My guts and the stars' guts consists of the same stuff
which means, not only am I in the universe
but the universe is in me.

Your friend asked me what my tattoo meant
And I had already had a bit to drink so
I wasn't shy when I turned around and explained.
Your eyes had me from that point on, they're amazing
You know, I was mesmerized from the start.

Sure details might be blurred but I will always remember
The way we talked about everything and nothing like
We weren't even strangers and every topic was up for grabs.
We drank and smoked, talked and drank some more until
I wanted to dance with you, I've got this love for music that
Makes me move and alcohol only makes that more intense.

We went inside and the music and bodies moving around us
Became this moment that we couldn't help but get caught up in.
Bodies swaying together against each other and I was swept away,
Lips introduced to each other and hands discovering curves and lines.
We parted that night, filled with the thrill of meeting someone new,
Like there was this idea that maybe we could get to know who we were.

The next night when we sat in the dark out on your roof,
Looking at stars and talking more about anything and everything else,
I felt myself drawn to you, not just the lean in closer and
lay my head on your shoulder kind either. Really drawn to you.
In that way that can scare somebody like me, so obviously I tried to run off.

I've got wings as you found out, it wasn't a joke when I warned I can be flighty.
I get scared easy, and confrontation makes me sick, I don't want to run but I resort to it.
But how perfect that you didn't let me get away, they call it the thrill of the chase I guess,
But through it all- every part of me is happy that I can hold your hand and smile into those
Amazing eyes. I get to kiss you in the morning and hold you at night, and
Even if we blur the details when asked about how we met, I'm glad that together
We've taken hold of that idea that we can get to know who we are.

Innocent saucer eyes open wide,
Sweet budding lavender laughter.
We’ll all go down-
One by one.
Silence aggravates the wreckage
Of what I used to be.
Into an abyss of false love
I’m falling.
A love that is mistaken,
Shown in the form of tender kisses
In detested secret places-
On a moldy couch
Covered in cat hair.
The crippling angst of your fingertips
Against my cold youthful cheeks-
Tracing the outline of my fatty jaw.
Slow circles of smoke escape your chapped crusting lips,
As chunks of flesh turn to rotting hostility
Against ones own body-
The bitterness of the cold turns to sweet comfort
As a lovely numbness becomes my regularity,
And emotions and physicality become one
Persisting to disintegrate-
my soul has become
a boiling bubble of spoiled milk
With the putrid stench of pillaged skin-
The devastating devouring desecration
of a ravaged--

I know someone who finds solace in ballet shoes
                A boy who strums his secrets to guitar strings
Someone that spends his waking moments with glazed red eyes
             As if facing this world cold turkey
                       Isn’t even an option.

For boys whose fingertips shake
                Like the burning end of a cigarette
And girls whose smiles resemble
Car crashes waiting to happen
A cacophony of shattered noises
             And those of us who feel guilty for the
                     mere act
                           Inhaling air
                        And exhaling poison
So we spend lifetimes holding our breaths

   Until we burn our lungs out trying
            To warm our hearts
            With something other than the fire
           That burns out in a smoky haze

Until our eyes become rivers,
flowing oceans
That cry out a thousand melted glaciers

Our tongues speak ruined languages
We read everything backwards
Curse in Latin
Make oaths in Russian
So whatever we say sounds beautiful.

So that our hands wont have to learn permanence,
affection
consolation.

I look to see if you’re online again
A bad habit that I should get out of
It’s been a bad day
And you’re the only one I want to talk to
Just a look to the right
Just a glimpse to see if you are there
But you still aren’t like I wish you were
I’m three degrees away from obsession
Toeing the line and getting closer to it with each passing moment
You’re like a drug to me and I can’t seem to get enough
I just want to talk to you
Because I know you can make it all better
But then you come online and I do nothing
I’m like a teenager again—waiting
Waiting to see if you will say something to me first,
To ask me how I’m doing
To see if you need me like I need you
Although I already know the truth
Or at least I think I do
So I keep quiet and watch as you come and go
You’re gone again and I feel that emptiness inside me come forth
Obsession is creeping up
I’ll push it back as long as I can
And wait for my twisted mind to go back to normal

I want to cut into me

Tear into my flesh

Pull it apart bit by bit

Separate muscle and classify anatomy

Drain blood and watch it congeal

Collect bone, and deflate lungs

Hold my heart and squeeze;feel

With only skin, eyes and brain

I want to see if where my heart was , if there is a soul

Come again into the sea
let the salt sting your eyes
and cry your tears of joy
and seaweed tangle your feet
and sand, wash away with the tide
until you are as clean as a newborn
for you are born again

let the water soften your skin
and give you little wrinkles

Dive into the depths and peer at the mysteries below
come with me, for this I know
we belong in the waters wide
and swimming far, down low
push fault and fear aside
and with the days you’ll grow

Oh, come with me to laugh and blow bubbles to the surface where they’ll pop
like little orbs of mirth all innocent and sweet
for these are the sweets of the sea

and splash in the waves and sing melodies and laugh ‘till you can’t stop
like pure sunshine in our ears, immortal in our memories
and we can pretend to be immortal until we die

and breath in the clean air
and stare at fishes fair
and the unknown creatures rare

Come again into the sea
and dive deep down,
until all you can imagine is the water
surrounding you
becoming you
cleansing you
keeping you

Come again, for I am lonely,
and the water can be cold
I need another person
a warm body to love and hold  

and stay, for I know you’ll want to go
but don’t, please don’t
many did, so long ago