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The stroll took place around 7.30pm
Pathway narrows off coming to its end
Tarmac river escapes to the other side - push on or go back?

Step out with trepidation, speedway of death growling
Clear head, open ear – to carry me

Uneven ground takes over the direction
Poppies swaying among tall strands of gathered grass

Almost removed from my skin
An alsatian leaps and barks – introduction or warning voice?

The undergrowth moves and cracks
Sky light continues overhead, securing me

A passer by greets me and continues on
It is strange to be acknowledged in this way

A small group of adolescents takes their turn also
I am encouraged from this monosyllabic stage of life that they would even bother

Reaching the tunnel of sounding motorway transport, it echoes
I notice homes not seen before in swift passing

Branches bathed in green, stretch out blocking
As though reaching to connect  

Pushed aside, I continue
My head freeing up
£3
£3
new slippers built up with sponge
until body weight bears down
flattening them out.  

toes pull at the lining
scraping it away from its anchor
crumpling underfoot.

cotton gradually wearing
thin under heal until bald.

they really don’t last long
but, what can you expect ….

for £3.
Apprehensive bubbles bursting
Setting up an avalanche.

Inner waves, nervous stance, awkward line
Leaning away making less of the moment.

Nostalgia inhales, shakes the smooth shell
Tap tapping at the memory box, coaxing emotion.

******* in ribbon.

A slow waltzing pulse.

A pact embeds awaiting permission.

A voice to speak it out, to tread the
Line from parted lips to hear.

The dots need joining to activate the proof
To shout it out.

The ‘a’ has begun
The ‘z’ awaits.......
I wrote my soul on a tea towel,
one I’d dried up with earlier,
the words smudged into the fabric,
absorbing my insides into the folds

Earlier it had met me, like a minder,
drying the crockery of my tears
as they ran the race of their lives,
soaking the top I’d carefully chosen

only earlier that day when a smile had
gathered pace and filled the emptiness,
completed the gaps of the worn out
in block capitals, hoping I’d notice

Who are you in the given shadows,
so unrecognisable in your black gown,
you placed the shawl over your head,
your neck gathering the undulating folds…..
a guest
invited to observe
gazing through binocular view
back row seat

a guest
front row of an audience
in partnership
through silent applause

a guest
to meet
at your request
last not least

a guest
special reserve
one week to the next
your rhyme and verse

a guest
no more as before but
red carpet floor
star studded door
Ceramic white, wood richly brown
Smooth liquid....touching buds of taste
Lips chasing chatter, slithering slogan sentences
Arm reaching, lift off, exposing the pit, selecting
Combination to the gestured shape, proposing
Enlivening, trickling conversation tripping
To my left.  A phone, pressing snugly, ear
Tuned up, alerted, filtering the microwave
Throng.  With welcome warmth, thaw began
Icy film packaging a heart temporarily beat
Free, playing, fraternising.....roulette with Russia
Your time, has dropped like sand
Amid, the hour glass
Cocooned, caressed, life’s hand,
Gathered grain, moment by moment.

Your time has left, as we stand,
Our eyes no longer glimpsing
Your sand, it shifts leaving us adrift
Drifting, needing your steadying hand
Capturing the sand

Each particle a memory, our way to
Invite and view who..... you were
And are, and yet to be; we wonder how it
Will unfurl like petals waiting to uncurl

Facing your new pathway, each petalled
Pearl dropped before your feet, leading.
Each grain renewed amid the hour glass,
Breathing

