Making too many adjustments, I thought this was just meant
To  be
Temporary.
Dying inside – concealing the pain with a smile
Once in a while I need to breathe…
To be free… to cry
To wonder why
I have to endure this all, no one that I can call
To console me…  who understands me!
I can’t begin
To tell you the ways I deal with this torture
This rage…
Trapped in a cage
Of loneliness
Iron bars built high on Love – or at least that once was
Now all that’s left is bitterness and regret
Hardened by memories I can’t forget
The love has rusted from mistrust
Chipped and decayed from pointless arguments
That had no value - that didn’t make sense
Broken pieces lay on the floor
Too fragile to pick up – too precious to destroy
So I sit near it on the ground not listening to a sound
Deep in thought as I stare at our broken love
That once was
My beautiful paradise instead of
The rusted remains
Of my raging cage

I’m seconds from emotionally breaking, down but I hide it well
Behind this bright smile I carry on my face, so no one can tell
I poise my voice proud and strong as steady as can be
But when it comes to my eyes, that never tell lies, I simply can’t compete

I can trick my muscles to turn upwards when I conversate face to face
But that only works if I keep my distance and avoid any personal space
I can go through the motions of my daily routine as if I didn’t have a worry in the world
But with tears in my eyes I begin to cry when I’m alone and my barriers unfurl

Underneath these layers, lay a broken heart desperately searching for love
But it’s concealed and covered up, tucked in tight, with veils of confidence above
It’s one of my greatest talents that took years to perfect and serves excellently at protecting
My heart from my fears, after all these years,
but still, it never fails,
no matter how hard I try – my eyes always seem to tell - on me

There are days I want to stay and days I want to go
Then there are days my heart hurts so bad I pace to and fro
I don’t want to eat; I toss and turn cause I can’t sleep
Wondering if you are faithful to me; I pray, I think, I weep

Sometimes my heart tells me yes, then other times it’s a definite no
You tell me I am the only one in your life, but I guess I will never know
All these questions floating through my mind – alone, no one to help me
Do I trust, do I leave, do I love, do I believe…

Fears surround what I should do – afraid of making the wrong choice
Loud emotions screaming through my mind – confused by all the noise
What happened to our “forever” – I ask through tears in a shaky voice
Friends have little advice to offer except “girl you know boys will be boys”

Been here before, seen these signs and refuse to travel this same road
“It’s different now, trust me, I have changed, I promise.” All lies that I am told
Yet the idiot inside me still believes because I’m gullible and so in love
So I accept the blame for the position I’m in, no more complaining I’ve had enough

No more waiting around for my eyes to dry from the tears I cried all night
I will pick up the pieces and mend my heart cause I am going to be alright
No more listening to lies and fake alibis saying that you had to work late
Good women like me are hard to find and for your love I can no longer wait

No more wishing I had your love or your arms around me at night
No more feeling lonely, stressed and depressed from all of our senseless fights
No more sacrificing and accepting less just to hold on to you
And despite my fears No more living here, I found a house on Park Avenue

I know my worth, I know who I am, I know I deserve to be happy
So I am leaving you to start a new life and this time I’ll focus on me
I may shed a tear for each and every year I wasted dealing with you
But with each passing day I will smile and say “I’m stronger and I will make it through”

Through the tears, through the hurt, through the lies and deceit
I will rise ‘cause no weapon shall prosper against me
Through Christ I can do all things so I’ll keep my faith steady
Knowing one day God will lead me to my handsome prince to marry

I will stand, I will heal, and even learn to love and trust again when I am ready

He will love me passionately, kiss me softly and live to see me smile
He will adore me and not ignore me all because of my **** style
Until that time, I will happily spend my time loving myself first
I am proud to say that I have moved out now because I know my own self worth

WRITTEN BY LATOYA TAYLOR

Underlying secrets hidden well within the drift currents of civil conversations
Accusations and insinuations all sensually dressed as ordinary citations
Anticipations build while I wait for you to stroll through, my double doors.
You open it wide and come inside As I beg for you to stay for more…
of your stimulating conversations mischievous contemplations
Enlarged by the sight of your muscular arms
Please don’t be alarmed!
I realize that my intentions are unprofessional and corrupt
But I can’t get enough
As I fantasize and visualize you between my thighs,
I won’t deny
these intense vibes of pleasure you send
As I’m more inclined to live in
this moment -
No excuses – just own it
As we realize our omitted restrictions
mutually hidden well within
our underlying conversations

