I'm drowning under my sheer mediocrity
My ability to confound all talent into an average work
The ambition which drives me
Lessened by the hollow sense of inadequate-ness
That seems to breathe on my neck
At every hour of the day

There must be a poison in your breathe
A spore that plants itself in my throat each time we talk
Enough to make a garden bloom- flowers that fill up my lungs and pop up through my eyes when I look at you

I urge to pluck the butterflies that crowd in my chest and set them free around your head, so maybe you'll understand the effect you have on me
I'll give you the bees that buzz through my mind when your hand brushes up against my own
And the tree trunks that settle in my legs when the distance between us once again grows

But this garden inside of me,
It overflows with a poison edge that stings through my body
Like tiny knives that grow on trees, digging in my skin, letting out a strangled cry with each time my eyes lock with yours

A flood washes away all the flowers in my eyes, and fall steadily down, hanging on my eyelashes until I am forced to recognize they've been unrooted
The butterflies drip down like hot wax, burning my throat and lungs until smoke begins to billow out of my mouth and strangle me
And the bees burrow into my brain, stinging as they go, filling my mind with barbed wire until it feels like my skull is not big enough to handle the mass suicide taking place in the furrows of my mind

I cry out in pain
I beg of you, why does it feel like the only thing left alive in me is my pain
But you're already gone
Leaving me to cut out the dead tree trunks that have settled in my legs

My sadness is a toxin
Of which I'm fully infected
It shows in the bags on my eyes
The cuts on my skin
The bruises on my face
I breathe it every day
When I skip a meal
Or skip a class
(When you think about it, there's so many things to skip in a life)
I feel it in my bones, my chest, my heart
Weighing me down; suffocating under sheer pressure
I've tried to cure myself
With conversation, medication, ******-analyzation
But the sickness prevales; it's already latched into my lungs

My sadness is a toxin
Of which I want no one else to breathe in

It's 3:45 in the morning and I can feel my heart beat rack my body
My pulse is fast and tense; no more sleep for me
It's ironic that the only time it slowed down to a sleeping rate
Was when I thought about stopping it permanently

We flourished in the rain like stars spring up in the night

All those wet kisses that the sky could never wash away

And the jackets we shared, just to keep our arms from soaking wet

The cuddled days in solitude

While we let the clouds hide us; be our fort for the hour

One day, the sun came out

Confusing us like children who never understand death when they see it

And suddenly; there’s no need for the jackets that intertwined our scents together

Or the days spent playing house under the low hanging rain

There was only a need to shed our gloomy coats and watered down love

And to stop building forts out of clouds.

I thought I was special to you
your 1 in 7 billion
And it didn't matter that the rest of the world considered me just another face
As long as you treated me like I was heaven

But it turns out I was wrong
I'm 2 in 7 billion
And you treat her just like she's heaven too.

You know I cried in class twice in the last week
And that I've frequently been wearing shirts with an unnecessary amount of sleeves
Sometimes I find it hard to realize that my problems don't envelope you like they do me
I forget that emotional sickness doesn't travel through a breath or a touch
It's so easy to forget scars when they aren't yours
Please keep me in your prayers