So take my hand, rake through the sand
Hold each petal within your hand
I worked my way up the charts
Made it to the top, I parked myself
Along the way, in some over zealous
Shallow right angled sentence, lacking
Full stops. Stripped clean, washed of
Thought, of deed. 'Inability' dangling
From fingertips that were bitten to the
Quick, sore from chewing on anxious..
Lyrics, repeatedly playing.  I forgot
To lift the stylus and hang it up to rest
And so it played on...and on...and on
I lost touch with its hiccup....sinking
To some far off disconnection.  If I try
To recall...it blinds me, my right eye
Out of focus with my left, seeing
The unseen; but if you asked me what
That meant...perhaps I'd sigh without
Knowledge, perhaps I'd smile with knowing
Nothingness, perhaps I'd scream with
Insufficient lungs, perhaps I'd sing an
Unknown melody....that repeats and repeats
                                                         ­                   ......its hiccup...beatless

© Laura Susan Smith
There will be a journey, a gathering of mixed herbs
Great swathes, buttressing mountains grazed with
Grassy wigs. Metal structures lining up calculating
The swing to left, to right, catching the intermittent gasps
The rhythm snakes me away, its rattling chorus marching
Ahead, spying on the quality of this paragraph sitting side by side
A vacancy on the page still wearing its white robe, alone for now
I searched out a chance at freedom on a fast track, borrowing scenes
From oiled pallets, hills & dells daubed grandiosely. They deliberately
Bait. Once bitten twice shy. I heard it bandied around.....but...
I am not shy of the wild dogs, howling is a lullaby.  I have the ticket
To be smitten with bitten chances; once, twice...maybe thrice
.....does it for me.
the cross trainer crossed me out

                                                      in favour of the

                                                               ­                   runner that I ran out on

(5/7/5/ syll count)
24th July 2012
It took a while

I was just about to shut it down, instantly
I know you’re in another realm, of sleep perhaps


Your body language apologetic curling yourself
Into the soft leather, fragile of mind

It is grim, a lake pooling in your eye, personal view looking
Through blurred angles, the years ahead for you are now, without interim

It will be temporary, the messy uncertainty
Clamouring and digesting your escape

I know you don’t single out this continuation
To rule, I don’t blame you for that

I wonder if you could step out from your inner turmoil
Use the learning chapter, working between the lines of life

The full stops to become commas... of pause
Not trying for perfection

You’ll never make it
It is ‘beautiful here'..................sitting
A place I wish I’d always been
Although, I think the time has waited

It feels good
I am sought out by life
My presence meaningful in this tangled wired mesh

I will open up to be.......... “vulnerable”
Let in and not be...... “fearful”
Invitation to share this ....
                                          “beautiful here”

A sight to be booked and seen
This place is like no other
A haven for all

I love it here and
Do not harbour its cocoon
Neither should I contain it

Allow me to pass on this sanctuary
Let it in
Seeping into your spirit

The sounds of nature adding
To this tranquillity, they
Feel it also

It is not just for me
Come in and see

It is.............
                    ‘beautiful here’
Pellets of rain pestered the cotton swagged
sky, cloudy purses grew black with scowls
coldly spelling their injustice. A chapter of
sunrays shot shamesless shards, irony perched

between chaperones; a truce maybe, rains restless
pathways of rays bleating their appeal, rooming in,
black balaclavas, rooting for blue beams,
itching bony beads of cloudy sweat, out of reach

In turn, limbs colour coated grassy spaces
tides of sun worshippers laughed out loud
their inner duets, hand in hand the sweltering
dance floor bathed them, sidling cotton clouds

Swiftly passing the sunscreen, laying back, beckoning
the sun from beneath neatly positioned cloud baubles.
Within an inch of our lives the splodges began, light
heavy, heavier, to the swell of April in full tune

Instantly the greedy green spaces groaned, ejected
sweet harmony, rolled out goodbyes, tongued stiff
breeze longing for its thirst to be quenched, and so
torrents rushed in where fools once lay

A lonely sunscreen bottle, remnant of warm
minds soaking heat, long days teasing into belief.
Yet April fooled us once more with beguiling banter,
chorused a chanting cheating lullaby of lamentation
'Be'
Just 'be'

What does that mean?
Ever roving eye
Constant brain train
Itching to move
From motionless to motion

'Be'
Just 'be'

