I am the leaves
on the streets you walk on
The unexpected shadows
I'm the scrap of paper
upon which you absentmindedly scribble dark things
I'm the bird in the trees
you always hear but never see
I'm a daisy, or a clover
in a garden of huge sunflowers and roses and oak trees
Or the bottles you keep hidden in your room
I am the sunbeam you feel
but you can't turn around to look at because the room is too small
I'm the hole in the curtain
I'm the notebook
you forgot about long ago
I'm the fish in the murky pond
-you can see the ripples and waves but you can't see me
I am bits and pieces
Here and there, now and then
I'm a mustering hum,
picking up, growing
Gathering momentum

In life there are barriers
That cannot be broken

There are oceans
That cannot be crossed

There are envelopes
Doomed to remain forever unsealed
With letters doomed to remain forever unsent, unread

There are mountains
That cannot be climbed

There are secrets
That will themselves to remain forever unspoken

There are stars
That cannot be reached

These are just some of the many things
One has to admit in order to become Adult

It's 3 o'clock
And so begins
My perilous descent into the underworld
I'm slipping into
The abyss and
Nothing
Can stop me
And nothing
Is trying to stop me

The witching hour stallions
Race through me, charging like a battalion
And trampling my heart
Tearing my every heed apart

The fury of a fiendish demon possesses me
My soul takes its flight from my body
My thoughts are shaky, my dreams are gaudy
I am convulsed and feverish with frigid melancholy
I know myself no longer.

Something malevolent is hanging above the bed
My heart is hollowed lead
A cargo ship for unwelcome stowaway thoughts
My brain is black and reeling
And tangled with a thousand knots
As my hands ***** the obscurity and reach for the ceiling

Day is so far away, I can't feel sunrise advance
I'm trapped in this horrid trance
My soul is reeling, wretched and lost
Forced to think the most unspeakable things
The panic and despair that each new night brings

I've had so many nightmares, but who's counting?
It's back again, I'm drowning
In a turbulent, sinister sea of terror
Fear is the message, I am the bearer
Like great black birds, the demons haunt my room
I'm choking on all these acrid, bitter fumes

My lids flutter like feathers of a pheasant
I can feel the pain so sharp and omnipresent
Like slaps given by a hand of black steel
**** it, Satan works with incredible zeal
Stinging, burning like a devilish eel I long to repulse
I can feel my wrists throb and my stomach pulse
With the beating of this hideous heart
I can feel my spirit depart
My nerves thrill like throbbing violins
Laden with angst, jealousy and sins

Deep into that darkness I am peering
Wondering things no mortal ever dared to wonder before
I wish I was disappearing
I am breathing an atmosphere of sorrow
And I know the remnants won't subside tomorrow

There is a murderous monster deep within me
That nothing can soothe
There is a hungry well
That nothing can fill

I open my battered notebook
I break my pen
And crumple the pages of inadequate words

I choke and listen to this light-forsaken chamber
And see a tocsin of silence, like a wicked stranger
Loneliness strikes me like a blow
Oh night agony, panic attacks, endless woe!
This pain so deep and unbearable,
These visions so raw and terrible

In these linen sheets I feel
Apprehension, slick, electric like an eel
The mortal coldness of the soul
As life takes its morbid toll
It takes in not only the body
But weaves between heart and soul a fabric so shoddy,
The somber cloth of misery

I don't want to grow old
To feel my memories fade and get cold
To feel my thoughts overridden with mold
To carry life on, which like a heavy chain
Drags behind with many links of pain
I want to end it all here, now
I can't and I won't
But I wonder how I'll survive from dusk to dawn

Day has opened its golden lids
To the light that night forbids
I've had my sip from the death cup
I wake up
With remnants of hell's dark lands
Sunken eyes and twisted hands
The witching hours are swept away like ashes
But it'll all come back in flashes
Tomorrow night, and every night
Horrors will always come back to haunt me
Between the shadow and the sheets
The endless phantasms, these endless defeats
There is no relief.

