It was a circle, an eclectic mix
Forthright, amid downcast eyes
Courage hard to handle
To let go, a mission impossible
Others champing at the bit to bite
The air between us.

She morphed into her words as
We all fell silent, while drowning us
In her vitriolic pursuit to be heard
Met by the challenging bull that
Rampaged the space we all couldn't fill.

..........................................................­...............

Well, some might say
At least she had courage
Wore an honest face
That matched her inner expression
What you see is what you get...
Perhaps

Opening up choice, optional outlets
Voiced sections of our minds escaped
Safety was in silence; speech impeded
Powerful penned action leaves the
Skull to crack open thought processes

Others see into their minds by way of derivation
Interaction captured, swooping into bludgeon
Spat out red remarks dissolving us, turning over
The table of plenty and offending, devaluing self regard
Talking us out of being who we are....yet leaves

Replaying the turntable of our minds
Rinsed out mouths might penetrate the circle of
Tight lips, forced shut by silent expectation
Fear and squirming ruling our fingertips, wrapping
Knuckles pressed firmly to the flesh of repression

Gold dust sprinkles the high life, cuts short the
Intrinsic pain, lends a hand in the greedy depths
Of finding a way through the webs of sarcasm
The veiling pretence is insidious in flavour
Tastes sweet to the tongue, once swallowed... too late

Your time, has dropped like sand
Amid, the hour glass
Cocooned, caressed, life’s hand,
Gathered grain, moment by moment.

Your time has left, as we stand,
Our eyes no longer glimpsing
Your sand, it shifts leaving us adrift
Drifting, needing your steadying hand
Capturing the sand

Each particle a memory, our way to
Invite and view who..... you were
And are, and yet to be; we wonder how it
Will unfurl like petals waiting to uncurl

Facing your new pathway, each petalled
Pearl dropped before your feet, leading.
Each grain renewed amid the hour glass,
Breathing

So take my hand, rake through the sand
Hold each petal within your hand

She lay wet and cold
Pond **** staining her face
Skin grey as the sky
That rubs away at the truth
That pains the eye to look
Reinforcing the scowl on her life


Lies cannot steal the scene
The suddenness shows, as backs
Turn and eyes meet the ground


It will be someone’s day of disbelief
Of nails dragging at flesh
And no tomorrow of any worth


A skirt of torn fibre
A heel wrenched, displaced
Unnatural posture


Sorrow is bound to penetrate
Tugging and  
Vying for space

It falls on deaf ears, unrequited
A love past up, spun out
But she, wrecked by one glance
From those eyes, clings to the silent
Words emanating from his lips her
Mind creates; stumbling at the pauses
Pushing reminding of untruths
Of unseen corners

He doesn’t need you, yet keeps the
Dialogue channel open, on standby
For his needs, although moved from
Your heart he still holds the key to
Unlock and release.

He doesn’t see your mouth move or
Hear those words desperately
Trying to explain
He picks your bones clean, erasing
Your dreams; the continual round of
On hold, pause and rewind, yet she
Still allows him to hold her captive in
Invisible silken thread that binds and
Gnaws

You are alone in his game and he would
Deny such talk, it does not impact his
World nor collide and jar his heart

What heart, you might say, for recently
Discovered, is captured by another
The announcement declares it so and
You are diminished; merging into the crowd
Of well wishers entangled in their applause
Snared …………….. can’t they see your pale
Complexion grazed by barbed tears.

The room becomes hazy and blurred
It’s hot and clammy in here and you
Need air; mouth opening and closing
Like a fish, gasping to quell the
Sickness of unrequited love

Stop, for just one moment
Think about your script
Cup your ear, listen, can you hear anything
Apart from your heart beating...
Your breathing

Listen once more
Do you hear the heart of another

If someone offers you a curved ball in disguise
Would you try to catch it?
Pushing your limits for all you're worth
Or let it fall to the ground
As you walk away...?

Catch your breath, cradling it in your hands
Before it's your last
It happens fast, before your
Next breath of regret...
Make it right

Swallow hard
Does it really matter if you're wrong?
To be honest with ourselves stands tall
If we push it aside where will it leave us?
Colliding into the path of no return

Late is the hour
The nights draw in to comfort
For others, well, they're left out in the cold
The turkey and tinsel a warning
Of lonliness on the horizon

I knocked on the door
Waited, yet no one answered
Pride wedges in the gut
Swelling its belly ache
Sick to the stomach

Vulnerability sat on my shoulder
Without regret, I have been honest
Torn, to reveal my truth
If I was asked, would I repeat the same
Mistake, the mistake of honesty?