What does that mean?
Silence the chatter
Breathe, breathe
And breathe again
Hold and count
Let go and
Breathe

'Be'
Just 'be'

What does that mean?
Find you feelings
Right in the here and now
Stay with them
And
Breathe
Feel it, hold onto it
Don't run
Breathe
Just breathe

'Be'
Just 'be'

What does that mean?
A single thought.....pause
For thought.... a moment
Open your volume called
'Choices'
Let it in and listen
Twirl it, twist it
Own your thoughts
And.....
Breathe
Out of the loop de loop into the swirl of hoopla hoop
Transfer into the oasis of illusion, awaiting the water boat
Fall over the bolder dropped from your shoulder
Rolling and gathering moss, scraping off the parasites
Bowling the ball down the aisle into the skittle alley
Knocking down those fellows who denounce you
Don't hear you, read through your eyes to the back of
Your head and beyond, into their own ace of space
Rolling around the ground belly aching their sound
Machine, mean warriors of gloom, for soon they'll fall
Short of time to relish their pleasure boat, punting along
Paddling their pedalo into the grey below, capsizing
Forlorn arms stretching out to capture, only trickery
Bickering, as you fall through the gaps and rake your ratted
Soul with grit between teeth, spit, of solemn men who
Give out black track thoughts for you to devour.....
Finality bleats, gongs the looming song....the hour, fatal shower
Shut amid the swell of boredom

Hole in the nose, sparkling adornment
Dye in the hair....a blonde invention
Image altered......still bored
Plenty to do, still bored
Not whilst doing it.....always
But the longing for a bolt hole
Registers, raising its voice to be heard
Yet boredom creeps in, mud spattered steps
Flicking dirt here and there
Clinging sometimes leaving telltale tufts
Staining....can’t wash it out or hide it away

A rash of what you want lands perfectly
Creates a broad grin in anticipation
And no sooner it’s arrived ...well boredom
Rears up grabbing the lead role
You might say ‘be careful what you wish for’
And you might be right...how come...??
Wager the odds on r and r ...v...
Over exposure in the commitment arena
You’d think it would win out
So what’s going on here?

“Boredom”
I sat with a blue emblem of bruised hollows
Voice....fractionless in the gap between words
Fresh out of rhymes caught up in a grey scenario
Sellotaped up for the time being.  Until 'They' create the story
Board.  Temporary measures, I called in its truth
Asked it to surface.  It could not; remaining submerged
Seeping into human unknowns.  I sprinkled an ounce of
Salt on the wound.  It stung like hell, in healing hibernation
The billboards flapped their curiosity, taking on the sellers
Argument. Advertising its limits, search parties calling
Out to investigate.  We sat down with disbelief, about what,
We were unsure.  Clusters of acidic thoughts back dropped
Our vantage point and poured sour silence into our sentences
The near on tragedy catered for by reapers in hooded outcomes
Sell me another box of tricks I asked, one I can enter into without
Criminalising your purchase, slinking off on a day trip of borrowed time
Linking the spotlight into the dark score
Rutting out the jagged envelopes that
Refuse to be opened, clinging onto their
Sticky tape with a passion;  Don't ask me for
Release, I'm shuttered up, swathes of emotive
Blankets worn out from their duty to keep me
Warm; to blot out the morning light from
Penetrating my skull.  Shame.....sorry self
Introduced to the firing line.  BANG....the snaked
Tongued 'Medusa' who entangles her mind
With vipers, serpents dishing out their forked
Shots of maggot infection, generating wormy
Warriors burrowing into the ruby red warmth
Chewing and bubbling neuron to neuron
Exploding at boiling point into a vast mix up
A collision on course, snapped in two, vibrating
With sheer panic, wrapped in destruction.......