We
Have become drunken beasts
This
Is all I ever dreamed about
And the kids
Out the
Window.
I've always felt so
- out the window.
I'm a stranger
Looking in.
Rip Curl Pro Search
I'm a stranger
Looking into the store's window.
What is this store selling ?
****. *****. Love?
If he was here I think
You could draw
A circle around us
That could go on
Forever
And forever
This square -
It's transient
So ******* transient
I can feel it burning.
This is all I ever dreamed of
Fingers intertwined
And laughing
I'm easy easy easy
You're
Insane.
You're ******* wild
& scared. It's OK.
So am I.
Your eyes - They're beautiful.
Like a wild animal peering
Out of a burning forest
You're
Insane.
I want to know
How this all connects
How does all of this
Connect
To my identity.
I am drunk.
I am this memory
And that memory
And memories of you
& me
And it's all raining
Down on the bums & drunkards
On the outcasts & wanderers.
On the pigeon
Who lay dead
In the pummeling rain.
It's all ******* out the window.
There is no truth, no nothing.
I'd rather stay
In the circle with you

Rio
Is wondering
About the point of life
& I want to say
******* it kid
Dont you see.
There's no point in life.
All of this
The kisses & promises and jobs,
They lead to
Nothing.
It all
Leads to nothing.
And all those people
Seeking the "meaning of life".
They are empty & vacuous
And to seek
The meaning of life
Is like looking for sparrows
In a murky swamp.
No matter how much you look
No matter how much you shift,
You will find nothing
At all.
The Kids
Over there
Are sitting in the warm night's
Semicircle.
Encased by soft smoke
Making
It
All
Eternal.

Si vous croyez haha
Que c'est marrant, mignon
D'être jeune et vif, detrompez-vous detrompez-vous
Si vous pensez que la jeunesse c'est le printemps vert et joli
Fleurs et petales, cuicui et gouttes de pluie
Non non, détrompez vous
C'est l'orage et le tonnerre
Oui la jeunesse c'est chiant
Mais alors vraiment tres chiant!
Si vous trouvez ca marrant
D'etre sans cesse enfoui dans la brume
Sans savoir, sans comprendre
Sans direction, sans but, sans chemin
Si vous trouvez ca marrant
D'avoir un cerveau de foudre
La jeunesse, c'est pour vous!

Et puis etre adulte,
C'est pas mieux, non non!
L'automne, feuilles d'espoirs qui tombent
Et qui craquellent sous le poids de regrets
Le mensonge qu'on donne aux gamins
Qu'etre adulte, c'est trop bien
Des mensonges, des mensonges!
Detrompez-vous detrompez-vous
Les factures, les impots, le boulot, la famille
Le vin, les clopes, le stress et l'ennui

Et la vieillesse,
C'est pas mieux!
Le os recouverts de glace
Qui crépitent et craquellent a chaque mouvement
Qui grincent comme un plancher épuisé
Les bras pendant comme des branches mortes
Le scalp chauve, et lisse comme un étang glacé
Non la vieillesse,
C'est pas mieux
Les lèvres qui bavent, les mains qui tremblent
Les pensées qui se pâment, les souvenirs qui clinquent ensemble
Le cerveau qui chancelle et s'écroule
Tout comme le corps qui chancelle
Et s'écroule

The Devil pulls my puppet strings
And makes me sway
Looming hell approaches and sings
Reeling me into the decay

A fiendish demon shrieks melancholy
Another one screams fear
I am young, and I cry folly
The creatures taunt and jeer

The brazen fire whispers
Songs scary and bleak
My skin burns and blisters
My hands are trembling weak

Please, close the carcass gates
Please, chase away the beasts
See all their flesh-laden plates
See their ****** morbid feasts

I see this place so dark and eerie
I hear the demons moan
Please hold me, I am weary
And can't brave this alone