YES...by no means an error

Clear is my mirror when I look into it
It can hurt like hell
But it springs pure and genuine

If you could encapsulate a precise feeling
Enlarge it, breath it in, hold it for a little
Longer....wrap you arms around it.....
                                                         ­        what would it be....?
Would it be a crystalised memory?
                                                                ­a
Photograph worn at the edges from long ago
Held touches pristinely varnished?
                                                      ­          a
Song captured mid verse? whose notes bear witness
Forever black stalks glooped in circular feet

Would it be....
                                                          ­       a
Atmospheric winged horizon, caught out as a bubble
Links the past
Yet here, what would be the exact nature of your
bubbliography?
                                                                ­ a
Winged bird, a pleasure dome, soft far off yonderings of
                                                              ­   a
Soul searcher locating peace everlasting
But...what peace?....dare I ask you...would you give up for another

Handing you choice, choose one to......
                                                        ­            hold with memories

In and out of the scrub, cold networking
Overcooked scenarios, elbowing one another
Out of line to rubber neck the continual
Replay that gets nowhere fast
Overplaying.....on and on, over and over
Push it to the far reaches, it's back
Needles stuck......hic hic hic, Remove it
Eeeeeeeeeek.......
Spinning on silent mode, scenarios upon
Scenario, double dose waiting to be heard
Too late to turn back, already done, dusted
The jelly set, the concrete dried and solid
Get out for one second....take a hike....it's back
After school...teacher dishing out lines
Repeating over and over what you dearly
Want to forget, imprinting, etching a deep
Rut; psyched up ready for battle; but there's
Nothing, noone there who wants to listen
They don't want to know, you or anything
About you....for that matter; Cuts deep
Threading back to childhood rejection
Of recent loss compounding, how little they
Care....knowing what you've been through
It cuts no ice, yet is jagged and raw through
Your flesh remaining.......hic..hic..hic..hic..hic..hic............

Pieces moved out, dropped piece
By piece; splitting off, renting space
Wherever they land, barging past
Squeezing in with the preoccupied  

Shapes moved out, old ones fought
Hard to survive their sacked history
The trick was to disregard their tight
Fit, change and feel comfortable with

Old tarpaulin moved in, tore the
Edges, wrapped around, familiar bite
Tugged frayed frail fibres, threading
Shreds splitting apart unconjoined...

Fibrous endings moved in...closer
Maybe a reef that secures, flexing its
Knuckles, voice cracking right over
Left, left over right, repairing temporarily

Letter me your soul, marked
‘For your soul only’

So to detract others from your soul


Ribbon me your softness, marked
‘For your softness alone’

So to deter others from your softness


Voice me your silken words, uttered
‘For my ears only’

So to prevent others from your silken words


Sing to me your written love song, sung
‘For my heart alone’

So to pierce others from your love song


Love me like no other, loved
‘For me alone and only’

So to disallow others from your love

Walk the mile it takes

          To reach your destination

Never looking back

(5/7/5 syll count)
16th July 2012

Row upon row, I saw them, instantly, ‘I did’,  
shuffled bodies bulged past me, they ‘did not’.
Fingers, lived to touch, light dim in part,
not here, spotlit, it said “Do not touch”,

how can I know?  Disobedient held
up in my palm, angling my hand
this way, that way. It happened then,
our grey blue pupils, like full stops, clung,

I did not know it would be a memory pocket.
A sentence in time snatched my happy face,
fear bought me. Under my skin, groping pins
pricking the base of my neck pushed into my skull.

Spun, bumping bodies smelling of beached waves,
hard gulps, sweat caught in between my fingers.
It was time to tie up loose thoughts, forget
I pushed away with speed, in a strange place,

street, shop,  where was I? Where are you?!  
By your side in safe sofas, I hand swung
down the banister, released the bolt,
safety catch hanging...and gone....

Looking... looking away
Away to connect with disconnect
Disconnect, pulling apart palms
Palms smooth as dried leaves
Leaves that crumbled in hands
Hands rough as a smooth iron
Iron as strong as our weakness
Weakness shutting us down
Down into the farthest reach
Reach, fast current slowing
Slowing the depth charge
Charge me what you will
Will or will not look, looking
Looking.... looking away

Purple box of tricks
Occupying the space, under the bed.
Mind, body and soul,
A death sentence.
Floor spattered,
Evidence revealing itself,
Another episode,
The night before.

