It's easier for me to be crude and ******,
then talk about the weather and how the sunlight hits your face perfectly,
your green eyes shining like grandidierite,
a rare sight,
which captivates me,
and I stare to long,
rushed breath and rosy cheeks.

How your shape silhouettes on the fresh dewed grass,
stretched towards the heavens,
as if the angels were carrying your soul back home,
back where you belong,
amongst the infinite cosmos,
dancing with the stars.

What destroys you the most?
The smoke in my lungs?
The ***** in my hair?
The alcohol in my veins?
The loveless love i perform with any pretty face that gives me a second glance?
I could tell you a million reasons why you should not love me.

I broke down that night.
I screamed the demons out that were plaguing my soul.
Forced the tears i have been holding back.
And you came to me.
I told you i was sad.
You told me you was sad, too.

How did i not notice?
Anti-depressants.
You are a better actor than i.

You embraced me and the screaming haulted.
You told me you loved me.
After i could tell you a million reasons not too.
Now i wept softly.
I wept for us both.

Like mother, like daughter.

Leave.
If you must.
I won't stop you.
I'll never beg for love.
I'll never disclose what makes me feel weak.
I'll just watch you and take note.
Which foot you put first.
If you breathe heavier than usual.
Any hesitation you may have.
Lasting regrets, unsaid sentences.
If your eyes meet mine for the last time.
The way your body moves away from sight.

And so, your scent disappears with your skin.

My ****** expression never changed.
Yet tears stream down my face without my consent.
You talked about me as if I were ill.
Maybe I am.
Maybe I am crazy and undeserving as you said.
But this time I tried so hard to be normal.
How dare you.
How did you notice?
The cold has penetrated my bones.
I feel it
I can't be saved, can I?

I purge what's left inside.
Over and over.

I'm crying for me, not for you.