Random, wild, brightly colored birds
flutter in
Joyous, fun, expressive, exciting
Free.
The hectic, crazy little spirits
So full of life, chaotically entering the mix.
However
One thing always remains constant
Among this breeze of random sponteneity.
No matter how many vibrant essences mix
They eventually all leave.
The old, withering, dull tree remains
Firmly rooted in pain
Rotting from the inside.
Alone.

In some ways,
You were always someone I looked up to.
I may have been older,
But the respect I had
For your innate abilities and skills
Was unmatched.
Unparalleled.
Without equal.

We often
Interchangeably
Took the lead
Its what made our friendship special.

But now you've gone on ahead
To a place where I cannot follow.
Hiding my feelings from those closest
Its just easier than seeing the pain
Rush over their face.
For they didn't know you
So they can remain sheltered
From the eternal agony left within
That almost seems to consume
More and more of me everyday.

As opposed
To cherishing your memory,
I almost feel like I'm tarnishing it.
I could remember all the late nights,
Too short of summers,
Endless laughs,
The good times go on and on
Seemingly unending in the context.
Instead,
I lay awake,
Crying all the time
Missing what used to be.

Its been two months
since I broke apart
and my heart was pierced
by a thousand arrows.

My dear friend
writhing in emotional
and psychological torment
made a decision.

He decided
life was no longer worth living.
That the pain, sadness, sorrow
overwhelmed indefinitely.

I think of him everyday
there seems to be no end in sight
and to be honest
I'd have it no other way.

Blake was one of my best friends
and forgetting him
would be the biggest injustice
for someone who had the impact he did.

The people and the friends
that we have lost
or the dreams that have faded
should never be forgotten.

I have a theory,
that the reason "entertainment" is such a big industry
is that people want a distraction
from real life.
The proverbial escape from reality
even if it is just for a fleeting second
anything could be better
than the truth.

"YOU have a problem.
YOU have to learn to trust people.
This isn't a show all about YOU."
Me?
Nah.
Its not that trusting people is my problem.
That's not a foreign concept,
or something I have avoided my entire life,
as you accuse.
Rather,
I cannot trust myself to trust the right people.
Too many times have others not come through,
too many times have I gotten the raw deal,
that I stopped getting annoyed, frustrated, aggravated,
but disappointed.
finally it is going to be different
* this person totally will come through*
thoughts race through my head
building excitement and potential happiness
only to be pushed over a cliff of unfulfilled promises, broken dreams.
Transforming that potential happiness
into kinetic discontented and devastating pain.

"YOU have a problem."
Not from where I sit.
Just being reluctant to charisma
does not mean there is a problem with me.
Skepticism is healthy.
I would even say that skepticism is evolution,
Darwinism at its finest.
A natural reaction built by the guarded heart
to prevent any more harm.

"YOU have to learn to trust people."
Yeah, because trusting people does so many others well.
Evil is a purely human invention.
What other species do you see
almost obliterating itself,
just because they have
a different exterior shade?
read a different book spiritually?
have varying beliefs?
speak a different language?
live a different culture?

"This isn't a show all about YOU."
You're right.
As I'm just one of many that feel this way.
That have been hurt one too many times.
My story is definitely not an original,
but that does not make it any less worth hearing or special.
Domino effect.
If I spark the match that helps ignite the voices in others
that's special to me.

Why does it hurt so much,
to be happy?
Why do I have to work so hard,
for the slightest bit of satisfaction,
only to feel sadness and emptiness
creep back slowly invading every nook and cranny
in my mind?
Why can't happiness be the default feeling,
instead of the exception or a surprise?
Why is the depressive loneliness
the natural condition?
Why do I still feel alone
no matter how many people I surround myself?
Why can't I explain
its not their fault,
that I'm just unable to maintain happiness?
Why do they take it
so personally?
Why can't I just shut up,
so at least they won't worry,
won't feel bad, guilty?
Why am I
so selfish as to rob them of their potential happiness?
Why?

"Great minds think alike."
Or so they say.
I hate these expressions.
Clichés, idioms, old sayings, etc.
All these do is limit how people see the world,
trusting an all encompassing phrase.
I find it especially frustrating,
when I couldn't disagree more with them.
So while you say, "great minds think alike",
all you are doing is to justify that you have a similar opinion
as somebody else.
You know what makes great minds "great"?
They see the world differently.
The ingenuity and innovation they provide
to push humanity further and further.
Great minds think differently from everyone,
that's what makes them great.