It will do no good
Taking you captive.
A prisoner, forgetful,
With no aim, no answer,
No why or what for.
A purpose remains a mystery,
To you and I.

Corridors too cluttered for advancement
Except, more episodes.

Purple box, hurl yourself away.
Be buried, unopened to his fingers,
They no longer tap the code to your contents.

I name you “purple demon”, “tin of sin”.

Leave!

I long for the cry of a lyric in simplicity, profound, catching
my throat unexpectedly, knowing with immediacy
the feel of real honesty. Perfunctory has no mind space,
straight as a die, absent of side-lines that trip you up,

take you off balance into a whirl of wondering, when
meaning is lost in translation to the untrained eye.
Solidarity has no invitation to understand, we cannot share
freely, the highbrow world punctures their interest, the pages

gummed…..no longer turn; this high minded plethora stunts us.
Hangs off shoulders like last year’s fashion, trailing the
ground, grabbing misunderstandings so deep that it is lost to
those who are crying out for peace of mind, souls who are in

need of plain and simple food with true meaning.  Wanting
with all their might to be drawn in. Speak to them, straight tongues
without forks jammed beneath pallets, plumbs released from
mechanical jaws blocking breath to breathe and sighs to form,

not from boredom, but knee deep in wonder; at last offering
a tear, a depth, identifying with amusement, laughter. It could be
felt, this sense of clarity, like a mountain stream washed clean over
time.  Find them, find a way to burrow in to meet eyes asking for more

Unsure in thought, feelings deadened
fostered by the dark sea, the raft dithering,
words hauntingly absent, lapping up each
syllable, a sinking note, plummeting like a depth

charge, tying me down to the sea bed in unknown
shifting currents, the tide turning me over and over,
water logged and sand bagged in deep coral shifts.
I drowned a thousand letters, bit into sentences;

no one heard me. Coldness shared its chilling weight,
leaving spaces where conversation once played out,
hand crafted with laughter.  I know the embers well,
the ashes scatter, float as they dwindle and *****

I worked my way up the charts
Made it to the top, I parked myself
Along the way, in some over zealous
Shallow right angled sentence, lacking
Full stops. Stripped clean, washed of
Thought, of deed. 'Inability' dangling
From fingertips that were bitten to the
Quick, sore from chewing on anxious..
Lyrics, repeatedly playing.  I forgot
To lift the stylus and hang it up to rest
And so it played on...and on...and on
I lost touch with its hiccup....sinking
To some far off disconnection.  If I try
To recall...it blinds me, my right eye
Out of focus with my left, seeing
The unseen; but if you asked me what
That meant...perhaps I'd sigh without
Knowledge, perhaps I'd smile with knowing
Nothingness, perhaps I'd scream with
Insufficient lungs, perhaps I'd sing an
Unknown melody....that repeats and repeats
                                                         ­                   ......its hiccup...beatless

© Laura Susan Smith

cup of tea
for you and me
make a brew
for one or two

place the tea bag in the ***
pour the water boiling hot
stir it once or twice
put the lid on nice and tight

add the milk into the mugs
wait a while till liquids ready
lift the *** and pour it steady
take a spoon and circulate it

lift it up toward your lips
enjoy the perfect taste it gives
warming as it flows right through
what a way to share with you

a warm and excellent tasty brew

Brandishing a burnt out shell for a head
A wanting to swap for a basket of sweet smelling aroma

A sigh emanates, escaping its enclosure
Pushing past my lips, its emerging warm breath collides with the air

Treading water to climb the rung to clear blue
Clear solid blue without a cloud in sight to blot life’s copy book

I feel the healing from its vastness, its everlasting structure
Pushing into beyond, besides what else is there to look at

The land is dry from lack of rain and there is stillness abundant
Seeping into the world of nothing, raising no hope whatsoever

So take it or leave it, its status is strong and powerful and likes
The seat it sits upon delving you out of this into that

We both know this way will end in tragedy with petals of
Life strewn aside, trampling life into the ground

Yet we fumble for hope, a continuation
A searching for an awakening to the clear......

