You make up my anatomy
You're the specks of color in the iris of my eyes
They remember the way your smile looked
Little microscopic pieces of you flow in my blood from when you were there before
You're the bruises I used to find in a quick glance that I didn't know were there.

Your scent is sewn in my brain and frequently makes spontaneous trips to my nose and causes me to grimace in nostalgia
But mostly pain;
You're the taste of blood in my mouth when I try to kiss someone else
You tasted that way when we last kissed.

You put your dagger in my heart when we were together and when you left
You took it with you, leaving the gaping hole that is always hurting
It's all that's left

I wish the tiny microfibers would grow and repear the tear to how it was before you
But it's too deep and still fresh even after two years,
And my antibodies aren't strong enough to rid you out of my system.

I don't want to be held by someone and secretly wish it was you
I don't want to wonder who you're giving all your rewritten compliments to
I want you gone

You said we were poison love,
you're like lava in my veins
You're the only one that can heat up my emotions and melt away every little speck of common sense I have.

We were sickening love
We were flawed in every way
But, you're everything I could ever want in a person
I love every flaw you have, even when I hate you.

Even the ones in your personality
That made me jealous and made me feel like ripping my feelings out with my bare hands
I didn't know you could hate someone as much as you loved them
until you.

I'm sorry every distorted metaphor I possess whispers your name
pathetic
I'm sorry I ever told you I loved you
I'm sorry I let you manipulate me for so long
I'm sorry I told you all my deepest secrets
I'm sorry I cared for so long when you stopped
I'm sorry I pretended to believe you still loved me;
I'm sorry I lied to you
I'm sorry I wanted to hurt you as bad as you hurt me, and I did
I'm sorry I was such a mess
I'm sorry I let my emotions get the better of me
So many times.

I'm not sorry I loved you as much as I did, and still do
I'm not sorry for all the wonderful moments we shared
I'm not sorry I tried my hardest at the time to make you happy, because I really wanted to
I'm especially not sorry
for swallowing my pride and admitting to you how I feel, even if you didn't care.


*I find myself saying '**** this' at the end of every try to write the feelings i have for you into readable literature.

My mind goes to very dangerous places
when i think of you
like deciding to have *** while someone was asleep in the other room
or walking around at 3 in the morning
and screaming because we're having so much fun in each other's presence

Writing out our inner most feelings for one another on paper and letting each other see what our insides sound like
with raw emotion

Holding on to things we were supposed to let go years ago
because repressing emotions was never easy for me
not looking up into each other's eyes when we kiss, even while we're in the middle of letting our naked bodies touch

Talking to you when i should be trying to erase your memory from my mind
thinking about how i would give anything just to be held by you again when you hugged me so tight after an absence of that long

Accidentally giving away more then you wanted to.

The day we met,
i fell in love with your eyes
and the way they were never completely open
unless you were really happy
with me

I came to love
that smirk you had
because you didn't want to show teeth,
but my god, did your smile light up the room
and my love for you

The way your hair got into your eyes
and how you used it to hide your expression
that stupid look your eyes made when i was around
made me go insane

Most of all,
i loved the way
you made me love you
without really doing anything
at all.