All I have are splinters of memory
Lodged in my mind
My father was a wanderer in the halls of my heart
I can remember being small enough to hug his waist
His long jet black hair draped over me like a dead tree
Dormant and stuck
It wasn't your fault
The world forced you to grow up
Your life was a precautionary tale
A map of edges and fault lines to avoid
You walked down all the dark paths to high light the night
Choke holding the demons so I could escape
There are times where I see that I've inherited your anger and pride
It wasn't your fault
You didn't bring in the tide
The void of your absence is too heavy to frame
So I dumped it in your casket
Buried alive

Its getting easier and easier to wish you farewell
To stand on the dock and watch your boat cut through black ocean waves
The mist swallows your confused face
I wish I knew your purpose
I wish I could value your company
I want to hide from you
To find shelter in my hands and sleep
I ignore your calls until you’ve lost hope
Looking towards the clouds that cover my actions
Overcast makes it easier to not feel time
The mist swallows my desires
You stood on mountain tops and called my name
An echo that never came back
You ask for my location
All I can tell you is colors and shapes
Its not black and white
Its chess
Its waves
Its mist
Its gone

I am young and I am old
Like a play ground I will forever be immature, but everlasting
I was once a boy
It didn’t hurt my face to smile
I had no ambition to be happy
It was given to me to nurture
It was my child
Children become men
Mothers become friends
Fathers fade away like heroes
Everyone remembers the villains
I was once stranded on a bad part of town
Darkness made the hum of the street lamps comforting
Neon lights bounced off the glossy wet side walks and streets
I could hear the whispers of men and women
Speaking secretively in the shadows
How did I become so lost?
Where was my car?
Did I ever have kids?
The night surrounded my heart, my eyes could not hide
My peace walks past me with sadness in her eyes
My child, did I ever have kids?
I pick her up and hold her in my arms
Where did you go? what happened to you?
Why are you here, in this bad part of town?
She said nothing, she couldn’t hide her eyes
I could see the trail of trust that drained from her feet
It glossed the sidewalks and streets
Where did you go? How did I become so lost?
I am young and I am old
In a bad part of town
My face hurts

I hear the rumble
Clouds and electricity ride across the sky
The very storm that brought the mudslides
Is the very storm that will loosen the dirt
Not even the sand can silence the storm
Buried under filth and wrapped in root
Forgotten like a ruin and fossilized
Ive slept for seven years
I heard your voice travel through the earth
I am ready to claw my way out
With mud under my nails
With God in my finger tips
One hand reaches further in
To feel the rain seep through soil
I never dug a grave, but I never moved
I am a city
Hidden by time and harsh winds
Breaking ground in a field of white, dressed in black
Gray light fills my mouth and eyes
My first sight is your face formed in the clouds
Resurrected in a water birth
I am forgiven with rain
There is a void in the earth
Not a grave, but a womb
Head first, I scream to the sky
My chest and lungs are free
My hips escape as the holes cave in
I catch my first breath in a wet choke
The very storm that brought the mudslides
Is the very storm that will loosen the earth
Thank you
Thank you for this
This is mine

I cant see in the dark
I can’t howl with the wolves
They’ve picked up my scent
Ill light my torch and expose my path
My cold breath dances with the smoke
I’ve lit my torch
I’ve exposed my path
This is the longest night of my life
All I have is my torch and my knife
Frost seals my eyes shut
Every blink is a vision of ice
I see the low silhouettes of black fur and fangs
How could I have been so foolish?
To make this hike alone
I need another set of hands
Someone to swing the flame
This is the longest night of my life
All I have is my torch and my knife
Cold Stiff Shoves, warm blood sticks to my hand
Hot breath grips my sleeve
The cold will freeze my wounds
I will survive another night alone
Ill pile my wolves, Ill steal their warmth for the night
How could I have been so prideful  
To make this lonely hike
This is the longest night of my life
All I have is my torch and my knife
I need another set of hands
Someone to swing the flame
Someone to pile the wolves
The night is young
My life is not
A Throne is useless

The soldiers of ash race and dance
Across the shelves of all that I own
Holding reality in its disintegrating grip
Flames are the glowing ******* of the sun
I was once so cold and sterile
fire made me glow
dip me in motor oil
I don't need the windows
I can watch the channelled river of melted steel run
In the layers of your sweating eyes
Black iron horses
Forged miles away
Scalding hot bells ring and swing
Heat radiates a tune in the halls of a collapsed home
Huffing smoke
Tasting the burnt photographs and copper fumes
Waves of vibration and the cracks of fire
Ringing in my ears
The floor gives out underneath our feet
We float before we fall
Before it all comes down
I want to feel the glow on my face
The sadness of the morning will cool the rubble
Daylight kills the romance of the flames
Dawn brings us back to reality
The wind carries our remains to the sea
Reminding us we died
Here and there

My heart is a sponge
And it’s being ringed out
My heart is a sponge
And it’s drying out
My heart is a rock
And it’s being thrown around
All the rich purple and reds
Are watering down
The blood isn’t bright
The more you get in
The more comes out
I get the chills
When the white light begins to burn out
I get a fever
When the ice melts
When the cool breeze hurts
My heart is a sponge
And it’s falling apart
My heart is a rock
Sitting on the other side
Being slowly cut by the wind
By the sand
By Gods hand
A broken fingerless stub
That’s fondled the absolute worst of man
My heart is a sponge
I’d like to think I’m making a difference
But I don’t know

Hold onto this
Because it’s fleeting
Grip this by the wrist
Hold onto this
Trap this feeling
In the center of being torn apart
The shards of stars forming into other parts
It’s in your nature to label
To stress and destroy everything to become stable
To force and bend the ground to be level
You may never see it but it’s been upside down
A city trapped in a ghost town
Hold onto this feeling
Remember the purr and the tremble
The color and the bright
A black hole sits and waits
To retranslate and forget this site
Point your chin to the stars
Because what seems so far
Is breathing down your neck
The floor beneath is shifting and scheming
Ear drums bursting
Atoms are floating
Flaking away like skin cells in the light
Hold on to this
Because it’s mist
It’s chess
It’s gone

It’s all going down
Ive hitched my self worth
To a sinking ship
Married to the sea
My heart is an anchor
Pulling me underneath
Sinking deeper
The distance between the surface and now
The static of hypothermia
Burns blue to black
The dancing moon light dulls
We haven’t hit the ground
The awful shock in my heart
I dread every word from your mouth
Gulping salt water
While air bubbles rush out
I scream oxygen
I hear only the pops of cold depth
Sound becomes numb
Not being heard or deaf
A life with you is a plunge
A ship on the ground to rust
My heart breaks
Before my lungs burst

The tide rolls nearer to my toes and rolls away
My patience rolls away
I walk away unmade
Facing a wall that never speaks
The crumbs of brick scrape my forehead
The tide licks my heals
The Ocean howling while the moon grows bored
Waiting is wrath, turned backwards
The Ocean invades sand
Mud swallows the time I have to reason
To talk my way out of tomorrow
Moonlight dances on the water
demanding me to come closer, to sleep over
The tide grips my ankles, too prideful to look down
A calming cool while the Ocean licks her teeth
Too tired to scale the wall, too prideful too swim
Maybe Ill walk to the moon
Maybe Ill scale the floor  
I have no patience, but I'm willing to hold my breath
I have my pride, but I'm willing to breathe water
I look to the clouds as I feel the ocean accept my knees
I'll face a wall but I won't look to the sea
Maybe I'll close my eyes and turn around
Dive below the waves, keep my head down
travel like seaweed
I won't last long
Wrath is waiting, turned backwards