I am flame that is burning out.
I am a match that you struck that you refuse to put out.
I am kindling wood dancing like the ghosts of my past in a paper house.
I am
burning
burning
burning
Inhaling the smoke but no way to breathe.
Toxic
Toxic
Toxic
I am to my mind, that there is no quell for.
I left you behind but you always seem to make yourself known within the packs of my empty cigarette cartons.

I used to believe in innocence until I lost it.
Life isn't lonely but I am alone.
I used to be in love and full of love until I cut my chest open and watched butterflies come out then turn to rust.
They say if you're burned at stake, you're a witch, but what are you supposed to do when the nonbelievers finally believe and untie the knots from your stomach but you're still burning alive on the inside?
These thoughts run deep into my brain and down my spine and I'm thinking that maybe if I pull all the content out
and throw it into the lake where all my dead friends are staying afloat, it'll sink to the bottom where my hollow body is stagnant and put out the flame.
How am I supposed to sing the words of life to your songs when I don't even know my own? How selfish.
I am trying to be the bigger man but I am burning to the ground and my time is running out.
You said "there's no such thing as dying from a broken heart."
Well the next day I proved you wrong when I turned that graveyard into a garden.
It's easier said than done when you're not the one screaming into empty jars so your voice is muffled.
At least that's what it feels like.

I am the product of two naked bodies
That no longer intertwine but are now
Only seen as broken vacant homes and empty parking lots.
I grew up in shells as big as mountains and bathed in salt water tears of grief
Hoping that my loose skin would hold tight and dehydrate
And then maybe for once I could put my thoughts aside and sleep at night.
I've been haunted my whole life except when I close my eyes and dream of you and all soft and vibrant things that relate to you.
My body is a broken vessel that I've been piecing together by other broken shipwrecks and tattered rags that I'm still learning how to use.
I'll keep on drowning because you sailed away with my heart and I was never good at swimming from the start.
The machines in my mind are getting tired of the dreams where you and I are on rocks and we intertwine with veins like naked bodies that are only seen as broken vacant homes.

Between the blades of grass I watched our field of flowers wilt.
There are no more sweaty palms or tango hearts in between our conversations.
You were like helium filling my head with empty promises as if I was a balloon trying to float away in the wind as you kept tugging the string.
Every night is a cold sweat about you. I've been dying to cut this chord wrapped around my neck but I was hoping maybe you'd **** me first.

I used to trace the veins in your arms like an old map that's been paving the way back to a vacant home where I find myself wandering back to between the hours of 2 and 4am.
In my dreams I feel the warmth of the sun hug the exposed parts of my skin. I feel the rust of the chain link fence scraping against the tips of my fingers and I catch you holding my hand as if we were those innocent kids in the park again.
Every dream starts off the same and then I start to remember where you hid all your demons in the nooks and crannies into scattered pieces of my soul.
The song we used to sing in my car plays in the background and gives me the feeling of a thousand sinking ships with a thousand helpless people begging to a God who refuses to listen to their cries.
I wake up in cold sweat with a pounding heart and remember that everything about you was just a nightmare that I never wished was real.

I saw you in deep shades of yellow and gold
now I think of suffocating smoke and dead fields of flowers
when I try to remember
your face

I looked at the broken porcelain doll beneath my feet
as my sister started to sob
and questioned why I had to throw it away
and all I could think about was you
and say
"some things aren't meant to be fixed
or last forever."