is solid around me

I feel the music

But I live for the bass

You make me happy
Your words brighten my day
When you walk my way
I can only smile

When you make a path
Across my mind  
On my face I find
A smile seeping through

I see the beam of bright sun

Coming through the cracks

Of my creaky wooden life

When you come near me

As the wind

Blows sweetly to the

Crescent moon, the

Dandelions,

Entranced sway.

Forever hold the dark

Gold that is

Hailed

In the night, not day.

Just in its cause

King of peace

Lambs may sleep, but

Many other things are astir

Not to be detected. Night is

Open to the world, but we are too

Preoccupied by blinding light, we

Question the night.

Restricting trust to something

So secure is such a shame

The night is glorious

Under the moon, wolves

Vying for the moon's sweet light,

Where peace is held.



And this peace spreads across the earth like soft

Butter on dry bread,

Cooling the air, making the land smooth and soft

Delight in the night. It's

Everywhere.

I love you more than you could ever imagine
I want to share the world with you
I want to breathe your heart that's true
I want to lock eyes lock eyes lock eyes

I love you more than the world
I want to give you all my soul
I want to make you my only goal
I want to leave you feeling numb
Whenever you touch my hand

But all I do is stand there dumb.

I tried to take the blame.
I tried to put it on me.
I tried to take away your pain.
But now all I do is grieve.

I mourn the loss of you.
I mourn the loss of my friend.
I mourn the loss of truth.
It feels like this will be the end.

Never should you think I would betray you!
Gonna break your heart?!
Give you away?!
You are so special
Up in the heavens is where you belong

Never will I let go of you
Gonna hold on for my dear life
Let go of all my pain
You help me through it all
Down is where I will never fall

Once upon a time is all I need
Because I know that all my dreams
Can soon become a reality
I don't need no fancy goals
Because I know my heart is gold
And I can do anything before I'm old

Like a river flows so surely to the sea

So sweet, so confident
So lovely and relaxing

My darling so it goes

My darling, my baby
Listen to my words

Some things are meant to be

Our love,
Our life together

So take my hand

Walk with me
To our favorite places

And take my whole life too*

Make new favorite places
Be with me forever

Because
I
can't
help
falling
in
love
with
you

I hate that I ever doubted you
I hate that for one minute
Of my whole entire life
I thought you weren't the best

I know now
That you are the best thing to ever
Ever
Happen to me

That guy
Convinced me
That he was better
That you were nothing
And I stood blind
And believed him

And I hate that I did
I hate that I ever
Ever
Doubted you

And I never
Never
Will again

I feel like dancing

Why, you ask?

Well, why not?


I like you.

So I will tell you that I like you.

Why, you ask?

Why not?


I want to go to the park and have fun like a little kid.

So I will.

Why, you so implore?

Why not?


You have this life.
Do what you want in it,
It is a blank canvas....
No... An empty vase.

It is an empty vase
In which you fill with water.

Fill it with water sweet,
Water saturated with love and peace
Love and romance
Love and happiness

Fill it with water nutritious
With solved mysteries
And questions and answers
And knowledge

Or even fill it with crazy marbles
Of orange and blue and red and purple!
Do what you want,
Make funny stories to tell the younger generations

Fill it with beautiful flowers!
Achieve goals, do things
Get an education, live your dream job
Do great things, make the flowers BLOOM!

Don't hold back.

Don't ask why.

Ask why not.

Make your vase the best it can be.

What does your bouquet look like?

Tomorrow's promise of good
Is lesser in value than
Today's definite good
I ponder
I wonder
Why would anyone ever
Think that tomorrow's shaky promise
Is better than the alluring
Wonderful
Sights to see today?

Today is good and life is good
Why don't people think that way?

I am addicted to you
I cannot get enough
When you are gone,
I get headaches
I get chills
I cant think
I cant breathe
And when you leave
I shiver
I am cold
I need your heart
I need your smile to warm me
I need your touch to keep me sane
You are my medicine
I need to pop you like pills
I need your medicine
I cant even decide
What is right
Howe do i spel?
** I am hopelessly addicted
I am hopelessly attached

I see how you are.
A stealer of hearts.
A knife in the dark.
Stabbing the smart.
After making them dumb.
With your wit and your charm.
And you say you mean no harm.

But am I really that dumb?
Will I fall for your game?
Will I take this plunge?
Will I go down again?

I will go for it.
Jump.
Into your arms.
Here have my heart.
I love your charm.

Dedicated to Jarica*

The sun would never rise
And the water would never run
And the ocean would have no tides
And the world would be no fun
If friends were never there
To keep you feeling good
My heart could simply tear
And if you weren't my friend, it would.

I walked in a golden field
I danced around in satin shoes
I was just a young girl
Then a man came along
And took my hand
Silently
Without a word
We walked for a while
And I saw where he lived
And now this man
Lives with me forever
And his name is
Reality

I feel your hand in my hand and your heart on my chest
And the only thoughts I think are thoughts of you
And I think your hugs and kisses are the best
And the words that come from my mouth are only true.

My life is so good
I've always been spoiled
Always food on the table
Always parents who love me
Always friends who adore me
Always money in my pocket
Always a smile on my face

But is it ok

To wish you had less?

To wish you had worse?

To wish to feel true happiness?

To feel a special ray of sun

When you get your favorite meal

As opposed to having your favorite meals

Every day?

I sometimes wish I had it worse.

At least I would have something to write about.

These bricks that create me
These red bricks that make myself
These bricks are crumbling
Soon they will be tumbling
I cannot stand it anymore
My concrete joints are becoming sore
My precious brick
My lovely me
The thing that held me together
Is crumbling free

A giant tree
A gnarled beast

A giver of care
A giver of home
A giver of wisdom
And food it bears

The tree, with twisted roots
And evil knots
And crazed branches
Is a beauty
And a blessing

All the kings and all the sea
Can't tear you away from me

I see, I see, a shining knight
A glimmering shield, a shining plight

A plight that says he will not leave
A plight I am happy to believe

I see him there upon the shore
But his armor he doth not bore

I walk through the cool sea mist
And upon his lips I place a kiss

You will never understand

How much you mean to me
The light that comes with your smile
The warmth of your touch
The vibrant sound of your voice
In a gray world

I cannot tell you how much your words mean to me

They lift my spirits
They give me guidance
I need them as much as food and water

I cannot even tell you how much your words mean to me

I hope these words mean just as much to you

I hope I mean just as much to you