Utter bilge.......built this bridge
So I'll knock it down..............
                                              ­    to start anew
And so I smile.......
Indecisive and sounding as interesting as a brick
wall, I sauntered along the brick path colliding
with my brick silent mood, causing me to falter

kicking the covers, dislodging the brick,
hour on hour in the brick dark night, eyes
feeling brick heavy, tossed, turned,

the bathroom, bricked in on four sides,
plodded in the dead of night to the beat of
heavy laden feet, tic toc as the brick swings

soil, solid bricked ground, shuttered down
solitude, walking away....a heart,. brick heavy,
awash, water swirling, brick pockets....sinking
If silence were to overwhelm in quiet noise
Noise to overwhelm in loud silence
We would.....would we?
Resume to mediocrity
Squander in and out of the
Hum drum notion
A shallow scale of beige
Quick quicksand, slow quick quick slow pace
To a death by chocolate wrapped up in a silver
Game plan of beige instructions

You told me this before signing irrelevancy into
The first line
Out of the way to straightforward
Mental monotony......you wrote

We walked waywardly
Shells scrambled underfoot
To find contrast amiss 
You didn't talk
Of wandering off course, the
Art of expression took
Our lullaby

We read the recipe for cement, cooked on
High alert
Locked one another in the eye....
beadily

Chose safely, colours of beige
Walled......wall to wall.
Behind the shadowed brickwork
She lay wet and cold
Pond **** staining her face
Skin grey as the sky
That rubs away at the truth
That pains the eye to look
Reinforcing the scowl on her life


Lies cannot steal the scene
The suddenness shows, as backs
Turn and eyes meet the ground


It will be someone’s day of disbelief
Of nails dragging at flesh
And no tomorrow of any worth


A skirt of torn fibre
A heel wrenched, displaced
Unnatural posture


Sorrow is bound to penetrate
Tugging and  
Vying for space
Your words are there, but.....
Somehow vacant

Truly melancholy is my moment
With faces like whispers, penetrating my mind

Many conversations recalled
Spilling out, many without recourse
Whose silence demands my attention

There is no choice with some
Their words already spoken, buried and gone

Hurt me with the silence ….
When there should be a song sung

To know your choice turns and misses
The waiting becomes a reality
To throw into the mix, pulling out a grain of humility

You don’t even know, perhaps this makes it worse
You burst the bubble
Chased the blossom from the trees
A worn out segment sliced from the cake of life
Raging candles burned down to nothing, wax
Parting company, blazing wick no longer cares
Hot and fiery, flames deny their existence
Forgetting the meaning of life as they fade away
Burning episode....they’d waited all their lives
For, dissolved, quick and painful, heat searing
Cake sliced open to spill its contents, only
To be munched and mulched into oesophablivion
Short and sweet, guaranteed to be swallowed
With no regard for the time and toil of preparation
Of melting moments, whisking wildly, meeting
New partners, shaking hands magnificently to
Encourage the flavours to follow through...as if
They should know who they are, what they’re for
Is life a cake or a gateau coated in whipped double
Cream?  Next to my lips the cream melts splendidly
A cake connoisseur I’m not, neither do I eat the same
Slice, mundanity slipping away with each mouthful, no
Point in rubbing salt into the wounds, cram in the
Fullness that is living, bloated out with your cake
                                                            ­         .......and eat it!
The phone sings into my life from
Its still place in the corner,
Fulfilling the role of messenger
Holding onto elation or devastation,
Chit chat or sales voice of persuasion.
A tracking device linking into our whereabouts,
Held on our person, in car or walking mode,
Connecting us with another soul.
At one time these sentences would wait,
Storing up conversation and expectancy,
Now, the turn off mode rarely used,
Its surface new alongside never ending
Chit chat from keys depressed at expert
Speed and dialogue, via shortcuts
To the english language,
Discouraging correct terminology, a dislike
To some, taught in the old school.
Shall we exercise our way back from here
I doubt we can...we never will

This never ending chit chat mode.
Opening up choice, optional outlets
Voiced sections of our minds escaped
Safety was in silence; speech impeded
Powerful penned action leaves the
Skull to crack open thought processes

