This was the longest waking week of my entire life.
It had its ups and downs like all things transient and brief.
But where was all the love that once there was
Replaced by deadened muffled sounds of grief.
This was the longest rising day of my longest week.
Its ups were the ecstasy of success and recognition.
Its lows were the highest form of malice – degradation
Of the soul undermining my essence
The very capacity to be me, assaulted
by wave upon wave of noise and human existence,
clouding my thoughts, mindfulness and deeds
in mists of accentuated wants and needs.
Would there have been no other way to circumnavigate
The pile of ash that was my day? No phoenix here
To be reborn, but dust and charred remains
Forsworn to wallow in its own worrisome way.
Could you imagine as much as this, for if this be,
Nothing is nothing and these things are nothings.
Do we in our fragility presume to exist?
How can we, when we do not even know our own names?

At first, they were perfect
There wasn’t a flaw
But then nothing seemed right
He didn’t sound happy
He had to want out.
That’s what the phone call was about.

Her eyelids met,
As a tear trickled down
She released the receiver,
It fell to the ground.
Holding her breath,
She pulled her knees to her chest.
Trembling, crying
“It’s all for the best”

She did it for him
She loved him so
She knew she had to let go
If he’d come back,
It would all be alright
But that seemed to be
The unreachable light

Half a year has since come and went
The loneliest months she has ever spent
There are others there
But it just isn’t the same

It’s another lonely night
Where nothing feels quite right
And all I have to turn to,
Is this teddy I’m clinging to.
A steady hum conveying bits
Of the loneliness of reality
It’s just me
And the dial tone.

Why am I putting an end to my life
Why am I thinking of dying tonight
Seventeen years
Some good, some bad

I wouldn’t give up the times I’ve had
But it used to be all for a reason
The sun
The moon
The stars
The seasons

My whole life I told myself
How for a good tomorrow
Its worth suffering now
But the tomorrow for those days
Has long since passed away

So how can I possibly believe?
That any day I will receive
There are too many people
Living for the same dream
Yes, everything is as black as it seems
Out of the blue,
My eyes start to tear
Out of nowhere,
The crying appears
Why get up each morning?
Why face the day?
When none of it matters anyway?

Committing every hour of every day
To today and tomorrows hard earned pay
Yeah. I know. That’s what life’s all about
View me as worthless.
I want out.

Eternal sleep sounds better to me
Hell?
Nothing is worse than this life could be
I don’t want to bring anyone down
I don’t have anyone to hang around

Except for him
The only motivation
But being with him means
The crime of theft
Robbery of his time
And soon his smile
Making him live his life on trial

I can’t go on
This can’t go on
Wanting to share myself with him
But battling boundaries from outward in

My body flattering inside
My emotions colliding inside
I’ve had all I could
Nothing left to give

“You can do better”
That I always hear.
Sorry, I ****** up all the way here
Letting you down with the choices I make
Sorry, your happiness I didn’t mean to take

Life
Instead, I’ll take mine
Then, all will be fine
Love’s felt most at loss
Goodbye

From the depth of sullenness
A cry is released
Screeching  with violence,
The silence is ceased

Next time the laughter
Behind the scenes,
Accomplished by whispers
Rallying between

A **** of the head
A sonorous glance
Many tears shed
No noble stance

All eyes center
They all stare
It won’t get better
She is quite aware

An orb of commotion
Molded to harm
Weighed down with emotion
Triggered the alarm

The stress was too much
She couldn’t bear no more
But she’s numb to the touch
And has closed the door

The others around
Just watch her top blow
They watched her soul wander
And didn’t help it home

Too late has already escaped
Her escape wasn’t too fast

Entangled in
Delicate strings,
The web of confusion
Has locked her in.