Waitressing at work today
a guy came in
**** looking, tough guy
kind of like he never grew up

but he had the cutest
shy smile
when i miscounted his change
and left me a generous tip.

I like stuff like that.
I like people like him.

I hope he liked me too.

remember the days
when it all seemed so far away
and we could drift lifelessly
into a warm haze
of blissfully amenity
and pointless laughter.
sippin' on pink lemonade,
wearing bandanas and sandals,
and daydreaming about when our lives might begin.

I woke up this morning.
At 1:00 P.M.
Feeling half rejuvenated, half guilty.
I walked to the bathroom and
looked out my favorite window.
Outside on this January afternoon,
it looked bleak and rainy.
Dark, and very still.
It made me feel something that was difficult to decipher.
I had a flashback to a day
I must have been about ten years old.
I went to the movies
WIth my sister and dad.
Finding Nemo, I believe.
On a day much like today.
And I don’t know why exactly,
but this is a very, very fond memory of mine.
And next thing I know,
on this Sunday morning,
after just waking up,
hardly having started my day,
I am feeling very nostalgic for my childhood.

I bet if I knew you,
I mean really, really knew you,
I would know that you know exactly how I feel.

In the end what I'm going to miss
isn't the relationship itself.
but the time we danced to no music on your roof....
or the time you walked me to my car
and it started snowing
and we kissed under the streetlight
and laughed at how utterly cheesy it all was.

but we both loved it.
and you loved me.
and I loved that you loved me.

An eerie, placid evening,
alone under the glare of the street light
reflecting off the glowing puddles of rain
that softly pitter-patter on my head,
and on my squeaking boots,
as a continual reminder of how alive I am.
And alone.

Reminds me of when you were here too.

Sometimes the people in my life just aren't enough.
Sometimes I wonder if anyone ever will be.

infinitely trapped by my own mind
constantly feeling isolated from those I'm closest to
while forever hanging on
to the hope of being close to those I don't even know
and all the while trying to discover exactly who I am and
where I would like to go in my life.

how about you?