Others see into their minds by way of derivation
Interaction captured, swooping into bludgeon
Spat out red remarks dissolving us, turning over
The table of plenty and offending, devaluing self regard
Talking us out of being who we are....yet leaves

Replaying the turntable of our minds
Rinsed out mouths might penetrate the circle of
Tight lips, forced shut by silent expectation
Fear and squirming ruling our fingertips, wrapping
Knuckles pressed firmly to the flesh of repression

Gold dust sprinkles the high life, cuts short the
Intrinsic pain, lends a hand in the greedy depths
Of finding a way through the webs of sarcasm
The veiling pretence is insidious in flavour
Tastes sweet to the tongue, once swallowed... too late
Meet me under the 'Clock Tower'.......’you said’ cold....
The missing sun hibernated, could not melt your denial
Your promise smudged, felt its docile absence
And I knew....gathered in moss, under the stone of lies.

Mistrust hung itself, swung above the entrance....rivalling
My happy cove.  It creaked to a heartbeat....b-bump, b-bump
Shelling out memories like peas. I recalled the very first time
I captured your eyes, the hesitation we felt......to blink and turn away

A thief stole and robbed the essence of you ......no stone
Unturned...I absorbed the waiting, dragged my heavy soles
Where is your foot print? Your imprint prescribed for my wellbeing
Two to be taken each day....preparing the cradles that rock my feet

Absurd, now I look back, that your word of promise...pretended
You named her "Constance", or was that the 'She woman'
I glimpsed you attached to last week.  When huddled
Together under your 'love' umbrella, soaked in one another
Any kind you like
Black or white
Dark or light
Individually right

Milky, frothy
Extra shot of coffee
Rich full blended
Skinny, slender
Enjoy its splendour

Chocolate coated
Caramel toasted
Full and roasted
Made to measure
For your pleasure

Espresso shocker
Latte, mocha
Cappuccino takers
Coffee makers
Based on personal tasters

Multi-million invention
Saturated intention
On every street corner
Made to order

Coffee
A little light relief from the day's journey....except now I drink tea....ironic.
Serious mechanisms burst indelibly
Shooting forth their product, packed tight
Shrink wrapping my internal appetite
Silencing the spoken word, sealed lips
Leaving no reminders of their last
Interaction; capital letters parading
Outnumbering the lower case ranks
Fighting off commas and full stops
Obliterated, deploying the erase mace
Wandering and withering til inky
Smudges pushed through wasting
Its background, depositing friction
To take ownership of the break through
She stood, amidst tutts, wore a mini skirt...
(From the first decade).  Took a
Step forward, pioneering the teenager
Long fair hair, parted mid section
Cascading over her cherry cupcakes
Remembering first impressions aren't always
Accurate, they still berated her without
Knowing her.  First appearances were all
They knew and could rely on...back then
Why would she wear a skirt so short if
Respectability meant anything, closed off
They too had been judged, time dulling
Their posture straight backed.  Space lacked
Room to be filled with meanderings of another
Era, balancing her book atop red curls and
Speckled egg skin.  Recalling the longing
Admiration of someone who dared to wear
Their inner choice on the outside
the stark oak tree stands tall and minimal
no longer bearing its leafy foliage.  

instead a lookout post for the black crows
to swagger on, circling and settling like
pirates looking out to sea.

they are motionless in their duty to stand
guard, fearless is the stance they portray.
black statues on this barren podium.

winged form alights at will and swoops
down onto cushioned green, waiting.  but wheels
on gravel disturb and concentration breaks.

flinging its feathered span it shifts leaving the
ground, heading off ……                                       and gone.

nonetheless, the stark oak waits knowingly,
for their return.
She looked over the rim of her spectacles
Wrapping me in cellophane yesterdays
I left the room, did not digest left with right
As my mind yanked my coat from the peg
Leaving tear stained finger prints on the locker door

