burn the light of fire
and wax the ears of injustice.

chide the moon
and bid ado to the reckless sun.

count the blessings of misfortunes
and wave verbs in the air--
breathing the hopeful breaths of married sandals

Label the pains of a billion rain drops and fawn the feathers
of a nightingale over the glory of failed
triumphs known as yesterday.

break the hands of a wristwatch and make a ******* of time--
for through the God in Satan was how Earth was won.

The cruel words you’re spiting at me make me wince and wonder what I’ve done wrong. Like poison it sinks into my veins, burning and decomposing as it goes. My tears start to fall like rain, you start up again, word harsh words coming. Ugly, useless, fat, stupid. They whip me as they sling out of your mouth. You’re finally done and you yell at me to get out of your sight. I let my leaded feet take me to my barren room. Nothing significant, just white. Like an insane asylum cell. I grab my blanket off the floor and wrap myself in it and just let the tears flow. I curl up, screaming my heart out. It all goes blank. Just lying there, Quiet, finally I open my eyes and look at the door and slowly walk to my bathroom, I turn on the hot water. I limply shed each article of clothing and walk sluggishly to the awaiting bath tub. I fall into it and just sit. Thinking of everything that has happened. I stare down at the secluded razor at the corner of my tub. I gaze at it longingly and then grab it. I tare in to the skin of my left arm. I watch as the blood flows freely. I laugh at the thought of you finding my lifeless body.

Rock-a-Bye-baby, in the tree top
When the wind blows, the cradle will rock
They left you hanging there,
Safe, they thought.
The sun-seasoned breeze rocked you
Too-and-fro, too-and-fro.

And who could say that you were any less than innocent?
Twenty fruits in six sturdy trees,
If any one of them falls
Does it make
A sound?

It ripples whole oceans,
Storms blown all over America by the Big Bad Wolf,
We thought his breath
Could do little more than rustle the leaves.

Little did we know he would blow
Not-yet-ripe fruits to the ground.
When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall
Down will come baby, cradle and all.

You seem to think it all just bounces off
Your faded-plaid-flannel armor
Like the smoke from the fresh-rolled joint between your fingers bounces of the mirror
-you know, the one that told you just this morning not to eat today-
But that smoke stains the glass as it floats in double vision back to hit you again,
And again,
And again.

And that mirror doesn't seem to see you through my eyes
-or anyone else's for that matter-
You are somebody
You are strong
And there is more light in your life than just the embers fluttering down into your lap
But you just don't see it, do you?
Your eyes, two pills, staring at the world through the bottom of a glass,
Washing them down with alcohol so that you can't see the world anymore
But thats not the life you want,
Is it?

So the world stops like raindrops on a wind shield,
Trickles down into restless dreams flung away into the street,
All so you can see a rainbow that you don't think will ever come for real
-everything's rainbow in your head-
Because that mirror lied to you
And those pills will only **** you
And you rolled your whole world up and smoked it
In a fit of  pain, you disregard tomorrow,
Too tangled up in your fantasies because

Puff the magic dragon lost control and set your world on fire
Hona-lee up in flames, but you're safe-
Your feet don't ever touch the ground
Your paint is wasted on your canvass mirror,
Creating what you think you are:
Your eyes, two pills, staring at the world through the bottom of a glass
Washing them down with alcohol so that you can't see the world anymore

But are you alive?

Swelling and drowning

I feel it coming on again

I can’t stop it anymore and it’s swallowing me whole

I let it take

                  me

                          away

because it’s so much easier to drift than fight to stay.

I slowly recover, head pounding from the aftermath

But not for long

Thinking kills

Realization hurts

Breathing becomes jagged

I can’t stop it and I let it stir me, wind me, push me, kick me, hit me, punch me

I give in

Because it’s so much easier to walk around feeling dead than pray for a heartbeat.

It hurts

It hurts

It hurts

It hurts

It hurts

It hurts

It hurts

It hurts

And I don’t even know why but I let it

I ignore the hectic and frantic screams rumbling from inside me

I ignore it all because it’s so much easier than to put the effort in and listen

I just want to fly away and be the bird

Sing my song in the morning and fly away and drift off whenever it hurts

Because it hurts

It hurts

It hurts

It hurts

But I can’t and I’m stuck

Forever dwindling between the scale ranging from hurt to happiness

Falling short of okay most days

But you mask it with a painted smile and go on

Even though it hurts

It hurts

It hurts

It hurts

It hurts

And I don’t have a right to feel it

But I do

And it won’t go away

I ignore it but I’m not who I was

It’s not that easy anymore

And I hate myself for letting it get to this

Because now it hurts

When it should feel numb

When I was able to feel numb

It hurts

It hurts

It hurts

It hurts

It hurts