Blue of a sky

Walking past the window into her world
They did not see or know the content of her world

The curtains pulled back as normal
To show signs of life but, her world had changed

The raised flesh, fanned with indigo and bruised blue
Coated in salty tears pooling on her lips

Shame faced to the outside world, she did not deserve
The lash of skin to skin, knuckled edge

Dare not step away, leave the nest … there are children
Where circumstances stack high, with outlets small yet angles sharp

Words carved out from threatening lips spit at her
To waste her away, gathering down into a vacuum

Her world exists in faint margins, in small pleats of departure
Always to return raining down hard to secure her

Her world ……

Taking a stance, strong as a mountain,
would you hear me, carried on echoing
shoulders; silent are the drums of indifference,
that fall on deaf ears of invisibility

Trembling unnoticed, a tightrope vibrating
with unseen footsteps; a bird flawlessly glides
catching the drift of words on a wire,
follows its winged direction to a fuller

climate of interesting twitter and leaves
me speechless. Impressions of sound drown loudly,
parallel pronunciations of an endearing nature
cough up smarter sentences, those that are heard

on street corners fighting for listeners choosing
to pause and grant the unheard an audience
to be proud of.  I bow to their fame in that one
moment, devouring their words, sifting the debris

She turned her back, walked away
Her longing visible, reaching him
Her heart splintered, fell to the ground
With each step, piece by piece
He would have gathered them to him, his longing visible
But the face of commitment stared into his heart....
He let her go

The needing envelops, drowning him to the ground
Shards of her heart graze his skin...sharp
She fights keeping her direction, never turning
The ground becomes closer, it breaks her movement
She reaches out to steady herself, the lamp light
Shining on her tears, staining her face; half lit

It cannot pierce her dark heart
The light only to deliver the wound
Her path of pain reaches her and ….steadied
She touches sorrow, cannot bear this ache and turns
He has already seen her, moving, reaching, entwining
They are locked in their love in this moment
To last their lifetime

Her soft head
Rested....

                 'wore me out'

Merest delicacy shot through
As though irons had clung to fire
Dressed in red hot pain

Cry out, await the echo
              
     Of an unknown soul

Turn around and know their heart

(5/7/5 Syll count)
20th July 2012

'Be'
Just 'be'

What does that mean?
Ever roving eye
Constant brain train
Itching to move
From motionless to motion

'Be'
Just 'be'

What does that mean?
Silence the chatter
Breathe, breathe
And breathe again
Hold and count
Let go and
Breathe

'Be'
Just 'be'

What does that mean?
Find you feelings
Right in the here and now
Stay with them
And
Breathe
Feel it, hold onto it
Don't run
Breathe
Just breathe

'Be'
Just 'be'

What does that mean?
A single thought.....pause
For thought.... a moment
Open your volume called
'Choices'
Let it in and listen
Twirl it, twist it
Own your thoughts
And.....
Breathe

Standing she rocked to one side
Destabilised pockets of the room swayed needing time to catch up

Stepping out proved challenging
Reaching forward the floor shot into view asking to be met

A shower of stillness would be welcomed right now
Would settle the angles rattling her

The floor is rough
It needs her touch to quell the sway

Plunging under where the fracture invites
Swallowed whole
Encased in a transparent cocoon
Your.....exit under wraps

Clawing at the iced ceiling
Fighting for warmth and air
Your …..breath cutting off and closing down

The light seen
The doorway barred
And time is pulling at strings on
Your.…life under threat

Will there be more seconds in this minute for
Your….escape to take part, dodging
Your….near on silence.          

              …………………………………

Stark strands of hair float, veiling
Your….pale face
And you are motionless in white sheets of acceptance

You know that bloke who's been
Around for years, the one everybody
Sees....no one knows
The one we've all past by forever

We strolled with complacent familiarity
Couldn't tell you his name, infact nothing
About his life, loves, home, work....
Assumption that he's down and totally
Out....done for could be imminent
For all anyone cares.

Oh yes it's him again.

Oh haven't seen him for a while

Someone said....."He's still around somewhere"

Someone else said "Didn't you know he used
To be someone?"

Wasn't he always someone....?

Did you know he died?

Well actually....no
                                 did anyone?

I wrote my soul on a tea towel,
one I’d dried up with earlier,
the words smudged into the fabric,
absorbing my insides into the folds

Earlier it had met me, like a minder,
drying the crockery of my tears
as they ran the race of their lives,
soaking the top I’d carefully chosen

only earlier that day when a smile had
gathered pace and filled the emptiness,
completed the gaps of the worn out
in block capitals, hoping I’d notice

Who are you in the given shadows,
so unrecognisable in your black gown,
you placed the shawl over your head,
your neck gathering the undulating folds…..

It was your image in 'that' photo,
You.  I was blemished with shock
I knew You were ravaged,
Yet not like this.