Wedged between the garden gate a bird sat
Its wings trapped in suffocating feathers
Broken tips flapped its tomorrows into yesterday
Dreamt the belief it could fly with mother nature

Its back eyes spelt fear, with beaked entrapment
I was used to seeing the bird on a wing...soaring
I did not know its fairy tale ending....watching
I saw someone whisk it away, a bundle of cotton cloth

I wonder if it fell out with nature as I fell short
Of 'Miss' with her desire to teach the fan dango
To those that wouldn't learn.  The french parrot laughed
In my day dream, as she threw a missile on the wings
Of a near miss chalk board duster.......
Day
Day
Slumbering on and off
I must have dozed into a side street
My memory on a go slow
Having vacated the premises
Beads rolled and filled the gaps
Settling into the spaces in my head
Overflowing into folds of the pillow
Their circular bodies probing my cheeks
Pulling faces at me in disturbance
The light switch to my brain remained off
The beads multiplied, the pillow
Like a giant bead bean bag
Impacted its air bag mode
Wham....I was awake
Not knowing for a moment quite what day it was
Stolen the shawl from the shoulders of night
Slipping away with the dawn
Folding down the duvet, the new day
Stretching glossy nailed sentinels to
Rub the sleep from lashes of tell tale
Dreams that took mundanity into
Fine wine and rich red realms

Fresh out of tactics to ring in favours
The sheets depart my limbs and
Water connects skin on skin
Fluffy spurs washed away clean
Spun out of secret doors into the unknown
Shoving me, nudging me, reminding me
I’m heading to reality

Tipping my head toward the warm air
The continuing whirring of its mechanism
Vibrates my follicles and lends me in the
Direction of humanity, the peacock
Plume doused and preened into shape
I begin the trawl of closet colour
Of mood matching, of image portrayal

Set for the external clock to tick
I trust myself that wheels upon tarmac
Will hold me to my destination
Releasing me safe and sound to the
Jaws of business, its never ending
Narcissism purchasing my daily bread

Released from the bind **** of
Incongruence, sheltering under the
Safe shell of my emerging reality
It comforts my bones, grazing me with
Honesty and genuine intuition that
Hope isn’t baron or depleted
Grandeur awaits me and I am true
To my facing stare.....reflecting
Ding ****, go on


ring your bell
create a song
we’ll know so well


lyrical verse, rehearse
your way to the top
don’t stop


bing ****, go on
drum the beat
blast the heat


turn the corner


wing ****, go on
strum it, hum it
burn the tune


create a song
sing along
grab onto it
make a hit
Dropped a spanner on my toe

                Ouch...my toenail said

I need a joint to fix it

(5/7/5 syll count)
24th July 2012
It was a circle, an eclectic mix
Forthright, amid downcast eyes
Courage hard to handle
To let go, a mission impossible
Others champing at the bit to bite
The air between us.

She morphed into her words as
We all fell silent, while drowning us
In her vitriolic pursuit to be heard
Met by the challenging bull that
Rampaged the space we all couldn't fill.

..........................................................­...............

Well, some might say
At least she had courage
Wore an honest face
That matched her inner expression
What you see is what you get...
Perhaps
A crease in the socket of emotion
proposed a silent watery rhyme,
swam under the surface of your
thoughts, so as not to disturb
patterns forming, digits and dots
tapping at your side in vain edits

Caught, locked in tights cells of you,
I wound up the cotton reel, mending
the holes of doubt, and arching my
back, I purred along the wall, side stepping
sharp sabotage, where blood spurts,
cuts split their sides, dropping droplets

reddened and dark, stains of a thousand
prints, their script to prevent access.
I borrowed a moment from the street
sellers cart, persisted that I would not
sell him out, that the ground was solid
under my feet, bolt upright, proof

I sang my belief, like a bold penance,
scenes where money would cross palms
of one asking for more, a bowl held high,
armed with charming smiles. their half
beliefs studying my every transparency,
the guttural deluge swiftly passing me to

sewered excellence, tugging my heels,
entwining shoe laced lies. And how I
would fail, unable to shift the showcase
of my life. But, suckered under
the slip stream, I gargled the depths
while you made space for my spewing
90 today...you would have reached
This milestone....if it had not been your time.  

