Sometimes I wish the words would flow as easily to my pen as the thoughts of self harm flood through my mind.

Sometimes I wish I could express how I feel, as easily as I zone out and forget the world.

Sometimes I wish I was normal..  I'm tired of feeling a little crazy

I used to lay here in the dark thinking you were the most amazing thing to walk the earth.
That nothing could could shine as bright in comparison to you.
Then there was her.
The way she laughs blew yours out the water.
The sparkle in her eyes as she talks about something she loves, it melts every ice cold segment of my heart.
The kisses she sits on the side of my check, I never thought would make my heart flutter.
She's smart and kind and that little bit older,
She's the light at the end of my dark tunnel and the reason I smile on a daily basis.
She's the love of my life and I'll never forget the feelings she's given me.
Whether she realises or not, she's the keeper of this broken stitched up heart.

Tell me what it is you want me to say
what deep dark thoughts you want to hear.
plant the feelings in my heart
penetrate my brain with the thoughts you want me to express.
because
honestly
i'm not sure i can tell you myself
sometimes,  i'm not sure what it is i even feel.