don’t get attached
because
if you think boiling water hurts  
and if you think fire burns
than you’ve never grown attached
to someone
who’s ended up whispering goodbye in your ear
without giving it a second thought
i promise you
it is going to burn more than a third degree
it will go deeper than your skin
and your bones
and you will lose track
of where it spreads in your body
and long after you’re gone
someone will find the flicker of a flame
in the midst of your ashes
and wonder
what could have possibly been
powerful enough
to ignite a fire
so long lasting

i put pen to paper
and the ink started flowing
like your name rolling off my tongue
and i began writing about you
and i wished she could talk about
the way your lips feel against mine
with the taste of alcohol and candy
but instead
i can only talk about
your big brown eyes.
the kind of eyes you could get lost into.
and i guess i did

we talked about addiction in my psychology class
and my teacher said
that you can't compare getting over love
to getting over an addiction
because you don't go through withdrawal the same way,
because you don't get cold sweats and nausea
that may be true
but i don't think he realized
that losing someone
can drive you insane and
sometimes you're left like a crumpled paper on the floor and
you can never be smooth again and
it leaves a permanent mark and
you're just so utterly alone and
so incredibly hurt and
sometimes,
even a few years later, it could be tuesday morning and the smell of your coffee brewing reminds you of saturday mornings in bed with him and
you miss him so much your hands start to shake.

i wish i could write something that touches the deepest parts of people
the way you touch the deepest parts of me.
but i will never make anyone feel the way you make me feel.
because you don’t just touch me, you wreck me.
and you fill in every blank and every crack in my heart
and when you leave
the space that remains is twice as big as it used to be
i wish i could affect someone the way you stir every emotion
and every thought in me
and i wish i was capable of forming an adequate sentence describing what you do to me
but i can’t
because i am merely a flower
and i do not know enough words to describe a garden

i’m sorry
that he did this to you,
that it happened this way,
that he made you feel like the entire world,
that he bailed on you.
i’m sorry.
but there’s nothing you and i or anyone really, can do that’ll change what happened.
you have to come to terms with the fact that it did
that things will change
that it will hurt,
but also,
that you will be okay.
you will make it through
every monday morning waking up to coffee alone,
you will make it through
every tuesday night crying yourself to sleep,
you will make it through
every thursday sunset and every friday sunrise
you will make it through
every weekend and every week day,
without him.
you were born alone, and you will be able to live alone.
you are a stronger being than what his actions have made you believe,
your vulnerability is but temporary
the way you feel at this moment is not the way you will feel in a few months.
you are not the person you were in the fall,
and as the summer approaches,
you will no longer be the person you are now.
you are your own
you are not the person he’s made you to be,
his words will no longer strike a chord,
his eyes will no longer pierce your soul,
his laugh will no longer echo in your mind.
the cells in your skin will regenerate
and you will have a body that he hasn’t even touched
and it will be yours to keep and cherish
and with time and patience
you will be the wonderfully joyous person you were made out to be.
i’m sorry
that he did this to you,
that it happened this way,
that he made you feel like the entire world,
that he bailed on you.
i’m sorry.
but you are yours before you are anyone else’s