Strength to push through had ran out on you
Your 'end of days'.....your personal ordeal
Had caught up and dealt a blow to your wellbeing.

Yet you clung to life for 15 days as I watched
You fade away trying my best to give you what
You needed and keep you safe with your dignity
Intact......in your final hours .

The clinical cocoon became your home, our home
In your 'end of days', where we gathered daily  
At your bedside preventing you from being alone.

Hospital corridors became familiar acquaintances
Gelling our hands to fight the germ war
Testing out the hours to see if they would be
Kind to you and grace you with favours.

We could not change what was meant to be
But we all tried, how we tried, to rally you round
Until you took the decision.....enough was enough.

Your departure broke all ties, you paused whisking
Away your final breath and you.........stopped
Cut free and sailing toward your new destination.

One where we could not follow to hold your hand
Leading the way to ensure your safe arrival.

With the finality of your life's end
You had entered and begun the after life......

It leaves me wondering how you are
If you now know the great secret to......

Your 'end of days'.
There were so many faces
Faces recognised and known so well
It was bitter sweet; a setting for
The last look, gathered up in best
Frocks with fine hair and cloth

A head full of alcohol like a wrecking ball  
Pivotal, with eyes watching as she set
Alight her feelings, burning bright and loud

We knew and understood the intensity
But were guarded.  Young and fragile
Was her step away from this family
Raw emotion careering and spilling
Outward, her head could take no more

We took up the night, our souls leaning
Laughter setting aside reality for now
Early hours confronting us, we stayed
Awake and sat round savouring our last
Thoughts; holding on to one another

Some will never blink in time with us
Or look for us once more.  The grain
Slowly slipping into tomorrow
Through the tunnel of night

The building becomes sad in its silence
Un-trodden carpet quiet, rooms release
Their challenges replaced by emptiness
Stripped bare, waiting to meet a new voice

The finality beckons strength, stillness
Of emotion.  Calm us will you?  Stretch out
With me to face another gangway.  Throw a
New ball so I can catch and return …….
Reaching out!
Facing you, your reflection spins my vision
And I ask, but
Pupils dart with avoidance
Never fixing my gaze

Wanting you to link into me
To connect, look and meet my soul
No matter how intense or sublime
The pretence is mystifying, just know me

Wring out this beige appearance, then
Fetch the red carpet and roll it out
Wipe it clean
Stains shrinking into the pile of yesterday

Immerging free from the soundtrack of debris
Repeatedly spinning out your sorrow
I shoulder your pain and bear your shame
As you skulk and sink into oblivion
fake, see through
fake
insincerity overdose
choke it back
fake

false, feel it
false
exterior brittle
break it down
false

opinionated, hear you
opinionated
voice resonating
spit it out
opinionated

self, runs through you
self
always about you
change the tune
self

others, why don't
you see
others
spell out the word
others

know it
won’t you know it
mmmmm......what to say about this....mmmmm
Standing she rocked to one side
Destabilised pockets of the room swayed needing time to catch up

Stepping out proved challenging
Reaching forward the floor shot into view asking to be met

A shower of stillness would be welcomed right now
Would settle the angles rattling her

The floor is rough
It needs her touch to quell the sway
The door slid silently into position
Utter panic wrote its epitaph before
The air resisted, collapsing your boxed
Voice, hiccupping to a captured halt
Scrawny syllables, whithering
Slogans designed to entangle, split
Personality in tow, pushing sickening
Sentences to the back of your throat
Gagging the saliva of terror burning
Apart effortlessly. Remorse did not attend
Strangulating the heaving mass.........

