You only say you love me when you're kissing down my body;
You only give me attention when you want something not because you need me.
We all do things for the ones that we love,
Yet some only love what we can give them.

I've been killing myself lately
and waiting on you to notice;
The ways my eyes
hold no color,
Besides the black and blues
under my eyes.
Id scream your name,
if I could,
But I bit my tongue off from
holding back on
all the words I should've said.
I carved your name in my wrists
in order to catch your attention;
But you found it
as an act of love.
I was killing myself,
waiting for you to save me,
giving you all the signs
my body could;
However, you were too busy
looking in the mirror.

You brought out the best of me
but now your no longer here
to instruct me
from my rights
and wrongs.
but everything you did felt so right;
I guess I just was blinded
by your imperfections.
I tried to tell you how much I loved you
without saying
those three forbidden words;
"I love you,"
but you were too busy
paying attention to my actions
not the meanings behind them.
I wanted to pull you into me,
the way each kissed we pulled away from
left us wanting more.
I wanted the image of me
laughing or looking genuinely happy
to burn your mind
in all of the worst ways possible.

Instead I'm the one who lives
with the feeling
of drowning in you.
Without knowing it
you pulled me into
the depths of you,
where each laugh
we shared came from.
Every night I close my eyes
I see the burning image
of your smile
and it drives me mad.
While I was trying to give you
the feeling of
dying in my arms
I lost myself
and most importantly;
you.

my life consists of a constant nightmare.
whether my state is conscious or unconscious, every part of me seems to be living in hell.
living, I am, with the feeling of being dead before actually dying.

EVER SINCE YOU LEFT ME THERE'S BEEN THIS CONSTANT  STABBING PAIN IN MY CHEST AND I'M LEFT CLUELESS OF RIDDING IT.  
I WAS TOO IN LOVE WITH YOU TO REALIZE YOUR PLACING OF KNIVES IN TO MY HEART. AS I FELL DEEPER INTO YOUR TRANS YOU INSERTED THEM FURTHER INTO THE DEPTHS OF MY HEART.
THIS PAIN WAS OBLIVIOUS TO ME UNTIL YOU LEFT, YOU ARE MY DRUG AND I HAVE AN ADDICTION.
THE ONE THING I FEEL I NEED I CAN'T HAVE.  I WOULD DO SO MANY THINGS TO GET ONE LAST TASTE OF WHAT I HAD.
NOW ALL I HAVE LEFT ARE THE BRUISES YOU LEFT DOWN MY NECK AND UPPER CHEST.  YET OVERTIME THESE MARKS WILL ABANDON MY SKIN AS IF NOTHING WAS THERE NOR EVER HAPPENED.
WHAT ONCE WAS A SENSE OF PLEASURE NOW BRINGS ME DISCOMFORT AS TO WHAT I'VE LOVED AND WHAT IV'E LOST.
I GAVE YOU MY ALL BUT THAT WAS NEVER ******* GOOD ENOUGH.
ALL I AM NOW IS A LIFELESS BODY LEFT OF BRUISES AND BATTLE WOUNDS.  THINGS FEEL AS IF THEY'LL NEVER HEAL BECAUSE YOU ARE MY CURE YET GONE.
DAY BY DAY YOU STRENGTHEN AND LIVE YOUR LIFE OBLIVIOUS THAT EACH OF THESE DAYS I BREAK AND BLEED A LITTLE MORE.
THOSE KNIVES YOU LEFT  MAINTAIN THEIR PLACE IN MY HEART AND AGGRAVATE MY WOUNDS AS TIME GOES BY.  I COULD TAKE THEM OUT AND LET MYSELF HEAL BUT ITS ALL I HAVE LEFT OF YOU AND I'VE ALREADY LOST ENOUGH.
SOMETIMES THE PAIN IS WORTH IT AND LOVING YOU WAS THE BEST PAIN I'VE EVER FELT.