UNSPOKEN
Unspoken words from empty promises; Gullible truths from more lies of his
Walking thin lines of faith vs. fantasy, The more I try to believe the more you hurt me
How could I be so stupid to fall for your tricks?  Time and time I listen just to regret
“Follow your mind, your logic is fool proof, You’ve heard this before he’ll just hurt you.”
“This time is different, he swears it, I feel it.  Never mind the past 7 years, I’m not giving up yet!”
I argue with myself unsure of which way to go, Is it time to give this up, if not, how do I know
Unspoken pleads to just love me unconditionally
Unspoken apologies from argument never meant to be
Unspoken feelings of pain and mistrust
Unspoken emotions and thoughts between the two of us
You ever feel trapped between what’s right and what’s wrong?  
Then someone asks the rhetorical question, “Baby what’s wrong?”  
For starters after 7 years this is not where we should be.
You know me, you know what you did, you know what the hell’s wrong with me!
Unspoken resolutions from arguments of long ago
Deep rooted pain from decisions you made that still bring me sorrow
The right thing go do is to try to forgive you and simply be happy,
The wrong is so much easier - lash out, get even and truly feel happy
But I’ll pray to God and just one more time try to make this work again
I’ll decide to forgive, close my eyes and keep these feeling of doubt, unspoken

If they ask who am I?
I’m a writer with an undying desire to experience the world with the ink from my pen
And when my hands flow gracefully across the page my imagination’s free to soar again

If they ask you about me,
don’t paint me as a drop of water forced to blend into the sea
because it has no true definition and no real identity
I’d rather that you say that I’m eccentric and strange – personality untamed
And that my curiosity often gets the best of me

LaToya Taylor  eypoeticexpressions.com

Illustrate me in bright hues of gold and paint my face purple
Make sure you give me 3 feet and 6 toes
Draw me with surprise in my eyes with my head held high
Proud and unashamed of my life’s story untold

Stain me in animation and build up the anticipation
Until the time that a masterpieces can be revealed
For now, I’m not ready so continue to create me
And when you’re done, color me creative

life is so fragile and then there’s death.
you live your life til there’s nothing left.
you never hear the call though it’s so near
now the trumpet sounds like it’s right in your ear
that can’t be for me, you say to yourself,
it has to be for someone older, someone else
I’ve barely lived my life, no warning at all
some one should’ve told me not to drive to the mall
I guess death is inevitable, no way around it.
not me, not now, I don’t deserve it.
I see the white light, where can I hide.
is it too late for me, have I already died?
my heart pounds, I feel my body jolt.
a figure’s coming out the light, there’s no more hope.
it looks like my grandmother, is she coming to get me?
from this nightmare, someone please set me free.
I need to wake up, for my kids, I have three.
I think my life is over, how can this be?
my heart pounds, my body jolts again.
please Lord, forgive me of all my sins!
I repent right now, and if you help me I vow,
To live my life for you God, the best way I know how.
I hear voices yelling, “stop Doc, it’s too late!
I know it’s hard but you can’t change his fate.”
then he walked over and next to my bed he stood.
“his life is gone, you did the best you could!”
God this is my last plea, who will teach my kids the fear of you.
when they grow up and have troubles what will they do?
the bright light faded, I was in a white room.
doctors all around me, but they gave up too soon.
my heart started back up, but at a rapid pace.
The blood on my tongue I could now start to taste.
My wife’s at the window with hope filled eyes,
Then I take a deep breath and she started to cry.
The doctors stand around looking shocked and amazed,
But the head doctor was first to snap out his daze.
Check his bp, pulse and other vitals,
Then of the saline and codeine I want three vials.
A deep voice in my ear said to me “remember your vow.
It’s because of your promise I’m letting you live now!
Teach your kids about me and help them to see.
The only way to get to heaven is truly through me.
By the way the three kids you have now will be,
Four cause your wife got pregnant on your anniversary.
He will be a devout preacher and keep people from hell
Or he’ll be the biggest gangster in and out of jail
Teach him, guide him and help him through life
Spare not the rod but praise him when right
Just remember it wasn’t the doctors who saved you tonight
It was I, the only way, the truth and the light”

Written by LaToya Taylor - eypoeticexpressions.com