The handle remained unturned, imagined
Fear felled you, trapped consciousness
Performing blackouts, dragging into a
Well of invisible discipline, conjuring
Paranoid stifling circles to spy with menace
Fading fast, blinking on hold, staring out
Slow motion heart rhythm journeyed
To cold climates leaving warmth unaccounted
For and you left on the cold cold slab
I captured a purred etiquette, loitering
in shortened heartbeats, rapping time,
it slumped to the floor, are you exhausted?
sprawled amidst shady feline secrets of
the feline kind....mind blowing, pin point
squinting, all day long as if forgotten,
finding cover, you cannot see them, they see you
while they rule the world with feline precision,
paws patrolling park benches, walls ready made
for clambering, trees stretching, introducing
sturdy bark for clawed expression, baked leaves
swaying, cooling the purring cat who waits for no one,
joining the hours like dots, stringing out a yawn
that interrupts pleasant planning, daydreams,
baring teeth making way for field fun and activity,
the day lingers, loiters, mimicking feline patience
Sipping a large glass of worry
she grasped the stem, her veins
pumped red, gargled the heady
mixture, biting into the beads
of fine burgandy, tossing her cares
to another hour, one that might
trouble her less, stalk her minus
tenacity, and then she would peep
over the rim wild eyed, head
rushing for the ceramic cool, catching
reminders, puking their prescribed lies
into the watery bowl, flushed away
Funny, how the thing you love turns sour
When its back is broken and the rug pulled
Clear, exposing hard surfaces to deal with

The staircase leads to the decision maker or
The messenger; doling out the ‘nothing personal’
You see, we’re expendable, wrecked through loyalty

It didn’t work despite extreme effort; when they
Look at us anger wells up spitting, encircling
Their heads

A glimmer of something like understanding
Scrapes their tongues, doesn’t quite meet the
Mark or hit the spot and sticks in their mouths

We knew before they did

See through

Substance missing

Finished
Eyes open, first emotion
Lose the day ahead
Stay in bed
Blotting out creation

Eyes open, first emotion
Push out of bed
Challenge all inside your head
Retain creation

Your choice
Choose it

Eyes open, first emotion
Which move do you make?
It’s yours to take
Sort it

Stop right now
Don’t lose it
Seize the turn
Prove it

With eyes wide open, first emotion
This was the very first poem I wrote....my first tentative attempt....way back.
Shifting off to the other side of the lagoon
Laying low in murky water holes, plummeting
Beneath at the merest notion of movement
Slight of hand an enemy, kept in silent nap sacks
Carried on the back of evil urgency.....

Scalp tingles at the remembrance of foul doers
Digging ditches for dead souls, whose last breath
Hurts, relieved to reach the demise beyond
Settling in dirt...earth to earth.....

Recall carries on into the dark hours, winding
Its coil tight, fighting a war in close circuit
Hearing on acute, laying back into the dimness
Sheltered shadows stab the spaces between us

Coldness is colder than recall... minus degrees on.......
                                                                                              mind control.... multiplication
Letter me your soul, marked
‘For your soul only’

So to detract others from your soul


Ribbon me your softness, marked
‘For your softness alone’

So to deter others from your softness


Voice me your silken words, uttered
‘For my ears only’

So to prevent others from your silken words


Sing to me your written love song, sung
‘For my heart alone’

So to pierce others from your love song


Love me like no other, loved
‘For me alone and only’

So to disallow others from your love
Amidst our lives many walk alongside
Some stay awhile, some choose to remain
Fragrant is the gift of someone
Who lingers over a life time
Truth and loyalty shall dance
Capturing depth and strength
Transparency fades those who
No more will face our way
Connecting souls sustains our view
Time may lapse
Will not offend or diminish
Rather, each other renewed
Exchanging words
To care, a moment given
Flourish toward another day
This is the grace of friendship
With you in mind we have sustained
Chosen to care a hope to the last
Oh friend of mine
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