My eyes met with 'that' photo...
I saw You.
Bones blistering your skin
Thin and parched like
The peel of an apple
Past its public life.

You, like this, was hard to take
And I looked away - 'For pity's sake'.
Have you found a bolt hole...a place to rest?
No longer fragile flesh and bone

But generous heart....sewn back together

A round black hard button pressed itself at the walls
of my stomach, churned and mixed a cocktail,
a shaking mass of temporary fight or flight. It was
not the menu I was hoping to greet this morning.

I sidled the park pathway in search of fresh air,
cramped from living with wooden emotions, without
release, not fit for sharing, let alone thinking second
by second, continually mocking like seagulls swirling

overhead spitting at the passers-by, grabbing at leftovers
in their wake. I soft footed the hard surface, heading
away from my mind, it followed; pulling punches.
The bike, quiet, sprung past, knocked at

my reverie and temporarily subjected me to the outside.
I hated that second; how it tripped me up, inviting itself.
I hadn’t asked, it hadn’t replied, it happened, I groaned
and felt the hard grind as the button pushed deeper.

The relentless gusty air clutched at my skin, spilling tears
onto my cheeks, catching at my silent lips. I did not draw
a hand up to scrub them clean, it wasn’t worth the effort,
almost daring them to be seen; for someone to look…..

help me…..

I’ll call you tomorrow,
Although you look different and,
I am uncertain
I put it off, why?...unknown to me.
My lonely skin covers me, it feels
Thin and ill fitting
Do you see I am different?
It is not intentional, it is unwise,
What can I do?
I’ll call you tomorrow,
Although you know i may not,
Probably will let it pass another day.
I know you miss me but, I am held back,
What is it?
I lay awake thinking
I’ll call you tomorrow,
I know it is vital.
Before too long I will be unable,
No choice, decision made for me.
Yet, somehow, it deceives me, in ways
I cannot grasp.
The phone stares and beckons,
You ask for little,
I give less, cannot commit.
I have no depth to give,
My page is empty.
I will try to look in your direction.
Compose a new song for us – fresh words.
I’ll call you tomorrow.
You are on my mind right now,
It is late,
I hope not too late.
I’ll call you,
Tomorrow......

Flower
Bold

Sat

Proudly
Wrapped....in
Strands

I looked up
You were gone
Traces of you

A spot appeared, under normal circumstances
I wouldn't pay it mind...I almost did not but for
the tight whispers, when secrecy staggered across my path,
I couldn't keep track and quite suddenly disappearing,

I'm left standing and staring, a blank spot, like a
dark space, a hole without a filling; foot forward
I filled the space, my feet were there before I blinked,
on the other side, unsure of the journey in between,

I felt the breath of sweat tracing my back,
flooding my insides with dread of unknown origin,
worse than the eye of a tornado, shocking me.
A split in the moment, when seconds shattered into now,

drowning time to the bottom of forever; the buzzing
in my ears drilled into me, producing a spot felt, a spot now
visible, spreading somewhere within, digging its way through skin,
through muscle, bones scattered to one side and the pace

to reach tarmac was furious, would not forgive, the spot unidentifiable, remained, navigating a way through
until reaching a dead end; wanting to turn back proved
impossible, the spot had filled, red, ****** red

The day produced uncertainty,
wet slashes, whipped wind
battered the summer sun, grey misty
breath coughed then fell silent.

Teasing, the sun sprinkled a spun layer,
found pretty pockets to blink through.
Swallowing hard the sky shook
it's blue blanket, spreading wide,

seemingly inviting the sun to sit alongside,
to reminisce; a fine day ripened,
exhaled across the ocean,
breathing in the ebb and flow.

Up high the sun towered it's flaming
glory, chanted a rhythmic rhyme of radiance.
I celebrated, hugging its splendour,
felt it warm me to my bones.

Stare your
Thoughts, dare
with pen
on paper
eyed aloud

Get out of the fast lane and .....
   Go moon walking

If we opened up and delved into
ourselves, what would we see?
A miniature mockery tight lipped,
shedding the creases of yesterday

Slip away and it will catch you, in indefinite poses, the latch key sapping, the juice subsiding, no generosity searching for you if you will

Running from respite to find peace,
a wail in a churchyard strictly rigid,
doesn't recognise my wide eyes, arriving on time deliberately stamping

Get out of the mud
And go moon walking

keep me
                  safe


on the landing of your
                                                      heart    
          

leave the light on to show the
                                                                           way