there's this girl;
lets call her
katherine

katherine is sad;
katherine is sad all the time.
when katherine gets sad
it hurts
and when it hurts,
it hurts a lot

katherine wants the pain
to stop.

katherine has scars.

i fall asleep
with plans to change the world

i wake up
wondering why it didn't end in my sleep

palm to palm
let's sway;
dance my doubts
away

nothing short
of feigned hope,
we shuffle
in kaleidoscope

but we moved as if
we knew traits of love
no timidity for the below
or above

i am a star;
a dead star
so out of this world

you, on earth
soul still intact
untouched by realities,
look up

the light you see
is a lie

for reality is,
i am dead

so i considered, pictured
every person who i thought
might take the time
to listen

to let me vent
and cry
and scream
until it stopped hurting

my album
remained empty

i'm alone

i wish to fall into
the deepest sleep possible
& not wake up until
happiness exists again

i'm so tired of pretending
to be this perpetually euphoric
teenage girl

that's all

come
we watch eachother's
vermilion beads surface
and remain mesmerised
in eachother's company

you'll whisper
i'll stare
we'll clean up
and you'll show me
you love me

but love, when i awake
they'll be a note
and i'll cry and reopen
last nights wounds

i told her i self-harm
by writing
'i cut myself'
in the middle of her homework diary

well, ****

but i want to be the drugs
he consumes to remind
himself he's alive

i want to replace
his daily blunt;
make the day worth remembering

oh, i wish to stroke his scars;
the way he wished
she would

i want to show him
my wrists
and have him read,
like brail
what this planet of hostility
has carved into my skin
too

today i tried to say goodbye
to the world
and the hate she posses

took one last glance
at the scars which rested
where the time should

kissed one last boy;
hoped he'd tell me he loved me
this time

gave one last ****
before i had no more
to give

today wasn't my last day
and now i am numb

fingers spread across
the keyboard; hesitation
i can't find the words
because i don't know the feelings

these crimson beads,
lines which contradict themselves
in the beauty they posses

dry my wrist
and wipe my tears, love
because i have no one