Mommy I see your smile, you're beautiful
Mommy when can I feel your hugs
Mommy when can I hold your hand. .
And tug
Mommy..

Then the room goes dark
Pain bites me like a shark
And the thoughts overwhelming
I remember peeing on the stick and seeing that faint positive sign
Your dad wasn't too kind but you were going to be mine
Then the blood started and it had no end
Your life hadn't even started and it came to an end
Mommy I met my sibling and my cousin Izzy
They tell me that you miss us that you miss me
Izzy is taking care of us like you asked her to
Mommy I really want to come down and be with you
Months go by and I end it with your father
Lord knows if your were going to be my son or my daughter
At the end I fell to my knees
Asking God  why me .. please .. please
Tears rolling down my face every time I'm alone
I lost it all I lost a home
I couldn't seem to think straight
Like is this what I get ? Is this my fate?

Mommy I see you cry
Mommy please just try
You can't give up mommy
One day you'll have my sister or brother in your tummy
Mommy I believe you have so much ahead of you
Mommy you're smart too
Mommy believe that you have a future
Mommy I'm learning you're a good teacher

Months go by and I found my best friend
A year later and still there's no end
Months back I had another angel
This time it hit me worse then my last
I thought the pain was in the past
I felt it this time
I felt as happy as a women who loves old wine
I felt the excitement hit me
I was finally going to be "mommy"
The test came back positive
And my body went through it and I was sensitive
Days later I bled
Went to the doctor and the result she read
"Sorry for your loss"
"Sorry for your loss"
It kept going and going
Like what is this ******* life, what am I doing
I give so much and it takes so much

Mommy I see you
I see daddy too
Mommy I arrived safely
They carry me so gently
Mommy I found Izzy and my siblings
We're safe mommy I promise
Mommy keep going .. your worries are dismissed
Mommy .. mommy.. mommy

And it fades and I wake
I hear my big sister tell me I never cared about you
That I wasn't taking care of me to care for you
How she assumed wrong .. she dared too
Assume I didn't care
**** that Wasn't fair
For her to judge like she did
It hurt so bad that my feelings I hid
I started to Think it was my fault
That I didn't do enough , that I did it nonchalant
I took it better this time
Thanks to your dad, I'm fine
I believe in so much now
I don't ask why any more or how
Because babies you are safe now
Now I lay you all to sleep I pray the Lord your souls to keep..
As I fall asleep at night
I pray you wake me when it morning light!

Wedding bells are ringing
wedding bells are ringing
As I turn around I see the man I'm marring
Walking down to the alter I see my sister and in her hands my nephew shes caring
please sit the pastor states as the man slowly slips my vial away from my face
then suddenly like a shadow casting down at him he vanishes in place
I turn to look at my friends and family and they slowly seem to fade
I start to feel the world cave
and I wake and I start to hyperventilate
something just didn't feel right
I couldn't catch anything I felt like I was late
as I stare at the calendar the year 2013
It was the end of a chapter at age 19
heart aches and sad sorrows
loving days and a painful tomorrows
The man I was going to marry the man I once loved
called me Nov.2013 to tell me he was done
That was the day my heart turned to ice
I took my chances in life like I was rolling the dice
I tried and tried to get him off my mind
but my mind and my body remembered just fine
the smell of him and the memories tumbling like dominoes
one after the other over and over
I found someone who became my late night lover
He was one call away, he was my distraction
Heartless I was, it wasn't lust nor was it love, it was just for my satisfaction
Even then his name slipped out here and there
losing the memories of him was my fear
Then the pain faded and I was healed
I ended it with my lover and suddenly the world became real
I was back and I felt new
To finally get rid of you who knew
that I could finally walk to the next chapter
with you no longer taunting my laughter
I could breath again, I no longer feel myself gasping for air
my clouded judement began to see clear
that you were just a sweet grenade in my innocent days
but you my dear was the start of my new ways
wedding bells are fading
wedding bells are fading