you can only suffer physically to compensate for your mental health for so long

the most challenging truth that i have learned is that if you wish to love another or wish to commit to healing others, you must first heal yourself. once that is admitted, the hardest part is already over. as a good friend once told me on a cold january night — it is now all about the afterglow — where you will then see yourself in a worldly point of view rather than a singular broken soul.

they say home is where the heart is
and that is where i went wrong
because i built a home in people
and live there for far too long

long enough for the bumps and bruises
to turn to real scars and shattered hearts
mounding and melting until mine
is just mud in the rubble - real time
or reality - as most other people call it

when i was young my mother had us
clean up for company, tidy the floors
dust the shelves and find a new spot
for all of or baggage to dwell

and the company came and left
we shut the door and
were left in silence to clean up their mess
but we didn't mind
they paid their due time  

but what about now -
i think pieces of my heart were left
behind in all of the homes that i
built in other people
they were my company right?
and now im sad and feeble
from my heart only partially
existing

they say wear your heart on your sleeve
but what does that really mean
because mine was dropped and destroyed
no longer to be seen

i wonder if they noticed
when they were moving on
that the home i built for them
was certain strong --- now

the door was shut on me
in my own home i mean
how disrespectful
to hardly handle
my heart like that

shame on them and shame on me
for not tidying up, not doing the
***** laundry