Maybe when it crumbles
there will be something better underneath.
For some reason unbeknownst to me
every time I think of the future
a lion is there inside my skull
roaring all orange and tangled up
stronger than anything I've known before.
It is hidden under the building,
the cities painted with reds and blues
faded into whites.
Blood, honor, purity.
We all wonder who
built this city with a lion
underneath.

You've been waiting in my backyard for a train since last September
and I haven't gotten anything to feed you but some crackers.
Methadone makes your father stumble, but what if he didn't take it?
I've never tripped on acid or shrooms. I fell down my basement
stairs, hit one by one. Onto the concrete and I only cried because it startled me.
There is an entire forest back there with horses and movie seats
both can take you somewhere. If the train never shows, I'll go too.
Hold my hands, they're bare, and raw are my feelings for you.
Raw is the piercing in my nose, the ground outside has frozen
I'll take nearly any challenge if it means an opportunity to know him
better than I know myself. That isn't really difficult since the way I look
into my full-length mirror only shows the surface. Never every nook
or crevice of my body, you viewed all of me cold in a shack.
I know what's there because I've never faced away, never been given the chance to turn back.

Heavy breathing
lighters bought too often from a walk right down the street
and for once I don't care what this boy thinks of me.
Our bodies mesh so nicely and my mind only puts out
whatever's said in whispers I cannot bear to think about.
Squeaking bed
and sleeping has now become the norm
rather than staying up til past six in the morn-ing to hear the other's voice.
Don't care if it's my lovers voice
knowing I hadn't made the choice to
stop
let me be on top.
I've never had a lover before that one,
not once had I stayed up until the dawn
waiting for the alarm to sound
to hear a voice that could make my heart pound.
Now it's a rhythmic beat
beat
beat
and I don't feel any true warmth underneath my sheets.

My body
ached for you. I ache for you. My shoulders pop
my knee caps too.
My spine is stuck in one position,
I need your fingertips on me.
My toes are constantly in movement,
feet unstable as the sea.
My skin is full of goosebumps,
teeth are clicking just like keys,
and finally my lips quiver
because they know where they should be.
I swear I hurt the most
with you right by my side,
my words striving to open up
the inside of your mind.
My body stretches every morn
and reaches towards the sky.
I'd rather reach for you, my dear.
Brittle bones, shaking heart, voice
dies.

You make my mouth dry,
palms all sweaty and cold
my brain works quickly and I feel
quite old
when I was up in the morning
with just edges of a dream
I don't understand
can you
stitch up the seams
my blood is clear like a ghost
whispy and thin
I don't want to forget but then again
what happens if I do and you cannot
adderall, alcohol, caffeine and ***.
smoke in my room, sweat on the sheets
you are everything I was meaning to meet.

Ten milligrams of adderall, bought from the girl across the hall.
Speaking in a British accent because I'm lovely at lying,
and even better at believing it myself.
I'm from London, Liverpool,
I'm from the deepness of the cut on your leg
from those flowers that looked harmless but they
scratched
at his truck, destroyed my luck while I was high
and you were too.
The tent is my place to be with you
with my thoughts being misconstrued.
I spoke with your name coming out of my mouth
staring at the ceiling and I didn't stop
giving up.
Stepping off a curb at the wrong velocity
can hurt your ears the way we
hurt me.

I had a dream about the ocean and you
were under my bed in a lounge chair,
tongue out, care free
you said you wanted to be kissing me.
And so we did. You laughed,
not thinking about the past
your father stumbling around your kitchen
or peanut butter sandwiches. We can
do anything really, but what we will do is
stay away.
From me. I mean, stay away from you.
You're like a whirlwind and you think
you'll bring me down, too.
But if my feet are planted
firmly on the ground,
or if I'm under the earth,
a whirlwind is better than the settling of dirt.
Lift me up and slam me down
I want me feet high
high off the ground.